Masks
by HopelessRomantic79
Summary: What you want and what you're supposed to want are two different things for Edward. Bella loves him, so why isn't it enough? AH/AU/slash. E&B, E&J, B&Em. Rated M for adult themes, language, and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first foray into a slash fic. This story is much darker than any other I've written, so if you're expecting a typical HopelessRomantic79 story, this isn't it. There WILL be elements of cheating, among other topics which some readers may find sensitive or offensive. Please take that into consideration before reading. I'm basing this story off of real events in my life, so it's definitely close to my heart. I hope you enjoy it! **

**Thanks SO much to EmmaleeWrites05 for being my beta/idea bouncer-offer/supporter. :-D I also want to thank one of my best friends in the world for inspiring me to write this. He doesn't know I'm doing this... he'd probably kill me if he did. But he is my number one inspiration, and I write this out of love for him, because above all, I want him to be happy. **

**Disclaimer: Only the plot belongs to me, the rest is all Stephanie Meyer's. **

Was it wrong that I didn't picture her when I went to sleep at night? Yes, yes it was. She was warm and soft beside me; trusting me completely and absolutely not to break her heart. I didn't deserve her because I would break her heart, in the end.

I couldn't help the things that were inside my head, in my heart. They'd always been there; secret wishes and lustful desires that shamed me, broke my heart, and filled me with rage at myself. I couldn't control those thoughts, even if I wanted to, which I didn't.

It was _wrong. _Or at least, that's what I'd always been taught to believe. An abomination, even. A freak of nature that should either be cured or eliminated.

So I hid. I held my lovely girlfriend in my arms and pretended that I wanted her. I loved her. I'd always love her. But never in the way that she deserved. Never the way it was _intended to be, _between a man and a woman.

I was a failure. I was supposed to be strong, make sure that I hid well beneath my façade, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from staring just little too long, imagining things that were simply unacceptable.

I am going to hell.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Edward honey, is there anything you need washed today?" Bella called from the bathroom. I had to laugh. From where I was sitting on our bed, I could see that she was bending over, face inches away from dirty underwear and used towels. She was too adorable.

"Um no, not really," I said, unable to hold the humor out of my voice.

She gave me a long look, standing erect and putting a hand on her hip, narrowing her eyes at me. "I'm nice enough to touch your dirty clothes and you laugh at me?"

"I'm sorry love, I really am," I said still laughing. She bounded at the bed and straddled my waist.

"Apologize," she said with her lips at my ear and hands poised to attack my most sensitive spots in a tickle war. We tickled far more than we made love. I hoped this was a fact she didn't compute.

"Never," I said and dug my fingers into her sides. She squealed and fell over the bed as my hands attacked her.

"Stop it! Stop!" she giggled, tears already forming in her eyes. "I can't breathe, stop!"

I was unrelenting. She was truly beautiful when she was like this; even I had to admit it. Her brown eyes were full of happiness and something akin to joy. And that thought saddened me more than it ought to have.

I released her, tears now running down her face, and sat up. Now _I _was the one that felt like crying. I wasn't being fair to her. She was happy, and the worst part of it was I didn't deserve to be the one that made her laugh like that, to smile like that.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, looping her arms around my body and resting her chin on my shoulder. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "I've gotta get ready, that's all."

"Oh," she said sadly and then kissed the side of my neck. It felt nice, but it didn't set me on fire. It never had. "Well, please come home to me in a good mood, OK? I'm going to make your favorite dinner and then maybe I'll be wearing my sexy underwear." She bit my ear.

"Sounds like a plan," I said, sadder still, and pulled away without kissing her. I could almost feel the disappointment radiating off of her, as it always did. I felt lousy for doing this to her all the time. I just didn't feel _desire _for her the way I really should, or the way that society told me I should feel. I shrugged on my suit jacket and walked back to kiss her on the forehead. "I'll be home at seven," I promised.

"OK," she said quietly, looking down now. "Bye."

"Bye." I was unable to look at her sad face again and walked out the door. I hated rejecting her like this. I knew it made her feel bad and I hated being the guy that hurt her.

But that's who I was, the guy that was set to break her heart, almost like it was fated. And the worst part was - I was the selfish bastard that kept her hanging. I should have done the right thing and ended things with her years ago, but I kept holding her close so that she couldn't find her own happiness. Neither of us were truly happy and it was my own fault.

The commute to Seattle didn't take long. Bella and I lived in Bellevue, but I worked in an office in downtown Seattle. As I sped along the highway towards the city, I blasted the radio and tried to forget the hurt look in her eyes.

The day was beautiful, bright blue sky, not a cloud in the sky… it was like the world was mocking me. I took the exit for the office building and made my way to the parking garage. I pulled in and made my way up to 15th floor.

I hated my job. I started as a temp right out of high school, expecting it would just be a summer job. I was going to be a doctor and Bella was going to be a journalist or perhaps a novelist. A writer in any case.

She got her dream. Bella graduated from UW with Masters degree in Comparative Literature and English. She was a free-lance writer for a local newspaper and working on her first novel. I couldn't have been more proud of her.

I had been dealt a bad hand. Right before I was set to enroll in UW in the pre-med program, my father was in a horrible car accident and I was forced to go home to Chicago to help my family. By the time I got back to Seattle, the job was still waiting for me, but the scholarship was not and with my family's medical bills, there was no way I could afford to go.

So I went back to the temp job, which soon became my permanent job and I was trapped in my own horrible circumstances; working in a law firm, filing papers and researching cases. I had a cubicle and everything.

Perhaps it was karma, something holding me back for holding Bella back. We'd met in high school in Chicago and we were instant friends. We were lab partners and she always knew how to make me laugh. And, she was beautiful to boot. I asked her to prom our junior year and that was it. We were virtually inseparable, she was my best friend. Soon, she was my girlfriend and we were delving into a new world.

Our first kiss had been extremely awkward. Since it was the first kiss for both of us, neither one of us knew what to do with our hands and our teeth clashed together painfully. There was no electricity, no nothing for me and I had chalked it up to our inexperience.

Our technique improved, but the chemistry never did. Still, she was the most important person in my life and I was going to do anything for her. When she announced that she wanted to go out west to be closer to her dad, I followed. We moved in together and it was there, sharing a home and bed, where we first consummated our relationship. That too, was awkward and passionless, but we improved with time until it was enjoyable. But it was only that, enjoyable. There was no real spark between us.

At least I didn't feel it. I wasn't sure how Bella felt about it, because we never talked about it. It had been quite a feat of her persuasive skills for me to even sleep with her to begin with. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive; it was that I wasn't attracted to her.

It wasn't until my co-worker, Emmett, sent me gay porn on my computer as a joke, that I realized what the problem was. I didn't have a problem becoming aroused, it was natural, instinctive.

I wanted _that_ and I hated myself for it. The men in the video were beautiful. Their bodies moved together perfectly and I ached to be touched the way they were touching each other. I wanted a strong body wrapped around mine, rough palms instead of smooth.

I went home and fucked Bella into oblivion that night. I had to get those images out of my head. And she liked it; she really seemed to enjoy it. We usually "made love," slow and easy, but this was raw and pure fucking and for the first time, we came together, hard.

Maybe, I thought, maybe that was all I needed. A little stimuli on the side to keep me hot for my girlfriend. Maybe that was the answer to all our problems.

That was what I kept telling myself as I checked out site after site of men kissing men and more. It got me hot, unbearably so, and I took it all out on Bella - not that she was complaining. Our sex life, our relationship, had never been better and we were finally happy for the first time. I was eager to kiss her, to slip inside her and make us both writhe in ecstasy.

But every time, every single fucking time, just as Bella was tightening around me, I saw a man's face behind my eyelids, a harder body beneath my own. I would cum to those visions and not my beautiful girlfriend. And that's when I started to pull away from her again.

And it wasn't her fault. I knew she blamed herself, probably thought she wasn't sexy enough, or that her technique was stale, or any other thing someone blames themselves for when a lover turns away. But that wasn't it at all. Bella was perfect. It was me, this broken shell of a human that was pretending to be something he wasn't.

The truth hit me hard and I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself, but it was conclusive and undeniable. I was gay.

I _am _gay.

And I am just selfish enough to keep a beautiful, caring, sexy, loving, deserving woman in the dark for my own selfish purposes. Without her, I would be admitting to something I wasn't ready to accept.

"Morning, Cullen," Emmett said from behind his own cubicle not far from mine.

"Morning, McCarty," I replied, not looking at him. It took me awhile to admit it, but I was attracted to my huge, strong, tall, _straight _co-worker. The one who had been a catalyst in my own personal revelation. At first, I stupidly held out the hope that he'd sent it to me because he'd wanted me that way; that we could perhaps recreate the scene on the computer screen, but I was wrong. Without a doubt, Emmett McCarty was about as straight as they come and it would never happen.

I plopped in my chair and started sifting through the assignments placed on my desk for that day. _Meeting, conference room B, 3 pm, _one of the messages said. I sighed. The new partner of the firm was starting today and apparently he wanted to meet all of his employees. I hated meetings like this. They were tedious, boring and I wasn't in the mood.

The day went by torturously slow. I tried my best to ignore Emmett's near constant chatter and endless emails of "funny as shit stuff", because really, I was ten seconds away from pounding his face in. Normally, his behavior would have been appreciated; anything to distract me from the tedium of this job, this existence. But not today. I threw myself into my assignments, trying to escape somehow.

Finally, three o'clock rolled around and everyone rose from their desks to head to the conference room. Most of us stood. I picked the corner and crossed my arms across my chest, practically daring anyone to come close to me. No one did, not even Emmett. I think he'd finally gotten the hint at about two o'clock that I just wasn't in the mood.

And then suddenly, I was very much in the mood. Coming through the door of the conference room was the sexiest man I'd ever laid eyes on. He was tall and though I couldn't tell through his shirt, I suspected incredibly strong. You could almost see the muscle definition through his buttoned down shirt, which I immediately fantasized about ripping off his body, buttons flying everywhere. He had a full mouth and the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen and his wavy brownish-blonde hair falling into them.

Fuck, I was hard. I desperately moved so that the entire office wouldn't see how I had been magically and instantly aroused by our new boss.

Shit. The boss. I was so screwed on so many different levels.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you all to our newest partner, Mr. Jasper Whitlock. Mr. Whitlock is joining us from the Houston branch of the firm and we all hope that he finds his adjustment to our office smooth and enjoyable," Mr. Volturi said. There was a polite smattering of applause as Jasper stood at the head of the table.

"Thanks Aro," he drawled and I very nearly came. This was the devil incarnate, I was sure, come to tempt me and destroy me. "First of all, please call me Jasper. Second, I'm very excited about joining this branch. I hope we can all get a lot done and are able to put into practice what we believe is fair, just and true."

OK, so corny speech, but I couldn't have cared less. I was transfixed by the way his mouth moved, by the way his jeans fit snugly against what I was sure was a tight, firm ass. Oh God. I wasn't going to be able to leave this conference room without limping. The real trick was to leave without everyone seeing the massive hard-on I was sporting.

For the first time in my life, I contemplated rubbing one out in the bathroom.

And then my nightmare got worse. Jasper started making his rounds, shaking his hands with everyone in the room, getting closer and closer to me. My tongue felt like it had swelled three times its size. I'd never been nervous talking with anyone before, male or female, not even Bella, so the idea that this man could make me tongue-tied in less than five minutes was astonishing and alarming. And I was going to have to touch him… shake hands… introduce myself…

I gulped and steeled myself for the inevitable. There was no way I could leave the room without being spotted and attraction or not, he was not my boss with the power to fire me and everything.

Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. He smelled incredible, masculine and unlike anything I'd ever imagined. We were nearly the same height, his eyes looking straight back into mine. They were startlingly blue and I was afraid I could very easily lose myself in them. His smile was genuine and damning.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," I said, hating the small tremor in my voice. "I work in the research department." God, his grasp was firm and his hand was unbelievably silky in mine, something I hadn't expected. He looked like he should be throwing hay bales instead of defending people in court.

"Hello Edward, it's nice to meet you. I'm looking forward to working closely with you on many cases," he said. Once again, cheesy speech, but I was sure it had more to do with decorum than personality. He probably said the same thing to everyone. I looked him straight in the eye and my heart went crazy in my chest. Not good, not good.

And then he was off and I decided I had been in this room long enough. I booked it as fast as I could with the monster in my pants and ran into the empty bathroom, slamming the stall door behind me. I leaned against the wall, breathing hard. What in the hell was I going to do? Clearly, I was more than attracted to Jasper. It was hard enough without temptation walking right in front of me daily. I couldn't very well come into work with an erection and I couldn't be the horny, disgusting guy that pleasured himself in the restroom each lunch period, or more often.

I would think about this later. I had to. I couldn't deal with this now. It didn't take long to make my hard-on die. It didn't take disgusting images of my parents or grandmother in revealing underwear, only the heartbroken face of Bella to make me soft again. I couldn't do this to her. I was the worst person in the world right now.

I left. It was wrong and I knew it was a bad move on my part, but the entire office was empty still, meeting with my personal demon, so I slipped out unnoticed. I thundered down the highway back towards Bellevue, ignoring the stunning view of Mt. Rainier in the foreground.

I got home nearly three hours earlier than usual, so naturally Bella was not in her underwear as promised. She was sitting on the couch, books spread out around her for her research. She was deeply entrenched in her writing and didn't even notice I was in the apartment until I was standing directly behind her. She had iPod buds in her ears.

"AHHH! EDWARD!!!" she shrieked as she jumped off the couch, laptop nearly hitting the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I couldn't tell if she was yelling because she was afraid or because she had her music up. She yanked the buds out of her ears and kept on yelling. OK, I had scared her. "You nearly gave me a HEART ATTACK!!!"

"I'm sorry!" I said, holding my hands up almost as if I were under arrest. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I could see her breathing returning to normal and then her forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, looking at the wall clock. "It's only four o'clock!"

"I know, I, uh, got the rest of the day off, they didn't really need me in the office," I lied. I held out my arms to her and she slid comfortably in them, snuggling against my chest. Not for the first time I felt a wave of guilt as I stroked her long chestnut hair and she sighed.

Only this time was worse. I had never had an object of my desire before. The face I saw was always blank, generic. Jasper was not generic and I just knew I'd see his face when I closed my eyes, unique and gorgeous and so unattainable.

I felt Bella's lips brush across mine, sweet and familiar. I owed her this kiss. I leaned closer and deepened the kiss, feeling her melt in my arms and return the kiss was far more passion than I was capable of.

"I love you," she sighed between kisses and I returned it back in automatic response.

Shit, would the guilt just keep pressing down on me until I cracked? Or died? Fuck my life.

"I've been thinking about you all day," she continued, pulling away and taking my hand in hers. She was leading me to our bedroom. I followed, because there was nothing else for me to do. "And I'm sorry I wasn't ready with the sexy undies, but I think you'll find this a little bit better." Her voice was light and teasing, the total opposite of how I felt.

"See?" she said and I realized that she had taken off her shirt. She was naked for me, as I could see as she shimmied out of her sweatpants. "You like?"

"Yes," I lied again. "So beautiful." Not a lie.

I stroked her soft, welcoming skin and tried to bury myself in her essence. Soon, I would mean that literally. She was kissing me again and I did my best to return them.

We laid together on the bed, now both naked, and we kissed endlessly. I could tell she was getting very excited. She couldn't keep her hips still. I grabbed her by the waist, and guided my hips between her open legs. I owed her this and I couldn't deny that I needed the release as well.

I could see him now, still feel his hand in mine, wishing it were other places as well. I imagined hovering over him or perhaps him hovering over me, kissing passionately, the stubble on his chin scratching my face, marking me. _"Edward, I need you," he whispered. _"_I want you." _

"_I want you, too, Jasper," I whispered back. "You're so beautiful. So strong. Take me, please." _

I slipped inside Bella and she moaned, arching her back. "Yes, Edward, so good, more baby, more." Her fingernails dug into my shoulder blades and it hurt, but I deserved it.

I hated myself for it but I pounded into Bella, feeling her mewl and whimper beneath me as I gave her more. She didn't know that the arousal came from another and merely encouraged me more, bucking her hips towards me as I tried to lose myself in her.

"Fuuuuuck, Edward," she moaned. Bella hardly ever cursed so when she did, I knew that meant I was doing something right and I was glad I could at least make her happy in this one small way, even if it wasn't her causing the need.

"Please baby, cum for me," I pleaded. "Touch yourself." I couldn't bring myself to do it.

She did and seconds later, she was tightening around me, bringing me closer than ever to my release. All it took was the image of Jasper pushing into me and I was cumming harder than I ever had in my entire life. "Oh shit," I growled, fully aware that I had very nearly said Jasper's name. I pulled out quickly and collapsed on my back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Jesus Edward, that was amazing," Bella sighed. "I love it when you lose control like that." She curled into my side and I felt like shit. She kissed under my jaw. "Are you hungry? I can start making dinner if you'd like."

"Yeah sure," I said, noncommittally. "Need help?" I knew she wouldn't.

"No that's fine," she said. "You just lay there and relax." She threw on my work shirt, closing one button and throwing on her panties. "I got fifty pages done today," she hollered from the kitchen. "I was really inspired."

"That's great," I said and I meant it. She was quiet after that, probably gathering ingredients together. I could hear the TV go on, some random gibberish I couldn't decipher.

Fuck me. What was I going to do?

Like I said before, I was going to hell.

**A/N II: I live for reviews, and I would LOVE to know what you think. :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to review. It really means a lot to me. This story is really one of my favorites so far, and I hope that you continue to read and enjoy it. It's not going to be an easy ride, but hopefully worth it in the end. :-) Thanks SO much to EmmaleeWrites05 for giving me wonderful ideas and being my groovy beta. **

**I'm on Twitter, so if you want to follow me, it's LisaHR79. Me and my BFFF'ers get kinda crazy sometimes, but it's fun. :-)**

**Leave me some love!**

**Disclaimer: The plot's mine, the rest ain't.**

**BPOV**

I couldn't stop humming. I also couldn't stop the stupid grin that kept spreading across my face. Just when I go and think Edward doesn't want me, doesn't need me, is repulsed by the very sight of me, he goes and makes my toes curl. My lady parts were more than pleased right now. My body was thrumming with the pleasure his body gave mine.

We'd always had a tentative relationship in bed but one day he came home from work and fucked the shit out of me, and for the most part, it had been that way ever since with a few tough spots here and there. I loved it when he was rough with me, didn't treat me like I was a little girl, or a fragile little person. I had always been frustrated with the slow, easy way we'd made love before. It was boring and passionless. Not now.

I chopped vegetables for our dinner as I hummed "Happy Together," by the Turtles. I _was_ happy. I knew that Edward's job was stressful, that's why he seemed so distant sometimes. I couldn't blame him for it; a lot of people depended on the research he did for each case. Lives were literally on the line sometimes and no, he wasn't the defense attorney in court, but they use the evidence he dredges up… it's important. He never thought it was, always deemed himself as a failure in one way or another, but I knew that he was a hard worker and that he needed stress relief often. He was most certainly not a failure, but I could see why he thought so I suppose.

I had to be more understanding about things like this. Besides, I was reaping the benefits, being his stress reliever. I should have felt guilty about that but I'm not.

After all, Edward loved me. And I loved him.

**EPOV**

She was humming. Fucking humming. She was _happy. _I had made her feel _good. _I knew that it was probably a good thing but it only served to make me feel worse. I didn't want her to be unhappy, but I knew that the happier she was now, the more fucking miserable she would be later when I broke her heart. Because I would. I knew that already but as I said before, I'm a fucking prick that can't help but be selfish and keep her hanging.

I stared at the ceiling finding random patterns in the texture. Anything to keep Jasper out of my thoughts, anything to keep from reminding myself of what a bastard I am.

Bella's humming was driving me crazy. She had always been a fan of music from the 60s and 70s, decades of music I loathed. Tonight was another classic. And what was worse, the lyrics; _I can't see me lovin' nobody but you for all my life…_ Damn it.

I rolled out of bed, if for no other reason than to stop the humming. I couldn't take it. It was like she was taunting me with her slightly off-key kitchy hits. I pulled my boxers back on and joined her in the kitchen.

There she stood; perfection even in my frazzled mental state. I matter what, she would always be beautiful, and far too perfect for me. She looked far too happy, more than I deserved to make her. And she didn't even know that I didn't deserve her, that I could never give her all of me.

"Edward can you set the table for me?" she asked sweetly, turning off the heat as she stirred something steaming and simmering on the stove. She had a healthy, rosy glow on her cheeks as usual and _my _heart broke.

"Sure," I said, aware that my voice cracked.

I grabbed all the necessary utensils and set up the island where we ate dinner each night. It was the same thing we did each night, unless she was so entirely wrapped up in her writing that she couldn't find time to eat, let alone cook anything.

Bella placed a plate of stir fry in front of me and dug into her own. "I added in some pineapple to balance the flavor," she said between bites. "I hope you like it."

I lifted a forkful to my mouth and had to agree it was good. "Really great, Bella."

She smiled at me, her brown eyes warm. Could she really believe that this was real love? That this was surely a sign of bliss, compliments over her pineapple-infused dinner? That that symbolized real and pure adoration and love?

Or maybe it was. I don't know. I'd never loved her, or anyone else for that matter, properly, so how was I to know?

"How was work today?" she asked. "How come they let you come home early?"

Her question was innocent and my answer was not.

"Oh, it was fine. We, uh, got a case done early and then we got introduced to our new boss."

"Oh really? I thought he wasn't supposed to come in until next week."

I shrugged, looking down at my food. "I guess he wanted to start as soon as possible."

"Did you meet him? What's he like?"

_Gorgeous. Sexy. Able to make me hard almost on command. _

"Uh, he seemed nice enough. Kind of corny, I guess. Wants to make a good impression."

_He made a good impression on me, that's for sure._ My cock ached just thinking about him.

"Well, that's good. If he works hard at making a good impression, I'm sure that means he'll be really good to work under."

_Oh, shit. That was the entirely wrong image to give me, Bella. Fuck, fuck, fuck. _I was hard as a rock now and I was straining through the fabric of my cotton confines and my heart was doing a crazy dance in my chest just thinking about what it would be like if he were above me, his hands tracing patterns on my skin, up and down my chest, down to my hipbones and finally to my-

"Yeah, it should be a pleasant experience," I said hoarsely, fully aware of the double entendre.

We didn't say much else and Bella took my plate to the sink after I was done. Great. I was still rock solid, with no apparent explanation and although I was sure Bella would be willing to go another round, I wasn't.

"I'm going to take a drive, I think," I said, adjusting myself while her back was turned. "I need to think some things over… work things…"

Bella turned, hands soapy from washing our dishes and a small frown appeared on her face, but she didn't say anything. She merely nodded and turned back to her dishes.

A pang of guilt ran through me but I couldn't help it. I ran into the bedroom, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt and grabbed my keys before slamming the door hard behind me, not looking back.

I drove. And I drove, and I drove. I couldn't get lost into the streets of Bellevue fast enough. My car wove in and out of residential areas, past strip malls and businesses, and away from Bella. My heart sank at what a failure I was being, at the way I was handling this.

I blasted the music on the radio, not caring what sounds came out. Anything to drown out my thoughts, to block out my self-loathing which was threatening to choke me.

It was around the time I passed by Fred Meyer for the fourth time that I came to my conclusion. No more. This had to stop, now.

I couldn't let Jasper affect me this way. He had no right. I had not right to let him. Then again, he had no idea. It wasn't his fault that he was sinfully perfect and amazing, and everything I'd ever dreamed about in a man.

This had to stop. It didn't matter what I wanted. It didn't matter how badly my body ached for him. I couldn't let this affect me so. I didn't need that kind of pain and nothing would ever come from it no matter what. So I had to suck it up and forget it. Admit I had a crush and move on, just like I had with Emmett.

I had a feeling this would be infinitely more difficult.

* * *

Bella kissed me goodbye and I did my best to kiss her back just as passionately. I almost managed it.

The day was just as bright and sunny as yesterday but this time I would make it my ally. I parked in the same spot as yesterday and walked to my desk with a spring in my step. I had to be positive, so I was going to act positive.

"Hey man," Emmett said cheerfully from his desk. "You seem happy. You get laid last night?"

I bristled at his insinuation but he was right although it had nothing to do with my behavior now. "That's none of your business, McCarty."

"Fine, fine," he said with that sexy smirk of his. Old habits die hard and I couldn't help but ogle at him as often as possible. I was only human.

A human that was going to hell, but whatever.

"Shit," I muttered to myself, looking at the dozens of files sitting on my desk.

"A lot of work there?" Emmett asked innocently, too innocently.

"Yeah…"

"Hmm, I wonder why that is." He stroked his chin in mock curiosity and pondering. "Could it be because you skipped out of the office hours before you were supposed to?"

"Damn it." Fuck, I was an idiot to think I could skip out without consequence.

"Yeah, what the hell was that by the way?" Emmett asked. The man was far too observant for his own good… or for my own good. "You looked like you were really upset or something and then you just plain booked it. Didja hafta pee or something?"

"Again, none of your business McCarty," I said sharply, giving him a hard glare.

"But it is mine."

I knew who it was before I could turn around. Even though I'd only heard him speak once, I'd know Jasper Whitlock's voice anywhere. And I was so utterly fucked because not only did it sound like silken honey; it was laced with venom in it.

I turned slowly and couldn't look at him. I couldn't bear to look at his beautiful face, no matter how much anger it held in it. He would still be beautiful and I would still lose my mind.

"Would you mind explaining why you left company property before your scheduled time?" His voice was stern and angry.

"I'd rather not discuss it, sir," I said. Even if he fired me now, at least I wouldn't incriminate myself in the process, especially with Emmett listening in.

"You will discuss it, Mr. Cullen. Now, in my office."

Emmett made the "Ooooh, you're in trouble!" face that kids pull when they're in kindergarten.

The very last thing in this world I wanted to do was be alone with Jasper. It was also the only thing in this world I wanted. My heart was racing for two different reasons and my head was swimming with thoughts. First and foremost that I was going to have to explain and second, that it was possible I was about to get fired. And how could I explain that to Bella? It's not like I could tell her why. "Oh, yeah, Bella, I was so insanely attracted to my new boss that I couldn't stand it and now I don't have a job because all I wanted was his cock in my ass."

Yeah, that definitely wasn't going to go over well.

Jasper sat at his desk, still unfettered with clutter or papers. All it held was a photo of himself and a blonde woman, who was the classic Hot Rod, Barbie-like beauty. My heart sunk. Of course he had a girlfriend like that.

"Close the door behind you," he said. His voice was still cool. "Sit, please." He gestured towards the chair adjacent to his desk. "Now," he said, leaning towards me, "tell me what happened."

"I'm sorry I left early," I said, dodging the question. But he was a lawyer and he didn't miss a trick.

"I don't care if you're sorry or not. This is a very important place, as I'm sure you're well aware. I need to be able to rely on everyone in this office, yourself included. Whether you realize it or not, you have a very important position and it is your responsibility to be here when we need you."

"I realize that and I'm very sorry," I murmured, still afraid to look him in the eye.

He sighed. "Listen, Mr. Cullen-"

"You can call me Edward." The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Edward then," he said without missing a beat and I sighed in relief. "If you have a personal issue that needs attending to, please just let us know before you leave. I see that this is your first indiscretion and therefore I will just be giving you a warning today but please see to it that this doesn't happen again."

So, I wasn't fired. I looked up at him for the first time and nearly wanted to cry. His face was as handsome as ever and his eyes, brilliant blue orbs that pierced into my soul, were kind again. I wanted to lick the contours of his jaw, follow them up to his ear where I could nibble on his earlobe. And then I was looking at his mouth, a perfect Cupid's bow that begged for me to suck, lick and nip. God, he was just too perfect.

"Thank you, sir." My voice was hoarse and I was having issues in my pants.

"Jasper," he reminded me, his voice smoother and friendlier now. "You can leave now," he added, turning in his chair.

I was glad that he was turned because I had to adjust myself in my pants before I stood again, barely limping out of the office to the bathrooms. I had to think about a million disgusting things before I could walk out of the bathroom stall again, working hard to keep my hands from myself. I couldn't do that, not here, not now, no matter how tempting it was.

I walked out of the bathroom and slunk to my desk hoping no one saw me.

Of course, life's not that lucky and Emmett zeroed in on me immediately.

"What happened?" he asked in a stage whisper. "You're not packing up, so I assume the boss-man didn't kick you out on your ass."

"No, its fine," I said. "I'm not canned."

"That's good; you're too entertaining to leave now."

"_I'm _entertaining? I think you're mistaking me for you."

He snorted, giving his famous dimpled grin and turned back to the many files that littered his desk. I turned to my files and dove right in to the many files and papers sitting on my desk. For the first time in my life, I welcomed the distraction. There was a lot to do and it left me almost no time to think about anything else. I even worked through lunch, trying as hard as possible not to think about the man who made me as hard as possible.

I stayed in the office past the time I was supposed to, eager to prove that I was serious about my job and also hoping to catch Jasper leaving work. I hadn't seen him all day, much to my relief, but the fifteen year old kid with a crush hoped I'd see him once more before I left.

I got my wish ten minutes later. Long and lean, Jasper walked out of his office, closing the door firmly behind him with his suit jacket slung over his shoulder casually. He looked like a model or something equally intimidating and unrealistic. I couldn't help but notice the way the shirt fit across his chest, hinting at muscles yet unseen and the way his pants…

"Still here, huh?" he said amiably. I was momentarily dazed by his smile, which was bright and friendly and lit up his entire face.

"I had a lot to catch up on from yesterday," I muttered.

"Well, have a good night," he said. "And don't stay too late. Wouldn't want you tired for tomorrow, we've got a full case load coming in and we'll need you."

Idiotically, I thought about his words and how he 'needed me.'

"Good night, Jasper," I said, wavering a bit on his name.

"Good night, Edward," he said, and gave me a big smile before sauntering out of the office. I chastised myself as I stared at his ass as he walked out.

I took a deep breath and couldn't stop the thoughts racing in my head. I was on Jasper overload and had barely even spoken with him. I was right. This was going to be torture from here on out and no matter what; it was always going to be bad. The butterflies were ten times worse than yesterday and the physical ache to be close to him was crippling.

There was no way I could concentrate on anything else now. I called it a night and tidied up my desk before practically sprinting out of the office. The drive home was filled with traffic and it left me a lot of time for my thoughts, which was both a blessing and a curse.

I could admit that I was gay and that I was sexually attracted to Jasper. I wanted him, needed him, and knew I wouldn't be complete if we never touched, never kissed, never made love. Yes, I'd just met him. But somehow, I _knew. _

I would never be complete. Simple as that. I could never be complete, and I knew it. It was pain that I'd always have to live with. It ripped at me, made it hard to breathe just thinking about it.

I parked in the space in our apartment complex and noticed that Bella's car was gone. I vaguely remembered her mentioning going out to lunch with Alice and if I knew Alice as well as I did, that would have led to shopping afterwards and Bella would be gone for a long time.

A cold beer was waiting for me in the fridge and I greedily took it. I gulped it down, not tasting it, not caring to. I just needed to numb myself somehow. I was feeling too much and I needed to escape somehow. I slumped on the couch, willing the feelings and thoughts to go away.

When I looked down to my hand, the bottle was empty. How had that happened? I needed another. And another, and another.

Instead of making me numb, the beer fueled the flame and I was consumed. Watery visions of Jasper flew across my consciousness and the need to drag my hands through his hair and pull him to me was overwhelming. I needed to feel him against me, hard cock against hard cock, hot mouths consuming each other.

Without realizing it, my hands had wandered into my pants and gripped my cock which was growing harder and harder with each passing moment.

My hand stroked up and down, a whirlwind of sensations that kept hitting me over and over again as I thought of what it would be like if Jasper's hand replaced mine, or better yet, his mouth.

"_Edward, sit back and let me please you," Jasper purred, his southern accent affecting each word. The drawl went straight to my cock, until I was ready to burst. His hands confidently unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, releasing me from the denim prison. _

"_I can see that you're ready for me," he said huskily, his blue eyes dark as he gazed up at me from his position on his knees in front of me. "So hard, so big, so ready."_

_All I could do was whimper and nod as he took me into his hand. His fingers were silky against my dick but hard at the same time. He knew how to grasp me just right, grabbing me at the base and running his hand firmly up, just the way I liked it. He ran his fingers along the head and then leaned forward to capture it between his plump, pink lips. _

"_Oh, fuck, Jasper," I moaned as his expert hands and mouth worked me into a frenzy, doing things I'd never experienced, or even dreamed of. One hand reached out to cup my balls and I was almost finished. _

_I thrust hard into his mouth, unable to help myself and he only groaned, the vibrations nearly sending me over the edge. He kept me on this edge, nearly pushing me over only to bring me back again, over and over until I was growling with frustration. _

_His hands gripped my ass, bringing me closer and deeper into his mouth, until I was almost entirely inside him. And then he did that humming thing again and I was crying out his name, begging for release, thrusting wildly into his eager, willing mouth... _

_All it took was the brushing of his fingers against my entrance and I was exploding into his mouth and he swallowed every drop I had to give. _

"_Fuck! Fuck, Jasper!" I shouted, as he continued to swallow around my overly sensitive head. He pulled back slowly, kissing the tip of my head, before pulling back fully._

"_Now how was that?" he asked smugly. _

"_Fucking amazing," I replied and pulled him in for a crushing kiss. I could taste myself on his lips._

My hand was a mess.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much to your great reviews. I love, love, LOVE knowing what you guys think. This story means a lot to me, and I really want to know what you guys think. EmmaleeWrites05... get better soon!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D**

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**Disclaimer: The ideas are mine, but that's pretty much it.**

**EPOV**

The next few weeks passed with a ridiculous amount of tension, self-loathing, and desperation on my end. Each day was like a new and fresh form of torture, and it got worse and worse as time went on. I was fucking miserable.

I couldn't go anywhere without feeling the pressing guilt that followed me. No matter where I went: work, home, even to mundane and neutral places the grocery store, I was trapped with either the person I wanted, the person I was bound to hurt, or places where everything reminded me of them.

I didn't know what to do. It's not like I had anyone to talk about it with. My parents were the ones who always taught me that homosexuality was wrong. They never sat me down and told me that it wasn't okay, or that I would burn in hell if I were gay, but I saw their attitudes towards "those gay people," as if they were a different classification of human being, and heard the things they whispered if a same sex couple walked by holding hands, and so I knew what they would think if I came out to them. I had been trained all my life to think it was some sort of deformity, or perhaps an unconscious decision that could be reversed in certain situations. They always voted for the political candidates who believed in one man, one woman marriages. They would never, ever understand.

My head and heart were pounding on Friday night when I came home. Bella was out for the night; her editor and good friend Alice was dragging her to a new club opening for their monthly unoriginally titled "Girl's Night Out." I was glad that Bella was going out, not just because it meant I had time to myself without the overwhelming remorse I felt when I saw her, but because I knew I hadn't been the best of company over the last month or so, and she deserved to have some fun.

Was it really bad that I hoped she met someone new tonight and realized what an ass I was, and that I wasn't worthy of her? I knew all too well that I wasn't.

I had considered ending it countless times. If I continued to be with her under these false pretenses, it would make me the worst person in the world. And she deserved everything. She deserved the world, and I couldn't give it to her. The longer I was with her, the worse it got.

But I also didn't know how to end it. What to say? How to do it? The very last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, and no matter what option I chose, I was hurting her. Deeply. Fuck my life.

I stretched out on the couch and propped my head up on a pillow. Staring at the ceiling seemed to be my newest hobby. It was blank and white, just like I wished my brain was. I concentrated on the texture, not finding any patterns, and trying to blank out my mind. God knew alcohol never helped. I let the TV drone on in the foreground, not even registering what was on, and shut my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, my cell phone was buzzing beside me. Fuck. Tanya.

Tanya was my parent's idea of a good wife. The way my mom, Esme, viewed it, Tanya and I would make pretty babies together, and she saw no such thing in Bella. I hated to tell her I didn't really have the desire to make pretty babies with anyone, although I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be a father someday. Tanya was the daughter of a fellow doctor with my dad, Carlisle, and they spent a lot of time together, plotting our wedding. They never took into consideration that I had Bella in my life.

Tanya was also one of my closest friends, sweet and beautiful and lovely in all possible ways. She was easy to talk to and always listened. I knew she always had feelings for me, but we'd remained friends despite her hinting left and right about us being together. And above all, she was stronger than I was, and right now, I needed strength.

"Hi Tanya," I said.

"Edward," she said excitedly. "How are you?"

I sighed. What should I tell her? I couldn't tell her everything, not right now. But I had to tell _someone something, _the truth that I was being eaten alive by guilt. "I've been better," I admitted.

I could hear her settling into her chair, or maybe her bed. "What's up?"

"Just work stuff," I said. It was sort of the truth. "It's been getting to me lately."

"Edward, I know you're lying to me." Right there, hitting the truth in the head, as always.

"I know I am… I just can't talk about it right now," I sighed.

"Well, maybe I can help you out. I'm coming into town in a week, and I want to see you."

For the first time in a long time, I genuinely smiled, and felt a twinge of happiness. I allowed myself to feel it, and let it spread. I was going to see my friend, and for once, I didn't have anything to feel bad about.

"That's great! When?"

"I have a conference in Tacoma, and then I'll stick around for the weekend. And I expect you and Bella to be out and about, and ready to go!" she said with laughter in her voice. "The more the merrier."

I laughed with her, feeling free just thinking about her visit. Tanya and I grew up together, and were thick as thieves before I met Bella. Moving to Seattle had limited my social life, and I really didn't have many friends outside of the office, the primary one being Emmett, and even then, we'd never even hung out after work even for drinks. Everything was about Bella.

I needed to get out more.

Tanya and I talked for a little longer, and I could tell she was trying to get something more out of me without arousing my suspicion. But I kept my voice neutral and didn't give her many details, and she backed off.

"So I'll see you in a few days," Tanya said finally, and we agreed to talk again soon to iron out details.

I felt oddly comforted after we hung up. For once, my mind wasn't turned to darker things, such as my fate, which Jasper and Bella both seemed to hold in their hands. I relaxed and fell into a dreamless, blissful sleep, for once not haunted.

I awoke when Bella stumbled into the house, clearly uncomfortable in the heels Alice insisted she wear, and more than a little tipsy.

"Edward?" she slurred in her drunk stage whisper. "Are you there?"

I sat up, and had to laugh at her general state of disarray. Apparently she'd had fun at the club.

"I'm right here, honey," I said, and she let a stray, random giggle escape. "Did you have fun with Alice?"

"Yes," she said with wide eyes and an even wider smile. She kicked off her shoes, rather clumsily, and then jumped into my arms, straddling my lap. I fought against the instinct to stop her. There were so many reasons why this shouldn't happen now. But she was just too cute and happy, and I couldn't help but enjoy the moment. "We had many drinks, and we danced," she said dramatically, and leaned forward to kiss my neck.

"Oh yeah? What kind of dancing?" I asked, amused.

"Mmm, the dirty kind. I'm sure I'll be mad at myself for telling you that in the morning, but right now, I just don't care," she said, and then burst into laughter at herself. I couldn't help but grin at her.

I hugged her tightly to me, and realized that my best friend and best source of comfort was here in my arms, even when the reason I needed comforting was my crushing guilt for treating her bad. Having her in my arms made everything better somehow. The world could come crashing down, but Bella would hold me whole, even as I was being ripped apart by feelings I couldn't even begin to organize and deal with.

It made no sense.

Bella continued her ministrations on my neck, and I let her. She was good, I had to admit it. I hated that I felt no chemistry between us when she so clearly did. She imagined fire and passion where I felt warmth and no heat; it was pleasant, but there was nothing there for her.

"Edward, I missed you tonight," she moaned, and ground herself in my lap. I knew what she wanted, but for many different reasons, I didn't feel right giving it to her; not now, not in my fragile state of mind.

"Tanya called tonight," I said. She pulled away and frowned.

"Why?" Bella had never been a fan of Tanya, and I knew it had everything to do with what my parents wanted her to be, rather than who she really was.

"Because she's my friend, and she's coming to town and wants to see us," I said with a frown. "Don't be jealous, Bella." Because really, Tanya was about the last threat to our relationship possible.

And my black mood was back. God, I hated being so emo all the time. It was really fucking annoying.

"Whatever," Bella slurred, her eyes still unfocused from her alcohol. "Maybe Alice was right about you after all," she added cryptically, and then wobbled into our bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her. Great. So I had to sleep on the couch tonight.

It was just as well. Even if Bella forgot she was mad at me for three seconds, I would still be mad at myself, and that was just no fun. I stared at the ceiling again, hoping to make new patterns in the ceiling.

**BPOV**

I grunted in frustration as my clothes refused to fall off when I wanted to. In my inebriated state, I knew I wasn't thinking straight, but I also didn't care.

I hated Tanya. I knew that Esme was plotting Edward's wedding with her, and that shit just bothered me. That blonde idiot didn't love Edward like I did, and she never would. No one was better for him than me. I knew that, somehow, deep down. And I didn't care what other people kept telling me, no matter how I was currently feeling for the almost-stranger in the club.

Alice, for one, was really fucking annoying when it came to telling me that Edward was no good for me. "I'm sure you love him, and he loves you," she said in her sweet voice. "But really, Bella, don't you see that there is nothing between you but history?"

"What do you mean?" This new club was noisy, and I was having a hard time concentrating on what she was saying, let alone letting it have impact on me. This wasn't exactly the best of places to be having a heavy conversation.

"I mean… I've seen you guys together. And I had no idea you were a couple until you told me."

"Just because we don't go around making out…"

"That's not what I mean," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, you didn't seem like a _couple. _I didn't notice anything between you, nothing extraordinary."

I took major offense to that. "Edward and I have been together since we were teenagers! Of course there's something special between us, do you think we would have lasted this long if there wasn't?!"

"I didn't mean to criticize your relationship and what it means," she said, putting a tiny hand over mine. Her eyes were sympathetic and sincere. "I just mean that I don't see you and Edward together forever."

I rolled my eyes now. "You and your 'visions!'" Alice was constantly predicting things, and unfortunately she was usually right. She was right about the success of my weekly column in a major Seattle newspaper, which had led to free-lance work. She was right about me needing to get out of the house a little more often, and I could even admit that she was right about the color of nail polish she'd chosen for my forced manicure today. But I refused to believe that she could be right about Edward.

"I'm just saying…" she said, letting her sentence taper off mysteriously. "Let's dance!"

I rolled my eyes again. Alice was a bundle of energy, and she could swing from an intense conversation to dance party in three seconds flat. She tugged on my hand, and I finished up the last few drops of my drink before allowing her to drag me out on the dance floor.

It wasn't long before we had lost ourselves in the music, and my mind was miles away from the weirdness of our conversation, and all of the troubles of home. Right now, I would forget that Edward had been distant and moody again. That was the whole reason Alice and I had gotten into our conversation in the first place. Edward was driving me nuts with his mood swings, and I was about done trying to figure them out.

"Alice, what the hell is this song?" I shouted as she danced with her hands over her head and sang along. "It's horrible!" I really hated club music.

"I really don't know!" she shouted back, closing her eyes and moving along with the rhythm. I couldn't help but admire how easily she swayed to the beat, seeming to not care if everyone's eyes were on her, because they were. She was tiny, but she wasn't lost in the crowd. I tried to copy her attitude, and found it seductively fun. The alcohol swimming in my system helped a lot, and we danced on and on through countless songs until I felt a pair of strong hands on my waist. Definitely not Alice.

I gasped and whirled around… and suppressed the urge to gasp again. Before me stood the biggest, tallest, and _sexiest _man I'd ever seen. I nearly swooned as I took in his body clad in a simple snug black T-shirt which showed off his glorious muscle definition and dark washed jeans. His dimples stood out, making an otherwise menacing form seem friendly and genuine. I was ashamed to note that my heart skipped a more than few beats before I stepped back, double-timing to catch up.

"Hello," he said in a husky, bass voice, and I think my knees must have gotten a little shaky because he needed to prop me up again with his massive hands. I tried not to think about what those hands and fingers could do to me, and I shivered despite myself.

"Hi," I said. "I think, before you say much else, that I should tell you that I have a boyfriend. Long term. Committed, all that good stuff." Why did I suddenly feel regretful of that fact?

"Bella? Bella Swan?" he suddenly said, a look of recognition flashing across his face.

"Um… do I know you?" I found it difficult to believe that I might have met this man another time and forgotten him. It seemed impossible to forget a face- and a body- like his.

He shook his head, and gave me a panty soaking smile. "I'm Emmett McCarty, I'm a coworker with Edward. He has a picture of you on his desk."

"Oh, Emmett! I've heard lots of things about you… and not all good." I flashed him a big smile, and he returned it.

"And it's all true," he laughed, and I suddenly felt the need to leave the room. This man was entirely too sexy, and it just wasn't right that I should want him so bad. Every cell in my body was telling me to drag him into an anonymous corner and get down on my knees in front of him.

"Well, uh, it was really nice to meet you," I said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt you… I couldn't help but come over here, you girls were looking entirely too beautiful to be dancing alone."

_Swoon._

"Well, thanks for coming to our rescue," I said, and then I fucking winked. Dammit. This kind of flirty behavior was not acceptable. "I guess I'll see you around, maybe, if you and Edward work together." _Yes, Edward. Remember Edward. Your live in boyfriend? Guy you lost your virginity to? Guy you love? Yeah, that Edward._

He shot me another dimpled grin, and I was very nearly a goner. "I hope so," he said, and then he disappeared into the crowd.

My stomach was twisted into knots, and I was having a hard time breathing. My eyes tried to follow him as he walked away, but I lost sight of him, and sighed, turning. Alice was standing in front of me, arms across her chest.

"What in the hell was _THAT_?" she asked incredulously, although she looked like she was about to start jumping up and down on the balls of her feet at any second. A smile twitched on her pursed lips.

"Um, that was a coworker of Edward's," I said, knowing full well I was blushing. "He came over to say hi."

"Yeah right!" Alice scoffed. "I saw how he was looking at you, and it wasn't for a friendly little chit-chat, to say nothing about what your face looks like right now."

"You're crazy," I said, blushing harder, trying to throw myself back into the music. It was difficult to concentrate on the beat when all I could think of were Emmett's intense baby blues.

"Sure I am," she said sarcastically, and we kept dancing, but we both knew that I was a big, fat liar.

I got even more drunk, trying to drown out the feelings I'd had when Emmett looked me in the eyes, and by the time I got home, I was trashed and horny, and looking for a little release.

Edward had been wholly unhelpful, barely responding when I tried to kiss or perhaps fuck Emmett out of my system. And then he had to go and mention Tanya. That strawberry blonde skank had best remember her place. I wasn't in the mood to be in competition with her. I didn't like her, and I never would.

I undressed shakily, still feeling my head buzz from the loud music and alcohol. I was definitely having issues with my coordination, something I had trouble with even when I was sober. I kicked the death-traps that Alice dared to call "cute shoes" off of my feet, and collapsed onto the bed in my underwear. I was too tired to change now.

And then, just as I was drifting off into a fitful and uncomfortable sleep in our bed alone, I thought about how I wished that I felt weight beside me. Not the lean, slim weight of Edward, but the heavy muscles and strength of Emmett. I buried my head in my pillow and groaned.

**A/N II: So, Bella's not as innocent as she seemed... what do you think? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers. I hope you had an excellent one. :-D I'm leaving for Hawaii tomorrow morning... HUGE amount of stress on me right now. So I'm avoiding life and posting this. ;-) Leave me lots of pretty reviews so I can feel happy. Hehe. Thanks as always to EmmaleeWrites05 for being a rocking beta and idea machine. ;-) **

**Check out my brand new Blogspot! The link is on my profile. It's a whole lot of crazy right now as I get used to it. And follow me on Twitter!**

**Disclaimer: Only the insanity of my ideas are my own. **

**EPOV**

Jasper was right when he said we had a big case load coming up. Our firm was taking on a huge murder case and I had a huge amount of work to do, pulling old files from similar cases and organizing them.

The distraction was good, but becoming more and more futile as time went on. The only saving grace was the fact that Jasper stayed in his office a good majority of the time. The less I saw of him, the better. Although I couldn't help the visions that swam in front of my eyes, imagining him without a tie or jacket with several buttons undone and sleeves rolled up, maybe a pair of dark framed glasses sliding down his nose as he concentrated on the case…

No matter what I did, the visions wouldn't stop and I finally just gave into them. If I was going to hell, I may as well enjoy the fall.

Emmett looked up from his desk. "Do you have the files from the Hill v. Perkins case?"

"Uh, I think so…" I rooted through the dozens of manila files on my desk searching for the necessary one. Emmett got up and sat on the edge of my desk, watching me look for it.

"So, you and Bella," he said slowly. I stopped rooting through my files.

"What about her?" I asked cautiously.

"I met her awhile ago when she was out with a friend."

"Oh yeah, she went out with Alice to that club. How did you meet her?" I knew I should have sounded slightly more protective or wary, but I couldn't manage it. Emmett was a good guy and I trusted Bella. She had earned that trust far more than I ever had.

"Just bumped into her," he shrugged. "I recognized her from your picture." He gestured towards a photo I had framed from a wedding we'd gone to a few summers back. We looked happy, yet awkward together. My arm was slung around her arm rather uncomfortably and our bodies were noticeably separated.

"That's nice," I said, moving back to my files.

"How- how long have to you been together?" he asked casually. Perhaps a little _too _casually.

"Since high school," I said.

"Wow." He whistled low. "Must be pretty serious."

"Yeah," I said hollowly.

"Well, you're lucky. She's a beautiful woman."

I looked up at him again and caught the faint blush that painted his cheeks. I had never ever seen this man blush and he did some fairly outrageous things that normal people would find blush-worthy.

Hmm.

"Found it," I said after a long silence. Emmett was staring at his feet, clearly realizing he'd overstepped his boundaries.

It should have bothered me more. Even if I wasn't physically attracted to Bella and wasn't _in _love with her, I did love her. I cared very deeply what happened to her to a fault. And it should have bothered me that another man was eyeing her when I wasn't there, if for no other reason than we were still together, still technically in a relationship.

But I only felt a twinge of annoyance. Barely enough to register through me. Not nearly enough to kick his ass for thinking about my girl.

"Thanks, man," he said, taking the file and walking back to his desk without another word. Weird.

I didn't have time to think about it. I had a full day and a lot to do, so by the time I clocked out I had almost forgotten about my conversation with McCarty.

I caught an elevator and pressed the parking level I needed. The doors had just begun to close when a hand slammed between the silver doors, prying them open. There stood my nightmare and my fantasy all wrapped into one. Jasper had a stack of files in his arms, looking incredibly harried. Just as I had imagined, his shirt was open at the collar and shoved carelessly to his elbows and I was sad to see that he wasn't wearing glasses. His hair didn't disappoint… it was messy. Clearly he'd been running his hands through it constantly today, because it was nearly as careless looking as mine. I thought of other ways he could make it look that way, and blushed.

"Hello Edward," he said congenially despite the busy vibe he was giving. "Can you hit four for me?"

"Sure," I said as I punched the tiny white button.

"I feel like I'm going to be here for hours," he said as the elevator lurched down. "They're picking the jury tomorrow and we start soon after you know, so we have to burn the midnight oil."

"Well uh, I hope you get a lot done," I said awkwardly. Our brief encounter was over as the silver doors slid open again and he stepped out. "Good night."

"Good night, Edward!" he called down the hall as he practically sprinted to a conference room. The doors shut again and I was alone. I couldn't deny that I felt butterflies in my stomach as he walked away. Maybe it was just me, but I always felt a surge of electricity between us when we were close, and afterwards I felt out of sorts, completely out of sorts with myself. This man did something to me that I couldn't even begin to understand.

Far too many sinfully dirty fantasies went through my mind, most of them involving me getting on my knees in front of him and taking him out of his pants and into my mouth. Or vice versa. Didn't really matter, just so long as his hands were on me and I could feel his body against mine. More than anything, I longed to kiss him.

The elevator stopped at my floor and I got out, finding my car quickly. Right now, I needed to drive, get out my excess energy by flooring it. Well, as much as you can floor it in downtown Seattle and evening traffic.

I was formulating a plan. I had to break away from Bella slowly and as gently as possible. It would the gradual drifting apart of two caring adults, rather than a ripping tear that opened up a wound. It was the only way I could possibly see it happening. Hell, it'd been happening almost as soon as it started. There had never been a time where we were completely happy together, totally united and blissful. That should have been a blaring signal to us but we ignored it. And now look where we were.

When I got home, I noticed Bella wasn't there. She had left me a note. _I went out to get some groceries and a movie for tonight. Call me if you think of anything. xxoo, Bella._

I changed out of my work clothes and flopped onto the couch. I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing away the monstrous headache I had. For once, it wasn't anything to do with Bella or Jasper, more like light sensitivity. I wanted complete darkness and sleep.

I awoke when Bella started banging around in the kitchen, putting away all the groceries in the kitchen.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked sweetly. "I saw you were asleep and I tried to be really quiet, but the bag of barley decided to fall out of the cupboard and knocked over all the cans and boxes…"

"It's OK," I said. "I was just resting my eyes."

"Long day?" Her face was full of concern, as usual. I think she was really worried about me and again, I felt another stab of self-hatred.

"Yeah, it's been really busy in the office. So, I talked with Emmett. He said you guys talked at that club you went to."

"Oh. Yeah," she said and cleared her throat as she began putting away groceries in a fast pace. A tell-tale blush painted her cheeks.

Interesting. Very, very interesting.

"What did you talk about?" I asked curiously. After all, it had to have been rather interesting for them to both blush and go quiet like that.

"Not much. He just came over to say hi. It was really loud in there, you know. I don't know why Alice likes it…"

Avoidance. Bella was very good at that. She liked to pretend that she wasn't interesting or important, anything to avoid attention on herself. It was another reason why we were still together despite the lack of passion. We both wanted to avoid and ignore what that might imply.

"Well, I'm glad you guys met," I said stupidly. "He's a nice guy."

"Yeah, I thought so too," she said, blush still painting her cheeks.

I brushed it off. I didn't feel like exploring it more, because I knew it could only lead to problems and I wasn't ready to deal with that right now. My headache was still raging, threatening to go over into migraine range.

We ate dinner, homemade chicken soup which actually helped my headache some and Bella popped in a movie while we ate. It was relaxing and nice, and distracted me enough to keep from going insane. Which is always a good thing.

When we went to bed, Bella curled around me and for once, I had a dark and dreamless sleep.

* * *

Jasper was torturing me. It was like he knew that his ass was at my eye level while I sat at my desk and he was standing directly in front of me just to give me an epic case of blue balls. Because that's what he was doing.

He was chatting with someone, very intensely from what I could see. He used his hands a lot when he talked, which didn't make the situation in my pants any better. I imagined all of the things he could do with those hands and his fingers… don't even get me started on all the things I could imagine him doing with those long, poetic digits.

I blushed and looked down at my files. Research, research, research… have to think about research, nothing else.

Absolutely nothing…

My eyes drifted back up from my paper and saw that Jasper had shifted and was now turned more towards me. I fought with myself to not check out his profile and think about the bulge I could barely make out through his trousers.

The bulge in my pants got more prominent.

"Do you have it?" Emmett asked suddenly, breaking my Jasper-induced daze and making me jump.

"What?" I asked, still out of it.

"The file."

"What file?" I was truly confused now. Apparently I'd been staring for a lot longer than I thought.

He sighed and fished out a folder just under the one I was supposed to be examining.

"This one. What's wrong, you OK man?"

"Um, sure, yeah, just spaced for a bit," I lied. "I'm fine."

He gave me an appraising look. I think he was started to suspect that I was insane or something. And he wouldn't be wrong. "Right," he said and took the file to his desk. I saw him shake his head to himself as he flipped the file open.

I jumped again when I turned back and saw that Jasper was standing right in front of me, leaning forward on my desk. His crotch was definitely at eye level and I felt my mouth salivate. I gulped hard.

"Everything going well?" Jasper asked, giving me a pleasant smile. He was always doing that. Smiling and joking and laughing even when things were clearly insanely busy and tense in the office. Problem was, it only made me more tense when I saw the beautiful smile on his face, lighting up his amazing eyes. My God, I wanted to kiss him. The urge was spectacular and intense.

"Yes, just fine," I said, giving him a crooked half-smile in return. "I'm working on the Simmons file, it has some info I think we can use."

"Excellent," he said, his grin widening. "Keep up the good work, Edward."

I felt the incredible urge to sigh and clasp my hands happily, something akin to a schoolgirl. Ugh. But it couldn't be helped. I was happy that he was happy with me.

"Thank you, sir," I said and I might have imagined it, but he smirked for just a brief moment. He tapped his hand on the top of my files twice, nodded to me and then walked away, leaving me panting as I took in his swagger.

I wondered what he looked like in jeans… or boxers… or briefs… or nothing at all…

Emmett was sitting back next to me the next moment. I jumped again.

"Dammit, Emmett, stop doing that!" I said. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"What was _that?_" he asked in a hushed tone. "Did you see that?"

"What?" I truly had no idea what he was talking about.

"I don't mean to alarm you my friend, but he was checking you out. Do you think… is he _gay?"_

My heart leapt in my chest and I very nearly gasped. _WHAT?!?!?!_

"Ex-excuse me?" I managed.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I thought you noticed. It was kind of obvious. He was pretty much… eye fucking you. Just… dude. Who woulda thought he liked cocks, huh?"

I shot him a deadly look. He at least had the good grace to look embarrassed of himself.

"I need to work on this file," I said in a low voice. "And you probably have things to do."

"Shit, man, I'm sorry; I just thought you should know… Watch out."

"There's nothing to watch out _for,_" I said through clenched teeth.

Emmett slid off my desk and went back to his desk. This time, he was muttering something under his breath and I could only hear snippets of "spacey," "crazy," and "didn't deserve," and most importantly, "Bella."

Whoa. Information overload. First, Jasper had been checking me out?! Why in the fuck didn't I notice this?! Could he actually be… was it really possible… what if he was…? I pretended to look down at the files in front of me but I couldn't see a damn thing. All I could think about was Jasper, Emmett's observation and Emmett's utterance of "Bella."

What if Jasper were gay? Could I really have a chance with-?

No. I can't think like this. It was bad enough that I wanted him while I was with Bella. I couldn't allow myself to have any hope. I wouldn't survive Emmett was wrong; I accepted the assumption and ruined everything. I could literally lose everything and I wasn't willing, no matter how much my body and heart screamed at me.

Besides, even if he was gay, that didn't mean he'd want me. Emmett could have been making crap up, too. I couldn't forget that.

And yet, the way he had told me, no laughter in his voice… It was unlikely that he was that good of an actor.

And lastly, why had Emmett said Bella's name? They'd met, but both had dismissed anything more than talking. Unless they had been lying…

I had reached my emotional limit. My brain literally shut itself off and I zoned in on my work. Nothing but my job at this moment. Files, papers, cases… That was all that I could process at the moment. I buried myself in paperwork and ignored the dull ache and flare of hope I felt in my chest.

**EmPOV**

Cullen pretended to work but he stared at the same page for so long, I knew he wasn't working. What the fuck was wrong with him? The last few weeks, he'd been out of it, disappearing when it wasn't his break time, spending a lot of time staring into space, looking pale and stressed out. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was on drugs or some shit like that.

I had no idea what was wrong with him but I couldn't help but wonder (and silently hope) that it meant that he and Bella were having problems. Not that I wanted her to get hurt. From what I gathered, they were pretty serious,\ and I wasn't the kind of guy to try and break couples up. But damn it, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met and I couldn't help but hope that someday she wouldn't be attached.

Yeah, I wanted to make a move. But I couldn't as long as Edward was in the picture.

I sighed and continued my work for the case. I was done long before Cullen, who was now busily rifling through papers. It looked like he was busy but I'd bet anything his mind wasn't on the case at all.

_Brown Eyed Girl _by Van Morrison was playing on the radio when I finally got into my car. With a pang, I thought of Bella. The brown eyed beauty I'd zeroed in on at the club, the one I'd desperately wanted to hold and kiss and fuck so hard her eyes crossed. The one whose lips were so plump and juicy I'd practically whimpered. Edward's Bella.

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel and threw the car into reverse. I was acting like some kind of pansy, instantly obsessed with this girl, this woman, that had somehow managed to throw me for a loop in less than ten minutes.

She danced like some kind of sea nymph, a siren perhaps, though it looked like she wasn't aware of it. She mimicked her friend's movements but added a grace all her own. I had seen her from the bar and couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She was so sensual but completely unaware of it. Her body swayed to the music and I was completely entranced, totally unable to look away. And I wanted her. My God, I needed her. My body moved of its own volition until I was right behind her. I couldn't help but touch her tiny, narrow waist, just above where her sexy hips curved out. I bet her skin was soft and salty with sweat. I wanted a taste.

And then she'd turned around and I'd recognized her. And I was so severely fucked.

Because I knew in that instant I couldn't have her. I wasn't that kind of guy. I couldn't be. Refused to be. She was Edward's girlfriend, the one he mentioned so often, with that beautiful smile I saw each day from the picture on his desk.

I had tortured myself that night, pleasuring myself guiltily to her face, wondering if she could ever think of me that way, or if I was too late before I even began.

But now Edward was acting like an ass and maybe, just maybe, I had a chance. He didn't seem happy. I couldn't think of any other reason other than Bella that would make him look like that. Like he was losing his mind.

And now I was losing my mind right along with him, dreaming about her every night, cumming to visions of her face, lips and body, hoping against everything that she might someday be mine. Damn. Maybe Bella just had that affect on people. On men. She really was a siren.

I need a drink.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update!!! I have the next one all written, so it won't be this long again, I promise. Though now that I'm all settled in to my Oahu apartment, now I'm sick as a dog, so yeah. Leave me lots of lovely reviews to make me feel better!!! A HUGE thanks to EmmaleeWrites05 for getting this back to me so quick. :-) Love ya, girly!!!**

**Follow me on Twitter and Blogspot (links on my profile). **

**Disclaimer: Only the twisted plot belongs to me. The rest is SM's, and I'm sure she'd be horrified... Haha!**

**EPOV**

"Edward!" Tanya shouted, launching herself into my arms. I caught her, but not before uttering an "oof" and earning a glare from my strawberry blonde friend.

"Oh shut up, pansy boy," she scoffed. "Lift some weights or something."

I stuck my tongue out at her childishly which earned a separate snort from Bella. She was glaring at Tanya. They'd never liked each other. Correction; Bella had never liked Tanya, probably because my mom had never hid her desire for Tanya to be my future wife.

Little did anyone know, the biggest threat to ANY impending relationship had nothing to do with Bella, Tanya, or Esme.

"It's good to see you Tanya," I said warmly, ignoring Bella's scowl.

"It's nice to see you again Bella," Tanya said personably and Bella returned it with a grunt. It was silly how protective and jealous she was being. Absurd. Tanya would never be, could never be, any more to me what she was now. A friend.

I squeezed her hand chastising and gave her my best "be nice" look.

We all piled into my car, which was parked at the garage of SeaTac airport where we'd just picked up Tanya. She chattered endlessly about the flight, her schedule, the things she wanted to see and do, and I did my best to nod, mm hmm, and laugh in all the appropriate times. Bella just harrumphed and started out the rainy window. I'm sure Tanya noticed this but it didn't seem to bother her much. She was already well aware of Bella's attitude towards her and while she couldn't blame her for it, she never tried to make amends either. Tanya just let Bella be, and for the most part, it was OK.

"So how's work, Edward?" Tanya asked and I nearly froze behind the wheel. "Still having trouble?"

"What do you mean, work's fine," Bella snapped. "Edward's working very hard on a big case and he's extra important these days. Not that he isn't always important," she said in my defense.

Tanya gave me a meaningful look in the rearview mirror and I grimaced.

Yeah, I had been more honest to my best friend than my girlfriend. Did that make me a God-awful person?

Fuck yes it did.

Tanya made a "we'll talk later" face at me and then made a random comment about license plates. Bella spent the rest of the drive in stony silence and I continued to play dumb to the looks she kept shooting me.

This was going to be a long weekend.

We dropped Tanya off at her hotel with promises of dinner later that night and perhaps a night out with friends the night after. I knew that Bella wanted Alice there with her to assess the situation or some crap like that… scoping out the competition or some bullshit like that. I was just like every other male in the world when it came to women. I just didn't understand their logic 99.9% of the time.

Bella finally broke the silence when we got a block away from our place.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bitch," she blurted out.

"I don't think it's me you need to apologize to," I said in what probably came out as a patronizing tone. I was sick of her unfounded jealousy and attitude.

"I know," she sighed. "It's just… Edward, I love you. You know that. And I know your mom has designs for Tanya and you… and it just hurts to think about. That I'm somehow not good enough."

Ouch. I had to tread very carefully here.

"Bella, don't be absurd," I said, unable to think of anything better to say at the moment. She grumbled something under her breath and by then we were home.

We hadn't taken five steps into the house when she attacked me. And I mean literally attacked. Her arms flailed around my neck, legs sloppily trying to hitch around my waist. I stumbled, bringing my arms around her to steady us. Her tongue pried my lips open and we stumbled back into the bedroom.

"Please fuck me," she moaned into my mouth. "I just need… I need…"

I couldn't deny her. I kissed her roughly, the way I wanted to kiss Jasper. Only her lips were too soft and yielding for what I imagined with Jasper. Her body was pliable against mine, not the hard planes I longed to feel against me, the muscle and masculinity of a man. Of him.

I rolled us so I was on my back, giving up any and all control to her. If I tried to fuck Jasper out of my system right now, if I had the control, I knew I'd hurt her. Because that's what it was now with her; me attempting to forget him. And it never worked. In fact, it only got worse.

But thinking of him got me hard and soon she was sinking down on my cock, and I imagined she were Jasper instead. I thought about how badly I wanted him to be the one bouncing up and down on me as Bella rode me hard, her full breasts bouncing with each movement.

"Ohhh, Em….ward, Edward," she moaned.

We were both quiet after that, moving silently together, the only sounds were of slapping skin and our bodies connecting together over and over. She touched her own clit and then she was tightening around me. My body reacted to hers and I came too, quietly and weakly.

"I'll apologize tonight," she said as she climbed off and then walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her without another word.

**BPOV**

I felt like hell. I didn't want to be a bitch but Tanya brought out the best in me. It makes me feel bad, but somehow, I didn't have a filter with this thing and I snapped at random intervals.

I don't know what I was so threatened by. After all, my own father had designs for me to date Jake, a childhood friend, but I never listened to him and the Edward/Tanya thing wasn't so different from that. And Edward held no real animosity towards Jake that I knew of. So why was I acting so ri-goddamn-diculous?

My attraction to Emmett was starting to make me go crazy. The more I wanted him, the more I clung to Edward… and the more stupid it all was. It was like I was trying to justify my relationship with Edward so I wouldn't feel the pull towards Emmett, who was still not much more than a stranger to me.

I wished I could remedy that. I dreamed of him each night and every night when Edward came home, I hoped to hear news, any scrap of information about Emmett possible.

I didn't even know what color his eyes were.

* * *

That night, we got ready to have dinner with Tanya. I was going to try to be on my best behavior, now that I had some idea why I was acting like a crazy psycho bitch. I was going to apologize to Tanya and try to get to know her. Because I knew I had nothing to worry about in the end. Edward would never cheat on me, he was so good and loyal and I knew he loved me.

Even though we seemed distant lately. It was partly my fault, I knew.

I dressed up nice for tonight. I still wanted to edge out the blonde gorgeousness that was Tanya, so I put on my best midnight blue dress. Edward said it always made my skin glow. I even spent time putting on makeup, which wasn't typical behavior for me, I can tell you.

Edward was quiet as we drove to the restaurant. I could tell something was on his mind, something that had been bothering him for a long time. I didn't want to press, because I knew he would come to me if it were something really horrible, or something he needed help with, but I couldn't help but worry about him. I wondered what Tanya had meant when she asked if it was work related. What did she know that I didn't?

Again, irrational jealousy swept through me.

Now I was burning with curiosity. What could be going on at work that would upset Edward? Did it have anything to do with Emmett?

Annnnd my Obsessive Emmett Disorder was back in full force. Fuck. I needed to keep my thoughts away from our encounter and all the feelings that went along with it. After all, we'd talked all of five minutes and that was weeks ago…

Y_et I had more feeling, more reaction talking to him than I had ever had over the years with Edward. What did that mean?_

I was scared to contemplate it.

Edward was humming along with the radio, and for the first time in a good long while, he looked happy. He thought I didn't realize it, but I had noticed how far he'd slipped into depression. He always thought he was stealthy but in truth he wore his emotions on his sleeve, and over the years I'd learned all of his tells, all of the things that clued me in on how he was feeling. I wasn't blind to how he felt. I just hadn't realized it had something to do with work. In my own muddled brain, I had figured it had to do with me.

I knew he couldn't read my mind, but there were times where I just felt like maybe he knew how I was always thinking and fantasizing about Emmett. It was completely irrational of course, but still, I couldn't help but wonder if he knew.

Had Emmett mentioned me at work and Edward got mad at him? Had they fought? What if Edward had hurt Emmett somehow?

I almost snorted out loud at the thought. Though I didn't know Emmett well, I knew that Edward would be no match for him in a fight. The man was simply too massive.

I wondered just _how _massive he was and where…

Damn it, Bella, head in the game!

"You look nice tonight Bella," Edward finally said and I smiled, shifting so the skirt rode up my leg a bit. Today's romp in the sack was pretty lackluster, especially after I caught myself moaning Emmett's name. I had been so panicked that I could barely concentrate on the sensation and I had just wanted it over with.

That was wrong of me. I felt incredibly guilty for it.

So I would be better to Edward now. I had to be. He deserved all of my heart. He'd never done anything to make me question his loyalty and love, and I vowed to do the same for him.

Emmett was gone, out of my mind for good now.

I was resolved to make it true.

"Thanks Edward," I said, flashing him a bit more leg. I was determined to make it up to him, after being such a horrible bitch all day today. I needed to show him how much I loved and appreciated him. Then maybe he'd open up to me about everything that had been going on with him lately. He was so damned closed off sometimes, it drove me crazy.

Tanya was waiting for us at the restaurant and I did a giddy little inner dance when I noted that she was only in dress pants and a blouse that could probably double as work clothes. I was still a selfish bitch in the end, at least when it came to Tanya and I suppose there was nothing I could do about that.

"Hello Tanya," I said, giving her my warmest available smile. "Did you have a good meeting?"

She stared at me as if I had grown a second head, but then again, I'd been pretty terrible to her before so this 180 switcheroo was probably out of the blue for her.

"Yeah, it was fine," she said giving me an uneasy smile. "I, uh, hope you don't mind, I brought someone with me… a friend of mine."

"That's fine," Edward said. "The more the merrier. A date?"

Tanya blushed. "Uh, yes."

And then suddenly, I didn't have a thing to worry about in the world. Tanya didn't want Edward. Her date appeared from the direction of the restrooms and snaked an arm around Tanya, placing a tiny kiss on her cheek.

"Hey, are these your friends?" her date asked. "Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale."

Edward's jaw dropped and I fought back a triumphant laugh. I no longer had issues with Tanya Denali. Hell, we might even become best friends. Although, I could no longer feel like the most beautiful woman at the table. That title would most assuredly go to Rosalie, who was a blonde goddess. Tanya and Rosalie as a couple were the stuff porn was made of. Even I'd pay to watch.

"It's nice to meet you," Edward said, holding out his hand in greeting. Rosalie shook and then she and I exchanged greetings. The four of us were escorted to our table, and we slipped into easy conversation. When I got my boxing gloves off, I could see that Tanya really was a lovely person and Rosalie was just as friendly and funny.

Everything was going great. Everyone was relaxed and enjoyed their meal. I sipped on my burgundy and felt every bone in me melt somehow. Good company, good food, good wine… all was right in the world.

And the next thing I knew, Edward was sputtering and half-way choking on his bite of chicken marsala. I refrained from slapping him on the back, knowing it wouldn't make things better and rubbed his back soothingly instead, exchanging concerned glances with our tablemates.

"Edward are you OK?" Tanya asked, looking genuinely upset and I wondered why I'd ever hated her. Rosalie looked puzzled, as it was her words that caused the reaction.

"I'm… I'll be… I'm fine," he panted, finally swallowing and gulping down some water. "So… Jasper is your brother?"

"Twin actually," she smiled. "How do you know him?" she added innocently.

"He's my boss," Edward said and I wasn't too slow to miss Tanya's wide eyed stare, confusion crossing my own face. What was going on?

"Oh, nice. He was so nervous to take the job, I hope you guys made him welcome."

"Of course," Edward said, looking everywhere but at the three women at the table.

Was this the work related problem Tanya had mentioned? What did she know about this Jasper? Was he making things hard for Edward, getting on his case about things? Rosalie seemed perfectly lovely, but what if her twin was horrible, causing trouble for Edward? And why couldn't he come to me with this problem?

I was in a bad mood again.

Rosalie seemed to be the only one oblivious to the tension at the table and she went on and on about her brother, and how he'd moved to Seattle to be closer to her. Apparently, her last relationship had ended in a restraining order and Jasper being the dutiful loving brother that he was, offered to transfer to be closer to her.

I noticed Tanya and Edward had begun exchanging meaningful looks to each other, her eyes still wide as saucers and eyebrows practically hidden in her bangs, while Edward had his eyes narrowed in a look that said "Back off."

When I tried to slip my hand into his, he pushed it away. Tears stung in my eyes. I was ready for this night to be over. I wanted to know what in the hell was going on, and I wanted to know _now. _

**EPOV**

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Tanya knew. I knew she knew. She knew I knew she knew. As good as I was keeping secrets from Bella; I could never keep one from Tanya. She knew me too well. She could read me like the proverbial book, and now she knew the truth.

That I was in love with Jasper.

It seemed as though she had kept secrets from me, too. How both of us had kept our true sexualities a secret from each other was beyond me. Then again, I hadn't told her, either.

I could tell Bella was upset. She was tense and I could see that she was blinking back tears furiously. She hadn't missed my reaction either, and she was upset Tanya had better insight than she did. I couldn't blame her. I wanted to get out and now, before something or someone exploded and the whole mess was laid out on the dinner table before us.

"So, we have to go out tomorrow," Rosalie was saying. "I know the best club and I have a few friends that want to go out, you should join us."

"Sure, that sounds great," I mumbled. Either Rose was completely oblivious, or she was playing the dumb card to get everyone to relax. Either way, it wasn't working. "Well, it's been really nice having dinner, but we have to go," I said, waving the waiter over. "I'm looking forward to tomorrow."

"Sure," Rosalie said with a smile. "We'll call you."

Even though we hadn't finished, Bella and I left without boxing our food and overpaid the bill. _Out, now, _I kept thinking. I finally took Bella's hand in mine, but she pushed me away as quickly as I had to her earlier. I deserved that.

We were silent for the rest of the night, almost literally. We barely even whispered 'good night' to each other before going to bed. I knew she wanted to talk but that was too dangerous to delve into right now. The way I felt right now, the whole secret would come out and I selfishly couldn't do that yet. I wasn't ready to face facts with her.

I wasn't ready to lose her, even when the guilt held me in a choke hold.

That night, I dreamed of Jasper, Rosalie, Tanya, Bella and the whole messy truth coming out.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the great response last chapter!!! I love knowing what you guys think. Please remember that I'm writing this story based off of a real friend of mine. His story is Edward's story, so if Edward seems like an ass, taking his time and not being honest... that's sort of the point. Everything he does is with a purpose, whether we all agree with him or not. **

**Now, for the Jasper thing... He WILL have a POV in this fic... more than once. He IS a major character in the story. But right now, he's sort of a mystery from everyone, including Edward, and I want to keep that mysetery for everyone for awhile. But he will have a lot to say, and I know just when he'll say it, so please don't beg me for it now!!! All in good time, my dears, all in good time. **

**Thanks as always to my lovely beta, EmmaleeWrites05. She writes one of my favorite fics right now, Engine 17, so if you know what's good for you, you'll go check it out!!! Edward as a fire fighter, come on now folks!!! ;-) Follow me on Twitter and Blogspot!!! And please leave me love. I'm sick and need the comfort. ;-)**

**Disclaimer: Only the plot belongs to me. The characters and all that fun stuff belong to SM.**

**BPOV**

I was pissed. More than pissed. Absolutely and completely furious. Edward hadn't said a _thing _about what had happened last night and I was too angry to bring it up. We'd gone to bed tense and woken up even worse. I didn't even want to look at him right now.

I dressed for our night out in my now familiar upset silence. Edward too, was silent, not saying a damn thing or at least nothing that would give me any sort of clue. He knew I was angry and he was doing everything short of sex to postpone my wrath. As if I would let him even think about touching me right now.

I felt… betrayed. Like I didn't have his trust anymore. Like the last seven years hadn't meant anything at all to him.

I was starting to feel like I didn't know Edward at all.

Edward was waiting for me in the living room, looking deep in thought over something. He didn't even look up when I came in the room, not that I necessarily expected him to. It wasn't often that he commented on how I looked, no matter how much time I had spent getting ready. I had never minded, until now.

"Let's go," I growled, snatching up my purse and taking the keys. I wanted to drive to get out some of the ridiculous amounts of energy coursing through me out in some way. Maybe at the club I'd get hammered. Yeah. Good plan.

Edward followed, for once not complaining about my taking the wheel and we drove to the club with the radio blasting between us. I played my favorite oldies station just to annoy him, because for some unknown reason, he really hated Motown. His loss; My weapon of choice in moments like this.

Rose and Tanya were already waiting for us there, along with a whole group of people I didn't know… and one face that I did. My body stiffened as I took in his tall muscular form for the second time in my life, feeling no less affected by him now than I had all those weeks before.

Emmett flashed me a grin, which I returned with a certain amount of guilt. Then again, Edward also seemed tense besides me. His mouth had slipped open slightly, his eyes looking incredulous. I automatically took a step to the left away from him, trying to hold off a scowl.

"Hi guys!" Rose said, oblivious once again to everyone's discomfort. She was good at deflecting what was so plain in front of her. "Guys, this is Edward and Bella! And these are Emmett McCarty, Irina Malkovich, Kate and Garrett Miller, and my twin brother, Jasper Whitlock. Well Edward, I guess you know him," she added with a giggle and Edward made a strangled sound in the back of his throat.

I decided to ignore him. I _had _intended on focusing my pent-up sexual energy on Emmett, but then I noticed Irina's arm slung around him casually and had to look away. I felt his gaze burning into my skin and my anger grew.

Either he was simply out on a date, someone he had just met… or he had hit on me while he had a girlfriend. Either way, I was unhappy.

"My friend Alice will be joining us too," I added hollowly, surprised I even had a voice to speak. "She should be here soon."

"Oh good!" Rose said, clearly the spokesperson of any and all event. "I look forward to meeting her."

Tanya shot her a _look_ and Rose blushed. "Sorry," she mouthed. Tanya smirked and slapped Rosalie on the ass. Only Emmett looked.

I sighed. This was already turning out to be a horrible evening.

**EmPOV**

She took my breath away. She was better than any memory, any photo Edward might have stashed at his desk. Her legs went on for miles in her tiny scrap of a dress, and I had the incredible urge to take an expedition up those legs and discover just how silky smooth they might be near her center, feel how wet she'd be for me…

Irina's arm tightened around my waist and I was reminded of where I was and with whom. Irina and I were just friends, but she had always made it clear that she wanted to be more and I wasn't ready for that. Especially not now, when my body (and perhaps part of my heart as well) so clearly craved another. Bella was my every thought lately and I couldn't help but want to get closer, get to know her. I wished that tonight could have been the night, but I knew with Edward here… and my stupid morals… that there was no way this was going to happen now.

And speaking of Edward… Once again, he was acting weird. And I mean… psycho weird. He looked like he hadn't slept properly in a few weeks, months even, and his mouth was formed in a near-permanent grimace, like he had just seen his puppy get shot. One part of me wanted to feel bad for the guy, because whatever was going on in his head was clearly torturing him.

And then there was Jasper. Now there was something odd. He had been checking out Edward since day one, so far as I could tell. He was always subtle, but to my observant eye, he was always incredibly obvious. Their first handshake alone had me questioning things.

Everyone thought that because I was a big guy, that I was dumb and clueless. I found that I liked it that way. They all underestimated me but that was OK because I got the upper hand that way. I noticed things most people missed. It was my secret weapon. I was always in the know.

Right now, my instincts were telling me that Jasper and Edward were into each other… and my selfish desires hoped that it meant that Bella would soon be available for dates, fucking and general merriment.

I may be more sensitive than people think, but deep down, I was still an asshole. We all know this. We must accept it and move on.

We were all going inside the club now and I made sure that I went right after Bella, giving me a few stray seconds to stare freely at her lightly freckled shoulders and the graceful curve of her neck. Just like her name… like a swan. A beautiful swan.

God, I'm getting corny.

Because apparently Jasper and Rosalie are something akin to VIPs, we were able to be seated right away, each couple pairing up next to each other. I made sure to snag the seat next to Bella. If I couldn't have her in my arms, at the very least, she could be next to my arm. I caught a whiff of the innocent strawberry scent of her hair and felt myself harden in my pants.

_Don't go there, McCarty, _I warned myself.

To distract myself, I looked around the rest of the table. I noticed with a start that Edward and Jasper had seated themselves next to each other and Jasper was currently making small talk with Edward. Edward's hands were tense on the table, to the point where you could nearly see them whiten with strain. Jasper was the opposite. I'd never seen him look more relaxed and pleased with where he was than right then.

My assessment of the situation let me know that Edward wanted Jasper, but was scared to admit it and too afraid to break it off with Bella for fear of finally admitting his true sexuality. While Jasper was comfortable with who he was, but not quite ready to make a move.

Am I good or am I _good_?

I looked around the rest of the table, to see our token married couple, Kate and Garrett giggling and whispering things to each other, their hands strangely absent from the table top. Our beautiful girls, Rose and Tanya also playing under the table; Irina staring at the bartender and Bella grumpily staring at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap.

"Hey," I said, nudging Bella with my elbow. It was our first skin on skin contact, my elbow against her bare arm and the soft, suppleness of her body sent shockwaves through me. "You OK?"

She sighed and looked over at Edward. Did she know? "No, not really. It's been a bad couple of days."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said truthfully. I never wanted this angel to ever be sad. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not at all," she said with a laugh. "Right now… I want a drink."

"Ask and ye shall receive," I said cheekily. "What does everyone want?"

"I'll go with you," Bella said immediately, standing with me to get everyone's drink orders.

I silently rejoiced that she wanted to be with me in any capacity. "I'm glad you're coming with me," I said with a grin. "I could use someone with assets like yours to get the bartender's attention."

"Maybe Irina should go over then," Bella said with a smirk and I looked at her with surprise. I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed things.

"You may be right about that," I said, letting her know that Irina and I were nothing more than friends and that I was more than willing to let another man take her on.

She seemed to visibly relax then and I hoped it meant what I thought it did.

God, everything was so fucked up, but I couldn't help but be incredibly happy about the way things were going. Our conversation was so easy as we waited at the bar, so natural. It felt like I had known her for years. We had the same taste in music, a love for all things comedy and she was genuinely interested in my true career interest: law enforcement.

"So you work for the law now," she said. "But you want to be the one administering the justice?"

"Kind of," I said. "I think it's more I want to get the bad guy, clean up the streets, you know what I mean? I want to protect what I love, care for."

"And what do you love?" she asked, so quietly I almost didn't hear her. My heart did a funny little skip in my chest. The first urge was to say "_you._"

"My family. My friends. Little babies with red balloons," I added, hoping to make her laugh. It worked.

"Excellent answer," she said, gathering beers and fruity drinks in her arms. I admired that she had ordered a beer instead of some drink with an umbrella. My kind of girl. Literally everything I learned about her, I adored. She was fascinating. It also didn't hurt that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever set eyes on. Normally I went for blondes… actually; Rosalie and Tanya fit the bill almost to a T. When I'd seen them together the first time, I'd nearly spontaneously cum. But Bella… there was something different, something unique about her. The way her smile was so sweet, so easy to arouse from her. The way I wanted to wrap my hands in her thick, mahogany hair and kiss the breath out of her.

Fuck, I was still so fucked. No matter how Edward felt for our boss, he and Bella were still together and there was still nothing I could do.

We returned to the table with everyone's drinks. Irina had, in the meantime, snuck off the bar and I could see her making eyes at the bartender, who was thoroughly distracted by her. I was glad. She was just wasting her time with me and I wanted her to be happy. She was really a sweet girl.

Kate and Garrett had also disappeared, mentioning something about needing to "call the babysitter," but we all knew that they had just gone into some dark corner. I thought it was awesome that they'd been together for so long, but still wanted each other. I hoped it would be that way for me someday. My parents had lived in a loveless marriage and I wanted to strive towards the opposite, to have the most disgustingly embarrassingly lovey marriage of all time. Yeah, that made me cheesy as hell but I wanted to embarrass the crap out of my kids someday with all the love.

If Bella and I had kids, their eyes would be bright blue and their hair would be curly and dark brown…

_STOP, EMMETT, _my brain warned. _You barely know her._

Jasper and Edward were deep in conversation, totally turned towards each other, bodies inches away from each other. I was sure they were unaware of this fact, or else they never would have been so close, especially with an audience.

A very captive audience, too, from the looks of it. Tanya and Rosalie were watching as if it were some sort of soap opera unfolding in front of them. Huh. If Rosalie and Jasper were twins that meant that they were both homosexual. Interesting…

The only one who seemed to not notice this was Bella. Maybe she wasn't as observant as I gave her credit for and maybe that's why she was so upset. She didn't see the signs that were so obvious in front of her. She passed out the drinks in her arms and began nursing her beer, taking tiny sips. It was kind of adorable.

I decided that I wanted to talk with her more. So I did. We both loved dogs and she had always wanted one, but Edward was allergic, so they couldn't have one. I told her about my German Sheppard, Riker, named of course for the Star Trek: The Next Generation character and she clapped a hand over her mouth in surprise.

"I LOVE him!" she squealed. "He was my first crush!"

I raised my eyebrows. "My dog?"

She slapped my arm as hard as she could, which wasn't hard at all. "NO, Jonathan Frakes! I totally wanted his body. Well… no, I didn't. I wanted him to hug me and give me a kiss on the cheek, because I was 4."

I snorted with laughter, getting Rosalie and Tanya's attention. Now they watched us too, with equal fascination. I winked at them, letting them know I knew they were looking and they turned back to Edward and Jasper.

"Well, you'll have to meet my dog sometime," I said. "He's not as slick with the ladies as Number One but I bet he'll give you a kiss on the cheek."

She laughed and the sound was so beautiful. "I'd like that."

I was falling.

**EPOV**

I had fallen. Jasper was… God, I can't even describe it. All I knew was that I wanted him and not just for his body, although that was still a plus. No, I wanted all of him, quite possibly for the rest of my life. He was smart, he was funny and his smile made me feel weak. I felt myself moving closer and closer as the night went on, but I couldn't stop myself, nor could I pull back. It was magnetic, the way I felt about him.

I forgot everyone was there, including Bella. I couldn't even find it in me to care. All I wanted was more of Jasper; more of his childhood stories, more of his goals, ambitions, dreams, more of _anything _he might tell me. Anything he would share with me. I wanted to know it all.

And to my shock and amazement, he seemed to want to know just as much about me. I felt like I could really open up to him; tell him anything… except for the pressing desire I felt. Everything but that.

At some point, a beer had been pushed into my hand and now the bottle was nearly empty. I finished the last bitter swallows and set it down, realizing that nearly everyone had disappeared from the table and was now on the dance floor. When had that happened?

Tanya and Rosalie looked like they were practically having sex on the dance floor, hands everywhere and I was happy for them albeit slightly grossed out by their display. Half the men in the room, and some of the women too, were staring at them with their tongues hanging out. They were a beautiful couple, to be sure.

I found Bella, dancing with Emmett and Alice. When had Alice shown up? Damn. I was really lost in Jasper to not have noticed Bella's best friend, the loudest girl this side of the Mississippi and the most enthusiastic, too.

Emmett was close to Bella and he looked like he was dying to touch her, but something was holding him back. I almost wished he would… let her see that I wasn't the only man and that there was someone more willing to give her what she needed than me. Still, he kept his distance (to an extent) and let the best friends dance together.

"Want to join them?" Jasper asked, his eyes full of humor over something I guess I'd missed.

"Uh… sure…" I said, both reluctant and elated at the idea of being close to him. Then again, I supposed he expected me to dance with Bella, as well I should. Too bad I didn't want to.

We wandered out to the floor, joining the group. Bella glared at me but allowed me to put my hands on her waist as she swayed. I didn't press her close to me and it felt more like a reverse middle school slow dance than anything else. Emmett was eyeing us, clearly scoffing at the contact I was giving Bella. I'm sure that if he were in my place, they'd be looking more like Tanya and Rosalie… at least if he had anything to say about it.

Jasper introduced himself to Alice, who seemed excited to meet him. Then again, I think she's excited to meet everyone… except me. She'd never liked me for some reason and I couldn't figure out why. Maybe she knew something I didn't… They started dancing together and I noticed with a pang that they made a good couple.

Now Emmett was the only one without a partner. I wondered where his date had gone. He'd never mentioned a girlfriend before, but we mostly talked about files at work, so that wasn't too surprising that he hadn't mentioned… Irina? Was that her name? The second I'd seen Jasper in our little group, all other thoughts had flown out the window.

I don't know why I hadn't considered that he would come out with us. After all, Rose was his sister. I was still shocked about that little fact. When I met her last night, she had looked awfully familiar. I just hadn't realized that the reason was Jasper's photo on his desk. I'd assumed she was his girlfriend. I was happy to be wrong, even if that meant no real benefit for me.

My eyes wandered to him now and he and Alice were pretty well wrapped up in each other, except for the startling fact that he was staring at me. My heart gave a dull thud as I wrapped my arms more securely around Bella. Jasper looked amused, while Emmett looked frustrated. She leaned back into me, but she still felt stiff. Emmett had his gaze locked on her and I knew right then and there, without a doubt, that he had a thing for my girlfriend. And I didn't have a problem with it. In fact, I was glad.

I noticed then, with a start, that her eyes were locked on him, too. Hmm.

We were all with people we didn't want to be with. This was so wrong.

The song thankfully switched to a faster pace and we all broke apart, forming something more like a circle. I stood between Bella and Jasper and noticed that Bella moved closer to Emmett in the circle. It should have stung, but it didn't. I wanted her to be happy. And I was learning more and more each day that I just couldn't be that guy. The only person I truly wanted to make happy in this world was the man dancing next to me, the one I had so much in common with, the one who made me sweat just by saying my name.

I've said it once, I'll say it again, I'm going to hell. But as I continued to dance, I bumped hips with Jasper accidentally. He shot me a big grin and my insides melted. If I was going to hell, I may as well go in style…

**BPOV**

Emmett wrapped his arm around my waist boldly, considering Edward was standing feet away. I wanted nothing more than to turn into him and be held tight by his strong arms. Emmett was… well, everything. Everything I'd ever needed, everything I'd ever wanted, everything I'd always searched for and hadn't realized I was searching for in the first place. Everything I'd learned about him tonight had confirmed it. And it wasn't enough. I wanted to know more and more.

I was becoming addicted to him.

I felt happy. Happier than I had in a long time. Emmett made me forget all the shit that was going on with Edward, all of the stress and frustration I felt every single day in our relationship. Emmett was so fun, so easy to talk to. It didn't feel like pulling teeth with him. And that dimpled grin of his…

I was so happy to see Irina disappear. Apparently she really was just a friend, because Emmett had let her go hit on the bartender without a second thought and she still hadn't come back. I was relieved. It was bad enough that I had a crush on him while I was attached. I'd hate to be the other woman while betraying Edward.

As if I could ever let myself do that. I sighed a little to myself, wishing that it wasn't this complicated. It shouldn't be. My mom always told me love should be easy.

Then again, she'd left my dad when I was a baby and swung in and out of relationships faster than the bats of the baseball players she chronically dated. Maybe her advice wasn't as merited as I'd once thought.

The night was over too soon; after all, when was I going to see Emmett again? We'd flirted, indicating we wanted to see each other again but I wasn't sure if that was real or not. I also didn't want to do anything remotely like cheating. I'd seen from years of watching my mother, that that kind of behavior simply wasn't acceptable. I was resolved to stay faithful for Edward for however long we were together.

We said goodnight and it seemed like we were both reluctant to leave our group. I gave Emmett a private smile, which he returned. His eyes seemed to light up only for me and it made my heart skitter. I wanted to be in his arms, right now. But that was simply impossible.

Edward and I were quiet on the way home, lost in our own thoughts. I drove since I'd only had one beer, hours ago. I was pretty sure Edward hadn't realized he'd downed 5 beers over the course of the night. Whatever he and Jasper had been talking about seemed pretty serious. Maybe it was work related. Yet Emmett wasn't included and he worked with them, too…

Huh.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for your great response last chapter!!! Don't worry, Jasper will have his say... but it's not quite yet, so please hang on and be patient!!! Thanks to EmmaleeWrites05 for getting this back to me so super fast. Love you girl!!! By the way, you all need to go over and read her new fic, Engine 17, RIGHT NOW!!!! And leave her love, too. :-)**

**Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone who celebrates. I hope it's a good one for you!!! Peace to everyone.**

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**Disclaimer: It doesn't belong to me, alas... SM owns everything important.**

**EPOV**

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tanya demanded as we slid into my car, heading towards SeaTac Airport.

"Me?! What about you?! I always thought you liked me?" I yelped.

"I do," she said. "I'm bisexual, Edward."

"Oh." That made sense, I supposed. She _had _always hinted that we could be more than friends but now with Rose… "That's cool," I said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Same reason you didn't tell me I suppose," she said with a smirk.

I flushed. "Were we that obvious?"

"You were," she said. "I thought you were going to have a heart attack that first night and Rose only mentioned his name! And then last night… my God, you two were in your own little universe. You make a very cute couple," she added.

My heart thudded unreasonably at the very idea. I indulged myself for awhile with that tiny tidbit, pretending for a moment that it could actually be true.

"Do you think anyone else knows?" I asked after awhile.

"Yes," she said cryptically and then refused to give me any other information, such as _who. _There were four people I didn't want to know: Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Bella. I could probably deal with it if they just were kept in the dark. Unfortunately, Rose probably knew thanks to a beautiful little thing called Pillow Talk.

Ugh.

Tanya filled me in about the evening and everything I had apparently missed while I was in my little Jasper-filled world. She didn't ask me details about anything and she didn't pry. That was one of the best things about Tanya. She was always curious, but when it came right down to it, she wasn't pushy.

Then again…

"How long have you been in love with him?" she asked.

"Since about three seconds after I met him," I said honestly. It was true. I was heart, mind, body and soul in love with Jasper. I had finally admitted it to myself; I may as well admit it to Tanya.

"What about Bella?" she said quietly. She knew it was a topic I didn't want to discuss but one that was too important to ignore.

"I don't know," I said, ashamed at my own cowardice and indecision. "I have to end it, I know."

"She's going to get hurt if you don't do something soon," Tanya wisely advised. She was one hundred percent right, as usual. "You have to let her go."

"I will," I said, though I could hear a desperate edge in my voice. "I just don't know what to do."

"Tell her the truth," Tanya said simply. As if it was that easy. As if I could actually go up to Bella and say "I'm gay. Sorry I didn't tell you… but I'm in love with my boss, so this can't go on anymore. Love ya babe, bye!"

I don't think so.

"I will…" I said cautiously. "I just need to figure out how to do it nice and easy. I do love her Tanya, even if it's not the right way. I care about what happens to her."

"So does Emmett," Tanya smirked. "You saw that just as much as I did. I think he could care for her, love her. Let her have that chance, Edward. Don't be selfish."

"I'm… not…" I said, though I knew I was lying even as I said it. I was. I was a totally selfish, horrible bastard and I was jeopardizing the happiness of nearly everyone I loved just by holding back.

"Why are you so afraid, Edward?" Tanya asked gently.

"Do you even have to ask?" I replied, and she nodded in understanding. She had grown up just like me. Our parents were conservative; hers much more so than mine and it was a common occurrence to hear slurs and discriminatory remarks regarding "those homosexuals." They had never made it a secret that they were intolerant and it was clear that neither one of us would be accepted by our families should we ever choose to reveal ourselves.

Tanya also had the added bonus of religion being against her; her parents were strongly linked with their church, which never failed to bring up certain Bible passages which said that homosexuality was wrong. Carlisle and Esme weren't religious but I knew they agreed right along with Tanya's family, so I suppose I had that against me as well.

I wanted to believe that any god would love its own creation, no matter how we came, no matter who we loved. God is Love, right?

"I haven't told anyone either," Tanya admitted. "I mean, my close friends know… the guys and girls I date know… but I don't think I could ever tell my parents. They'd never accept it."

"What are you going to do?" I asked. "What if you and Rose-?"

"We're not serious," Tanya said, brushing off my question. "We're just having fun. I don't see this as a permanent thing. We just met a few days ago anyway. I guess… when _it _happens… when I finally fall in love… I'll just have to hope it's with a man instead of a woman."

"You can't control that," I said, staring at the road in front of me, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "I know that now more than anyone."

She smiled sadly. "I know. I can only hope."

What a depressing pair we were. Neither of us could ever truly be ourselves with those we were supposed to count on: our families. And for me, there was small comfort outside of this one friend, the one person I could fully trust myself with.

And it wasn't my girlfriend. Tanya was right. I wasn't being honest with Bella and it would only hurt us both in the end if I continued down this path. It was wrong.

I had two sides telling me I was wrong… and I didn't know how to be right no matter what I did.

**BPOV**

I met with Alice for breakfast the next morning. She was slightly hungover and had nothing but amazing words to spew about Jasper. Apparently, she thought they had hit it off well last night, even going into as much detail as how his hands felt against her hips and how she imagined she felt his arousal.

She was sad he hadn't kissed her, but she figured that they would in their next encounter. She was bouncing with joy at the fact that he had given her his personal phone number with a big smile attached to it. Alice imagined herself in love.

Once she had calmed her over-excitable self, she hounded me with questions about how the night had gone before she got there. I couldn't bring it in me to tell her about Emmett. She had seen us together, dancing and that was more than she needed to see or know. I don't think she had put it together that he was the one who came onto me in the club we'd gone to weeks before and I didn't want her to remember it either.

So I kept my mouth shut and didn't her much detail. To appease her, I even went as far as to concoct a whole sex scene between Edward and me, as if I would even consider doing to him what I did in the story. I loved Edward very much, but our relationship STILL wasn't like that. Even when he fucked me hard, it was missionary position.

It hurt to think that we were probably coming to an end. He was my first boyfriend… the first of everything actually and the only too. My heart hurt thinking it might have all been in vain. I had always imagined he was The One… the only one I'd ever love, the only one I'd ever have those kinds of thoughts for, the only one I'd ever share my life with.

Could I have been wrong?

Alice squealed and brought me out of my trance. "Jasper!"

I looked up to see the tall blonde man enter the coffee house. I hadn't gotten much of a chance to talk with him last night; he and Edward were involved in a lengthy conversation, probably work-related, that lasted all night. Although they had been laughing a lot, too. It seemed like they had a good rapport, which I suppose is important with your boss.

It sounded weird even to my own ears.

Alice waved Jasper over and he shot us a big smile. Though he was an important lawyer in the city, he seemed to be extremely friendly. At the very least, he seemed to recognize us.

"Jasper, come and join us!" Alice gushed, all a flutter over her newest crush. Alice went through infatuations like she did clothing, so it wasn't too surprising that she'd latched onto him so quickly. She had the biggest fucking giddy smile on her face as he approached us.

"Good morning ladies," he said, standing closest to Alice, much to her delight. "How are you?"

"Oh, just fine," Alice said, now in full-on flirt mode. "How are you?"

"A bit tired, but good. It's a nice day," he said, looking down at her.

"Won't you join us?" she asked, using her best persuasive voice. She indicated the seat next to her and he did. She grinned at me. "Have you already ordered?"

"Yes, at the counter," he said, settling into his chair. Alice was studying him, probably internally freaking out that he was sitting _next to her. _I wanted to snort with laughter. Sometimes she reminded me of a fifth grade girl, giving her friends a note to give to her crush, wanting to know how he feels about her. "Do you like me? Check yes or no."

We got our food and the conversation was a bit boring, but it was fine. Alice kept trying to press Jasper for more information about himself, but he didn't give her much to work with. I had to admire him for it but Alice was getting frustrated. While Jasper was friendly, I had the feeling that he was also an extremely private person and he didn't want to share intimate details of his life to virtual strangers, even if we just spent the last night hanging out.

I kicked Alice under the table and shot her a "be cool" look.

"I just can't understand why you don't have a girlfriend, Jasper," Alice mused. My God, she was blatant. I myself couldn't believe how obvious she was being. Then again, that's kind of how Alice is: lay everything on the table right away; it is what it is…

"That's just not in the cards for me," he said with a smile.

Alice froze, still staring at him like he was speaking another language… or maybe like she was the only one who could fully understand what he was saying, because to my ears, he was simply rejecting her. But she narrowed her eyes, not in anger, but in understanding. Her mouth even formed a little "O."

Why did I always feel so blind lately? It felt like there was one big joke going on and I was the only one who didn't understand the punch line. It was fucking frustrating and I was starting to concoct conspiracy theories in my head. That was a trait I picked up from my mother, who was always convinced that the government was tracking how many hot dogs and cans of pineapple she bought on any given Sunday, or the more standard things, like the Kennedy assassination and the man on the moon. This was slightly less extreme but I still felt like everyone knew what was going on but me.

"So… what brought you to Seattle?" she asked, changing the subject completely and Jasper launched into a long story about his sister's bad relationship and a sense of familial duty. Eventually, his lilting drawl calmed my chaotic thoughts and I was able to focus on the words coming out of Jasper's mouth rather than the upsetting thoughts swirling through my head. He had a very calming presence about him.

Alice and Jasper dominated the conversation, but with one phone call, Jasper was called away to his- and Edward's- office. I wondered how often they worked together.

"Bye Jasper," Alice said, more brightly than I would have expected, considered he'd pretty much shut her down immediately. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and a wave goodbye before he sauntered out of the shop. I had to admit, the man looked nice in a tight pair of pants.

"He's gay," she said, the second the door shut behind him.

"What?! I thought you were in love with him," I said, puzzled.

"Well, that was before I realized he's gay," she said, seemingly unaffected by her own revelation. ""It's pretty obvious."

"It wasn't to me!" I spluttered. "How do you pick up on stuff like that?"

She shrugged. "Intuition, I guess. And there were so many clues, when I put it all together, voila!"

I shook my head slowly, incredulous. "Well, I'm glad you can figure out stuff like that, cuz I sure can't."

"He reminded me of… never mind," she said, blushing and looking away.

"Of who?" I asked, now curious.

"No one you know," she said but somehow I didn't believe her. God, what else were people going to keep hidden from me?!

Alice saw my upset face and grasped my hand in hers across the table in comfort. "It's really nothing Bella," she said. "I'm sure I'm wrong anyway."

"Alice… who?"

"Edward," she said, without any other preamble. "He reminds me of Edward."

My mouth dropped open in shock. "What are you talking about?! Edward's not-"

"I'm not saying he is!" she squealed. "I'm just saying, they remind me of each other. They're both… different somehow. It's not a bad thing, it's just who they are."

For the first time in our friendship, I was angry at Alice. I don't know where she was coming up with this stuff but she was full of shit and I wasn't going to take it from her. Edward wasn't _gay. _My boyfriend of seven years wouldn't be with me for fucking seven years if he didn't want to be, if he were attracted to men. I was a small, feminine woman. No man hands, no extra body hair. It would be difficult for him to imagine me as a man, if he were in denial in some form or another.

Jasper might be gay and good for him, but Edward wasn't. He couldn't be…

"I'm sorry I said anything, Bella," Alice said apologetically. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Its fine," I mumbled, not really meaning it. My mind was still reeling with information and Alice's insinuation. "I… I should go."

Alice frowned, her specialized pout coming out. She usually only used it on me in times of shopping or lipstick comparison. "OK," she said softly, now looking down at her plate. All of her former enthusiasm was gone and I felt bad that I was the reason for it, but I couldn't help it.

I gathered my bag and promised I'd call her tomorrow and then I was gone. She couldn't be right, could she? Edward and I were close; he was my best friend and he'd never hidden anything like this from me before. We were always open and honest.

I thought then of my own deception towards how I felt for Emmett. It was wrong for me to feel this way about him and yet I couldn't help but feel it… and hide it. There was no way in hell I'd ever tell Edward anything about Emmett whatsoever. Was it possible he could share the same secret?

And yet hiding ones sexuality was slightly different than hiding a crush on your boyfriend's coworker.

God, my stomach hurt. The coffee this morning had been strong and I felt it start to eat at my stomach, up my esophagus. Oww. I shoved my iPod buds in my ears and turned up the volume to the highest level. Fuck hearing damage. I needed to forget everything right about now.

I walked quickly back up the street towards our apartment. It was the last place I wanted to be right about now but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. At the very last minute, I remembered the park nearby and veered to the left.

There was a lake, or something more like a pond, in the middle of the park. There were no ducks, no kids with toy boats, not even koi. But I loved it. From here, I could people watch. It gave me inspiration for my articles and books. Sometimes it felt like the entire world passed me by, even if it was only a few dozen people on their way to work or jogging off their cellulite.

A dog barked off to my right and I startled. It was close enough that I could hear it through my iPod and that was saying a lot. I looked up and saw Emmett grinning down on me.

"Hey Bella!" he said, sounding truly excited to see me. For the first time since I said goodbye to him last night, I felt whole again. I didn't have time to ponder what in the fuck that might mean, because Riker was currently licking the side of my face enthusiastically.

"Oh gross!" I exclaimed, laughing. I loved dogs and I'd always wanted one, but I'd never gotten the chance even as a kid. I adored that Emmett loved animals.

"Told you he'd give you a kiss on the cheek," Emmett said with his amazing dimpled grin and I grinned back. "What are you doing down here?"

"Oh, just thinking," I said. "Alice drove me crazy this morning."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she's good at that," I smirked.

He sat on the bench next to me and we talked for hours. The sun was more than halfway towards the horizon when we realized ourselves and had to tear ourselves away. I felt a huge sense of loss as he gave a short wave and jogged away with Riker, who barked happily as they went, scaring up a flock of pigeons.

I wanted to whimper as he sprinted away, noting the way his body moved, so sensual and yet masculine at the same time. I wanted to lick away the beads of sweat I could barely see forming… Gahh.

My cell phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out, noting the caller ID.

"Hello?"

**EPOV**

Tanya gave me a huge hug when we parted at the security checkpoint in the airport.

"Call me any time you need," she said. "We have a lot to talk about still."

"I will," I promised. "Have a safe flight."

"Yep," she said flippantly and then she was gone with a wave.

On the way home, I thought about everything she had said and everything I had come to realize during that conversation. It was time. I would always love Bella, but it wasn't going to work this way not when I was so clearly in love with Jasper. It wasn't right. I'd be taking away both of our future happiness this way and that just wasn't fair.

Bella's car was out front when I got home and I parked beside her, fully determined in what I was about to do. I took several deep breaths and steeled myself for the storm that was about to come down. The inevitable yet heartbreaking storm.

A burst of sobs exploded as I came into the room and in a blur, Bella was in my arms, soaking my shirt with her tears.

"Bella, what's wrong?!" I asked, alarmed.

"It's my… my… my grandma," she sobbed. "She's dead!"

My jaw dropped. Granny Swan had always been a healthy and strong woman. She was seventy-five, smart as a whip and wouldn't ever hesitate to smack you across the back of the head if you did something stupid. I loved her as much as I loved my own grandmother and the loss hit me like a punch to the gut. She hadn't been sick, or weak, or senile…

"Oh my God," I whispered. Tears sprung into my eyes and every other thought had disappeared from my head. I pulled Bella to the couch and we cried ourselves to sleep in each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. I also thank you for your endless patience with me!!! Please leave me lovely reviews. Thanks as always to EmmaleeWrites05 for beta-ing this for me... cuz she's just that frickin' awesome. :-) And thanks to the BFFF'ers for being simply amazing. Cuz you know you are. ;-)**

**Happy New Year to everyone!!! I'll see you on the flipside in 2010!!! ;-) Follow me on Twitter and Blogspot (links on my profile). **

**Disclaimer: Only the crazy plot belongs to me, the rest is SM's. **

**EPOV**

Bella went home to Chicago to help take care of things for her grandma- I was going out in a few days to the funeral but in the meantime, we still had a lot of work to do on our case and I was needed at work more than ever.

The extra workload was a blessing for more than one reason now. Not only did it distract me from the mourning of Bella's grandmother, who I loved as my own kin, but it kept me from thinking about all that had transpired over the weekend between Jasper and me. I was on an overload and it often felt like I was going to snap at any moment if I weren't careful. My mental health was in serious question nowadays.

And to add annoyance to aggravation, I was horny as fuck. Right before Bella left, she was on the whole "celebrate life-comfort me" kick and I allowed her to ravage me several times. I very nearly enjoyed it and would have if I weren't otherwise distracted by Tanya's assertion that Jasper and I would be a good couple. Therefore, we'd both been distracted and there had even been a time where neither one of us got off. That was definitely a first and awkward as hell. What kind of guy can't get it off for his girlfriend, or get her off either; especially when I had no issue getting off thinking about my boss?

I felt guilty as hell as I jerked off in the shower the morning Bella left, thinking about how it would feel to fuck Jasper in the shower, the water running down our bodies, his cock firmly in my grasp as I took him from behind. I came so hard I nearly had stars in front of my eyes and I was so breathless that the pain seemed to go away for awhile. I'd feel good for nearly a minute before I slid back into my self-induced depression.

It was all my fault, I knew it. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't admit what was so plain in front of me and it was going to make things so much worse for everyone because of it. But there was no way I could end things with Bella now, not when she was so fragile and mourning the loss of family. I couldn't be that guy. I loved and cared for her too much for that.

For just a moment, I let my head rest in my hands, my elbows propped up on a stack of manila files ready and waiting for my highlighter.

"Are you alright, Edward?" Jasper's rich voice warmed me, making my cock stir and press eagerly against the zipper of my pants, trying to get closer to the sound of my arousal. I loved how he said my name. It made me warm somehow.

"Uh… headache," I lied, though the way the day was going it was entirely possible it wouldn't be a lie for much longer. I needed a cup of coffee and maybe a quick wank in the bathroom. Maybe Jasper wouldn't mind volunteering…

I internally snorted at my own delusions.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said, his eyes smiling even as he held a sober gaze with me. He lowered his voice and his eyes changed. "I heard that Bella's grandmother passed on."

I wondered briefly how he knew that but didn't ponder it much. People in the office were too damn gossipy for their own good. "Yes. She's in Chicago right now."

"I'm very sorry," he said sincerely. "The loss of a family member is so difficult. I hope she's doing well- Bella, I mean."

"As well as she can be," I said. "They were pretty close. She was important to both of us."

A flash of something went over his features but disappeared as soon as they flashed over his perfect face. "I understand. If you need anything Edward, anything at all, please let me know."

My body ached for him and my mouth longed to tell him just how much I needed him. But of course, my brain went into overtime denying everything the rest of me wanted and all I said was, "Thank you."

He gave a brief nod, his hair falling slightly into his eyes, I couldn't breathe, and then he walked away, leaving my poor heart beating a tattoo in my chest. Woefully, I looked back down on the paperwork in front of me.

* * *

During lunch break I checked my email and found an email from Bella. The tone was sad, though she didn't say it outright. She was such a martyr, denying her own needs for the sake of others. Maybe we had more in common than I thought… lately I'd been doing the same gig.

There was another email there too from Jasper's secretary, Jessica. Apparently there was some charity fund raising party planned and we were all "highly encouraged to attend." God. I hoped there would be alcohol. The prospect of being smashed sounded really good right about now. I needed the dulling quality of the alcohol, something to soothe the ache I felt constantly. I was starting to worry about ulcers.

At the bottom, it was also noted that it was a "masked affair." What was this, Carnival in Venice? I imagined Emmett in a beaked mask and had to laugh. It was in a few weeks; I supposed I'd have to bring Bella and play happy couple. I internally sighed. It could have been all over by now if Granny Swan hadn't died… not that I blamed the woman for her heart attack, but damn.

Emmett swaggered over, a container of potato salad in one hand and a big spoon in the other. "What's up, Eddie?"

I groaned aloud. "For the twelve millionth time Emmett, do NOT call me Eddie. Edward. The name is EDWARD."

"Jesus, what's your problem?" he asked, taking a big bite of salad.

"Nothing," I growled. "Just… tired and stressed out."

His eyes softened. "How come?"

I don't know why I told him but I felt compelled to talk to someone- anyone- about at least one of the issues pressing down on me. "Bella's grandma died. And we were all really close to her. She's gone to Chicago to help take care of things."

He gasped and looked genuinely concerned. "Oh my God," he whispered, more to himself than to anyone else. He looked truly upset and I had to wonder how deeply he felt for Bella. I knew he had to have some sort of feelings for her, based on the way he looked at her as we all danced in the club, but I had assumed it was a sex thing. He seemed like that kind of guy. But as he absorbed the information I told him, I couldn't deny that Emmett seemed to have genuine and pure feelings for Bella. My girlfriend.

We were silent for awhile after that. He seemed to have forgotten about the potato salad in his hands, clearly lost in his own thoughts and I pondered how weird it would be for me to help play matchmaker for my coworker and girlfriend. Definitely weird.

I nearly jumped when Jasper joined us, some sort of sandwich in his hands. "What's up, fellas?" he asked in total departure of his normal behavior. I guess he lost the informality of being the boss during food consumption.

Emmett shook his head slightly, breaking out of his daze, and looked up at Jasper. "Um fine," he said and it was obvious he was lying. I wondered how often people really lie to each other without anyone noticing. It seemed to be commonplace these days, at least in my own life.

"I just coming over here to talk about this charity event," Jasper said. There was a tiny bit of mustard on the corner of his mouth and I had the incredible urge to lick it away, even though I loathe mustard. "You're not required to attend, or to donate, but it would be nice if you made an appearance to represent the company. Several other firms from around the Seattle area are attending and we want to show a good face."

Sometimes, he was so damned formal and professional. It made me love him even more.

"And of course, you're allowed to bring dates."

Emmett looked pained and Jasper studied me curiously, as if he were waiting for me to say something. His clear blue eyes pierced me and my heart fluttered despite the situation. It was always this way when his eyes were fixed on me. I couldn't help my reaction to him. I could feel the blush tinge my cheeks even as I willed it away.

It seemed like no one knew what to say. Emmett cleared his throat and mumbled something before retreating out the door and Jasper smiled at me while my throat went dry. The way he was looking at me… My cock yearned for him.

"You will look handsome in a mask," he murmured and my jaw threatened to fall off completely as he smirked and walked away, sandwich still in hand. His office door swung shut and I was left alone at my desk, brain scrambling to catch up with my body, thinking a mile a minute.

Holy shit, did that just happen?

**BPOV**

I laid my head on my grandma's old kitchen table and fought the tears that were threatening to spill over once again. My dad didn't need to see me cry again; he barely knew what to do the first time. He was handling his mother's surprise death relatively well but he wasn't equipped to deal with a tearful daughter even on his best day. It just wasn't in his genetic makeup.

The house still smelled like her. It wasn't necessarily a pleasant smell, more like powerful floral perfume and the cat litter in the mudroom, but it was still the smell of Granny Swan's home. The thought of never smelling it again was a powerful punch to the gut.

I almost wished Edward were here. I knew he'd be coming in two days for the funeral but I needed a hug. Charlie was completely incapable of such comfort and I didn't know too many other people in the city anymore.

And, was it horrible that I wished Emmett was here far more than my boyfriend? I craved him, even in my fragile emotional state. Or maybe he was part of the reason I was so fragile right now. God, I didn't know what was going on anymore.

My phone vibrated against the table, startling me. It was Renee.

"Hi Mom," I said, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice.

"Hi baby," she said in her soothing voice. She'd been calling me every few hours to make sure I hadn't had an emotional breakdown or anything. She had no idea just how close to one I really was. "How's things?"

"Same," I said, my throat thick now. I swallowed hard but that did nothing but make the ache worse. Yep. This was the conversation where I'd finally lose it. Just in case, I slipped into the adjoining bedroom, Granny's guest room I'd spent so many nights in. She'd made the faded old quilt on the bed when Charlie was a kid and I was sure that old picture of my grandad had been up there for decades. I wondered if the paint was brighter underneath it and then realized I was just trying to distract myself.

I flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling, tears welling up in my eyes. "It's just so sad, Mom."

"I know," she said, her voice heavy with tears too. "I did love that woman. God knows I did."

"Everyone did," I said sadly. "She was the best."

And then the floodgates opened up and she and I cried together endlessly. Each sob triggered another and it wasn't as cleansing as it should have been. My sobs got louder and louder, even as Renee's subsided and soon she was asking me if I was OK. The tears choked me and I found it hard to breathe. When I cry, sometimes I forget about things, like my need for oxygen. I hyperventilate a lot more than is healthy.

"Bella! Bella! Please breathe, you're scaring me!" Renee said desperately into the phone. "Honey, calm down!"

Eventually, the sobs evened out but the pain in my heart still weighed heavily and I felt like I was going to throw up. My pillow was covered in snot and tears, and I had the worst headache of my life. My body wracked with empty sobs and I was still quivering with emotional pain that went far beyond the loss of my grandmother.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Renee begged, knowing that this wasn't only for Granny. She was too perceptive, even on the phone.

"Everything," I cried, wailing again. "Just… everything is shit."

"Why? What's going on? Are you pregnant?"

"Oh God no!" I exclaimed, indignant even in my emotional car wreck. "No no no!"

"Oh thank God," she sighed, clearly relieved. "When what's wrong, baby?"

I proceeded to spill out the last few weeks to her, though I'm not sure how much of it made sense through my stuffed up nose and rambling stories about Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Edward.

When I was finally done, there was silence on the other end and I held up the tear streaked phone to make sure that she was still there. "Mom?"

"Edward's gay?" was all she said.

"No… I mean… I don't think so…" I said. "I'm not sure anymore."

"I guess I should have seen that coming," she said and I was shocked.

"What do you mean?!"

"Well honey, when you think about it, there are an awful lot of signs. I mean… didn't he hold out on you for a long time, for your first kiss and sex and all that?"

"Oh God Mom," I groaned. She and I were extremely open and honest to each other about each other's lives but there are some things you just don't want to talk about with your mother, no matter what the circumstance is.

"Well didn't he?" she demanded.

"I'm not going to talk about this!" I exclaimed.

"All right then, tell me about this Emmett guy."

Me and my big mouth. I shouldn't have said anything, because now I was feeling worse than ever before. Wasn't crying and talking supposed to make you feel better? What a bunch of crap. "He's… amazing," I sighed, defeated. "I think I'm falling for him."

My mom squealed, surprising me once again. She reminded me a lot of Alice sometimes. Maybe that's why we were such good friends.

We spent the rest of the hour talking about everything rationally and calmly. I was able to make complete sentences when I wasn't crying my head off and I supposed that by the time I hung up, I felt slightly better. I was still incredibly upset but there wasn't much I could do about that right now.

I knew what I had to do. I had to end it with Edward. Regardless of what happened between Emmett and me, if anything ever did happen, I couldn't let Edward hang back and not have the chance to find true happiness. I loved that man and I knew he deserved all the happiness in the world. Maybe I wasn't the girl that could give it to him. Or maybe that was the problem… that I was a girl… shit.

Edward called me then, shoving me out of my thought process.

"Hi Bella," he said quietly, carefully. "How are you?"

I shrugged and then realized he couldn't see me. "I'm… as good as I can be."

"Yeah, I understand that," he said. "I'm sorry I can't be there for you right now. I'd really love to give you a big hug."

"Aww, I'd love that," I said with a smile in my voice. "That's what I need."

"Well, I'll be there day after tomorrow and you can expect one from me."

No matter how I may feel about him now, I would always love Edward, if for no other reason than right now. Nothing would ever change the fact that he was my best friend and I loved him more than any other person in this world. It just wasn't that "in love" feeling anymore.

"So… We're having this party at work in a few weeks," he said. "And I was hoping you'd come with me."

Damn it.

"Sure," I said, falsely bright at the idea. The last thing I needed was to go on a date with Edward… with Emmett and Jasper around. There was bound to be trouble there. "Sounds fun."

"Yeah," he said but he sounded as strained as I did. Half of me wanted to end things, here and now, right over the phone. But I just couldn't do that. It wasn't right.

Fuck, was anything right anymore? I was starting to doubt it.

"Well, uh, I don't have too much else to say," he said with a laugh. It sounded funny. "Pretty boring around here without you."

"Yeah it's been weird being home," I said. "My dad is pretty much out of it, so I'm the only one doing anything. It'd be nice to have some company."

"Well, like I said, I'll be there soon," he promised.

My eyes welled with tears. "Yeah, good. I guess… I'll talk with you later, Edward."

"Good night, Bella," he said. "Sleep well."

"You, too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I slammed the phone shut and burst into tears again. Nothing was right anymore. Nothing.

**EmPOV**

I held my phone in my hand, unsure of what to do. A friend would send out a word of comfort, right? I had already sent the flowers, freesias, just like the way her skin smelled. That could be considered a friendly gesture, right?

Would she want to talk to me? Was there any word of comfort I could offer her? Or was that overstepping the boundaries of friendship? And what time was it in Chicago? Ten? Was that too late to call someone, especially if you were only friends?

Damn it! What the fuck is wrong with me? Normally, I'd know exactly what to do: nothing. Let her get past the pain and then be there to cheer her up when she was ready. I'd never done this whole pre-emptive "make someone feel better" thing before. I had no idea how go about it, especially when she was two thousand miles away. With a boyfriend. Who I worked with. Who was gay.

Fuck!

The phone was dead in my hand and I threw it hard onto the couch in defeat. I couldn't do it. No matter how desperately I needed to hear her sweet, husky voice, I couldn't do it. I couldn't cross the line and take that extra step. Because she still had Edward.

Let her boyfriend comfort her… she needs him, not you, I told myself.

I rubbed my face hard and grabbed for my beer. When I fell asleep that night, all I could see was her face streaked with tears. In my dream, I could hold her and kiss her, her brown eyes losing the sadness in them. I never wanted to see tears in those beautiful brown eyes of hers. In my dream, I brushed away all the tears and made love to her, telling her how I felt for her.

"Bella, I love you."

**A/N II: Leave me love!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Happy 2010 everyone!!! :-D I hope you all had a great and safe New Years. This chapter is for Larin20, because I love her, and because she brings out the sub side in me. ;-) Thanks as always to EmmaleeWrites05 for working out the next few chapters of this fic with me, giving me ideas and helping me sort out my own, and for being the most rockin' beta of all time. Check out her work!!! I'm obsessed with Engine 17 right now. :-D The link to her profile is on my profile, as well as my Twitter and Blogspot links. Check them all out!!! Please review!!!**

**Disclaimer: The kink is mine. The rest is SM's. **

**EPOV**

Jasper and I didn't interact the rest of the day, nor at all the day after that. I supposed it was for the best even when my body was craving him, and my mind was telling me to march straight into his office and demand to know what in the hell "You will look handsome in a mask" meant precisely. I had an idea but I wanted to hear straight from the source.

I packed my suitcase for Chicago reluctantly. These days, it seemed better if I just stayed to myself. No one could get hurt that way. But I knew that it would hurt Bella much more if I didn't go. Besides, I loved Granny Swan very much and I owed it to her to say goodbye. I added in an extra sweater and had to sit on the suitcase to get it shut properly but I managed.

I considered calling Tanya to meet up with her while I was in town, but it was only for two nights and I knew that the last thing Bella would want to do is go out and have fun. She was always thinking of others much more than herself and she wasn't the type to use social situations to forget her real life. I couldn't ask her to do that. Besides, Tanya would have questions for me and right about now, I didn't feel like answering them.

I didn't sleep well that night. I kept having dreams (or perhaps nightmares) in which I was deep in the middle of giving Jasper the best head of his life when Bella bursts through the door, her eyes widening and filling with tears, whispering "Betrayer" and walking out of my life forever. I spent most of the night rubbing forehead, trying to get rid of the pounding sensation there.

The next morning, I swilled my coffee to get rid of my epic headache and booked it to the airport with minutes to spare, thanks to the horrendous Seattle traffic. I slept most of the way, mainly hoping and praying that this weekend wouldn't end with disaster; my eyes shut tightly and blasted my iPod until the flight attendant poked me and told me we were descending into O'Hare.

Bella was waiting there for me just as she promised. Today, she was wearing a heavy red sweater that made her look tired and careless. I knew that sweater well. She used to wear it in high school a lot, right before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I think she was wearing it when we had our first awkward kiss, actually. I remembered it itched under my hands.

I sighed wistfully. Why couldn't life be so uncomplicated now? Back then the only thing I really spent time worrying about was whether or not I should wear my retainer, lest my expensive orthodontia go to waste. It made me look dorky but I'd have an attractive smile… A smile I'd used to attract Bella.

A smile I only seemed to give Jasper now.

A smile that simply could not appear on my face now no matter how hard I tried to force it.

"Hey Bella," I said softly, gathering her into a hug before she could speak a single word.

"Hey," she said huskily, her voice rough from crying, I supposed. As I pulled back, I could see that I was right. Her pale cheeks were streaked with tears and her nose was running slightly. I wondered just how much she had been crying lately. Whenever I talked to her on the phone, she'd seemed strong.

The face she wore for everyone, her own personal mask that protected her.

We all wore masks around each other. It seemed like none of us could keep a straight face, an open and honest one. We all had our secrets we kept hidden and exteriors that we showed to the world because we couldn't own up to reality.

"Let's go," she said, tugging on my hand. As we stood at the luggage carousel, waiting for my bag, I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She looked fucking miserable. Her mask had slipped. She'd gone through so much in the last few days that she couldn't hide herself any longer. It killed me to see her like this. I wished desperately that there was something I could do for her. Anything I could say or do to make her feel better somehow, if that were even possible. I wanted to kiss her, just as comfort, lips on lips, human contact but I couldn't bring myself to do that. I settled for holding her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze every now and again. She gave me a watery smile and then pointed out my suitcase.

Charlie was at his mother's apartment when we got there. I'd always liked Bella's father though I wasn't always sure he liked me. I couldn't bear to imagine his reaction if and when he found out about my hidden sexuality and the emotional pain I was sure to inflict on his daughter. It wasn't going to be pretty. The man was a cop, and incredibly skilled with his gun.

"Hello Edward," he said in his usual gruff way. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course, Charlie. You know that Granny Swan meant a lot to me."

He grunted and walked into the kitchen without another word. That seemed to be the theme of this day, because Bella didn't say anything either. She showed me to her grandmother's guest room, where her own things were spread out on the floor and bed, and then silently held out her arms.

I had promised her a hug two days ago and I was going to deliver. I slipped my arms around her and held her flush to me. She sighed and I couldn't tell if it was in contentment or annoyance, but I would settle for a mixture of both and held her tighter.

Bella wasted no time in winding her arms around my neck and burying her face in my chest. I could feel her tears soak through the fabric of my shirt in seconds and my heart bled for her. She'd had to go through this virtually on her own, because we all knew Charlie wasn't a good griever. He just sort of… sat around and let everything deflect off of him. Bella had once told me that's what he'd done with Renee left him and it didn't surprise me to see it now.

I guided us to the bed and she burrowed herself as close to me as possible. My arms tightened around her further and she sobbed into my neck now. I felt helpless. Even after all these years, the only solution I knew to make her feel better was to just hold her until the tears subsided.

The haze in my mind settled into a deep fog and I spooned her as she hiccoughed and sniffled herself into slumber. My arm lay against her waist, heavier and heavier as I too drifted off to sleep.

**BPOV**

I woke up with a pounding headache. My cheeks felt crusty, probably from all of the salty tears I'd shed for Granny Swan, Edward, Emmett and the patheticness that was becoming my life. My throat was raw, too. Ugh. I felt like hell.

Edward was there, still sound asleep. I rolled over and saw that his eyes were fluttering, probably in the middle of a dream. He looked so peaceful right now, more peaceful than I'd seen him in a long time. He had dark circles under his eyes, but otherwise you'd never know that he had been virtual recluse the last few months.

I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, feel him lean into it. He had a day's worth of stubble on it now and even though I didn't have those same feelings for him like I did so long ago, I still felt a wave of affection and attraction for him. Edward was a sexy man and it wasn't a surprise to me that a spark of heat wound into the pit of stomach at the sight of his lips.

I was about to steal a kiss from those slightly parted lips when he spoke softly. "Jasper, I'm not ready with those reports yet."

Poor guy. Even in his dreams he couldn't escape work. I thought about the last time I'd had a dream about work. It was a nightmare related to a deadline I had, and Alice was there, berating me twenty times more than usual. I think I had woken up screaming.

I brushed the hair off his forehead and hoped his dreams would make a turn for the better.

**EPOV**

_For some reason, I was only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs and a collar around my neck, not unlike a dog's. You know the kind that Bulldogs and Rottweiler's wear, leather and spikes? And my arms were heavy-laden with hundreds of manila files. They were heavy._

_I knocked on Jasper's office door. His secretary had said that he was busy, but for some reason I knew I had to go into that office._

"_Come in," he said in a low, silky tone. I knew it would be hard to hide the massive erection in my boxer briefs, but I went in anyway, eager to see him._

_Jasper was standing in a suit in front of his desk. He was even more handsome than I remembered, so professional and stern. My heart skipped a beat._

"_Are you done with the reports yet, Edward?" he asked coolly. _

_I looked down at my hands. The stack of papers I'd just held were gone - vanished into thin air._

"_N-no," I stammered, completely astonished at the disappearing act I'd just witnessed. Where had they gone?_

"_I expected them done by today," he said in his low, attractive voice. You could still hear the slight Texan accent peaking through the words. "I needed them done today." He frowned_

"_Jasper, I'm not ready with those reports yet," I said, desperate for an explanation for my behavior. I had disappointed hi, and the pain was cutting through me. I always wanted to please him._

"_I'm very disappointed in you, Edward," he said, confirming my fears. He took two steps towards me and looked me straight in the eye. We were almost the same height, and I could see clearly into his blue eyes. They were as cool as the color they represented and held a strong authority I found incredibly arousing. _

"_Get on your knees Edward," he said calmly. "You need to be punished."_

"_But- what?!" I exclaimed, unsure of why my body reacted as it did to his words. _

_Arousal, undeniable and strong, hit me like a Mac truck. I _wanted _to be punished, to let him do this to me._

"_I said, get on your knees now, Edward," Jasper said, stronger this time. The authority was clear in his tone now. I would be foolish to not listen._

_I tried one last ditch effort, more for my own peace of mind than anything else. "Bella-"_

_He took my shoulder and shoved me down roughly. My knees hit the ground and it should have hurt, but there was some sort of padding on the ground that I hadn't noticed before and suddenly I found myself mouth-to-cock level with Jasper._

"_I don't ever want to hear you speak about her ever again," he said and grabbed a paddle off his desk._

**BPOV**

Edward whispered my name and his erection grew stronger against my stomach. Well, I guess his dreams had turned in a more pleasant direction. The spark in my belly burst into a tiny flame of desire. He really did want me.

**EPOV**

"_Count," Jasper ordered and he lowered the paddle to my ass as he stood behind me. _

_The anticipation was killing me and he seemed to know it. He pulled down one side of my boxer briefs, revealing what was sure to be my pale white ass. His fingers slowly brushed against my exposed skin and I couldn't hold back the moan that escaped my lips. His hands were so soft and yet firm against my body._

_So it was a complete shock when he smacked the paddle hard against my ass moments later. The pain spread through my body, and I yelped in surprise. _

"_Count them!" Jasper commanded, and I was aroused by the sound even in my temporary agony._

"_One!" I called out. _

_Moments later, the leather paddle struck me again._

"_Two!" _

_Smack._

"_Three!"_

_Again._

"_Four!"_

_Again._

"_Five!" My voice was coming out in harsh barks now. I wanted desperately to look back at Jasper, to see the concentration on his face as he smacked me hard, but I didn't dare. My cock bobbed in front of me, ready and aching, moving with the impact of the paddle. It hurt, but hell if I didn't want more and more. _

_The paddle met my ass again and I sobbed out "Six!" and wondering when this would all end._

_Three more counts and as I choked out ten, Jasper's hand replaced the leather, and he soothed the skin there. It was almost certain it would leave a mark._

"_You did so well," he said in that silky voice again. His hand rubbed gentle circles on the irritated flesh and the pleasure mixed with the pain until I wasn't sure what I was feeling any more. "I believe you deserve a reward."_

_My weeping cock twitched in anticipation. The need for release was extreme, to the point of pain. Jasper seemed to know how to mix the two well. _

"_Stand," he ordered gently. It almost sounded like a request, but I knew he was still in charge. _

_I turned towards him, his suit was gone, and so was my collar. His eyes were warm now, affectionate and caring. _

_We were equals now and I could see that his arousal was just as great as mine. _

"_Edward," he whispered and took my face in his gentle hands. His fingers traced my jaw and I longed for him to place open-mouthed kisses there. I needed him._

_Our bodies bumped together and our cocks, erect and painful, brushed together. We hissed with pleasure just before our lips brushed together…_

Warm breath fanned across my lips and for several foggy moments, I thought my dream had become real. Jasper was right here, flesh against flesh, I was so ready for him, unable to control myself and I couldn't help but flip him over onto his back. I held his hands captive over his head and licked down his chest.

Except Jasper didn't have breasts. And where a throbbing hard-on should have been, brushing against my own, there was nothing but an engorged bit of flesh and a whole hell of a lot of wetness… between Bella's thighs. Bella. Right.

"Edward," she gasped, grinding herself on my erection. Not going to lie, it died down a bit in disappointment, no matter how much I needed the friction.

My eyes popped open to see Bella's staring back at me, pure lust in her eyes. Though it was undeniably sexy, I couldn't help but notice that she had never looked at me like this before. The lust had always been mixed with something else… what I now identified as love. The love was gone now.

"I need you and I can tell you need me to," she moaned, arching her back to me. "Please, Edward."

I rolled her so she was on top of me again and let her take control. It was out of my hands now. She rode me hard and fast, like the last few times we'd been together and I kept my hands to myself, almost detached from my own body and its activities. She didn't touch me either and we didn't kiss. I came imagining myself sliding between Jasper's lips, his baby blues staring up at me with love and devotion. When Bella and I were done, we fell asleep facing away from each other.

**BPOV**

When I awoke the next morning, I made sure that breakfast was ready before Charlie and Edward woke up. Scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon. It was distracting to concentrate on each ingredient, mesmerizing to combine them. I only thought about the thing I was doing at that exact moment. I was numbing myself, allowing my brain to clear itself so I could deal with this day. I didn't see any other way to do it, since I wasn't into drugs or alcohol in particular.

The funeral was held at ten am, in the church where my grandmother went on Christmases and Easters. My family wasn't particularly religious, but we played the game when necessary. Just in case, you know? In case of days like this, when you just weren't sure about anything anymore.

Edward held my hand the whole time and I needed it. I finally felt sufficiently numb. You always know these days are going to come, but you never expect them to finally show up. You never expect your perfectly healthy grandmother to die out of the blue. You never expect that you wouldn't get to say goodbye…

My body was out of tears. It seemed physically impossible for even one more to leak out the corner of my eye. I couldn't even manage a dry sob. I barely blinked. I just stared straight ahead at the pine casket, draped with the irises that were her favorite flower.

Charlie and I didn't want to speak. Some of her friends from the various clubs she was involved with spoke and some of them even made the other attendees laugh. Granny Swan had many friends and a lot of people who really loved her. It was nice to know and I hoped that my own life would be like hers was, too. No one wants to be alone.

But I couldn't bring myself to laugh with their anecdotes. I stared at the purples and whites of the flowers and felt a lump slide into my throat. It made it hard to breathe.

Edward held my hand tightly. He spent most of the time watching me out of the corner of his eye, his face full of grief and a tired edge that had nothing to do with sleep deprivation.

Last night, I'd needed his comfort and I had been aroused. I'd needed the human contact I'd been deprived of. But I hadn't needed _him _like I'd the thought disturbed me. I'd wished instead for Emmett's strong hands, his bulky body hovering above mine instead of Edward's passive advances.

Yes, I was thinking about unsatisfying sex in the middle of my grandmother's funeral. In a church. I might go to hell for it, but it seemed like I was already there, so why not? I needed to bring myself out of the numb somehow.

For about five minutes, I allowed myself to feel things again. But then the pain, anger and confusion cut too deep and I slid back into nothingness where it was safe.

Afterwards, I shook people's hands and thanked them for coming, and yes, we will miss her, but she's in a better place now. And no, we don't need anything thank you so much. And please, take some of the casserole home with you, we won't be able to eat this much, and by the way, thank you for the flowers. Her burial site will look so lovely now.

Bullshit.

Edward wrapped his arm around me and guided me out of the church, away from the hovering, sympathetic masses. We walked down into the garden off to the side, where there was a bench and we sat. I leaned against him and felt the sun soak through my cardigan set into my skin. His thumb rubbed circles into my shoulder and we were silent.

I closed my eyes and thought of nothing but the red filtering through my eyelids as the sun tried to beam through them. It was the first time in a week that I felt peace.

**A/N II: I KNOW some of you guys are going to ask it, so I'm going to just say now that Jasper is NOT a Dom. This is NOT going to be a BDSM fic. This dream is more a representation of the power Jasper holds over Edward- right now, he feels helpless for his attraction to him, and it is manifested in the dream. But did you notice at the end, when they're are equals? Yeah. Symbolism, folks, not a sign of what's to come. I mean... it IS... but it isn't. Haha!!**

**Leave me love!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Dun dun dunnnnn.... I do believe this is the chapter everyone's been waiting for!!! :-D So enjoy!!! Thanks a huge bunch to EmmaleeWrites05 for getting this back to me in record time. Love you girl!!! **

**I just posted an Em/B oneshot, "Consent to Release." If you're loving this story line with Em/B, you just may love it!!! Check it out. ;-)**

**Disclaimer: Only the twisted plot belongs to me.**

**EPOV**

I adjusted the cuffs on my shirt and sighed. Tonight was going to be interesting.

After Granny Swan's funeral, Bella had completely shut down. I'd never seen her like this before, and in ways, it scared me. When we got home to Seattle, she spent the majority of her time on the computer, typing listlessly and staring out the window. I offered to stay home with her but she didn't let me. Stubborn as always, even in her altered state of mind.

Tonight would be the first night she would even step out of the house and I couldn't figure out why, but it relieved me.

When she stepped out of the bedroom twenty minutes later, were I still attracted to her, my jaw would have dropped in shock and lust. She was in this tight black dress that showed off a hell a lot of thigh and more tits than usual. She really looked beautiful.

"Come on," she said in her hollow little voice but at least she was willing to leave the apartment, so I followed her out the door, grabbing the keys from her hand. Like hell I was going to let her drive right now.

We drove to the office building I worked in. It wasn't going to be held in the office but on another floor; sprucing up an old conference room or something. I held my mask in my hand, heart fluttering with the idea that Jasper might think I look handsome. Bella's matched mine; they were simple and black and looked like Zorro's mask.

We were greeted by banners that thanked us for coming and for the money we were going to donate to the "worthy causes" they'd chosen. I was embarrassed that I could only afford to give $50, so I put it in a plain white envelope and stuffed it deep down in the box, lest someone see me put it in. These kinds of things weren't meant for lowly workers like me, not usually.

Bella looked around the room nervously, biting her lip and I had to say I was doing the same, trying to covertly seek out Jasper. It would probably be hard to even speak with him tonight, let alone anything else, because several other firms from around the city were joining us and I knew he would have to spend the majority of his time schmoozing with the other bosses and top attorneys.

There were too many people milling about the spacious room for me to even hope to see Jasper right away. My heart sunk. I expected Bella to have the same low look on her face, but I was instead surprised to see her face light up with a happy smile; it was the first time I'd seen such a look on her face in weeks. The last time had been when we'd seen…

"Emmett!" Bella said happily as he joined us at the door. He was in a mask not dissimilar to ours and he had that sexy smirk on his face that I still couldn't help but fantasize about from time to time. Only it was directed at Bella, who looked like every ounce of tension had left her body. "How are you?"

"I'm well," he said, pulling her into a hug. I felt indifferent. "Glad you guys made it," he added as he released her.

"Yeah," she said in a breathy voice, eyes still bright and almost dreamy.

"C'mon, let's get drinks," he said and guided us to the open bar. Open bar. Excellent. I ordered a shot of whiskey and appreciated the burn as it went down my throat. I had needed this, for a long time. Bella and Emmett kicked back a shot and then we stood and talked for awhile. And when I say we, I mean those two. We all knew that it was stupid for me to be there, but I stuck around. Playing fake happy couple and whatnot. Besides, I was admiring and appreciating how Emmett drew such a response from Bella. Gone was my lifeless girlfriend who wouldn't even talk to her mother on the phone. The happy girl I hadn't known since high school was here, smiling as if she hadn't felt any emotional pain or suffering.

I wondered what in the hell I had done to her to take that spark away and I didn't like thinking about it, so I ordered another drink and then two more just to ensure a strong buzz. I was halfway to drunk when the dance music fired up and the formal demeanor of the gathering loosened up as the lights went down.

I pondered asking Bella to dance, but I knew it wouldn't make her happy, so instead I said, "Why don't you guys go dance, I'm going to find the restroom."

Both of them looked apprehensive and I gave them a reassuring smile and walked away. I didn't look back to see if they moved to the dance floor or not, that was up to them. But I supposed I was trying to tell them in my own way that it was OK, that I didn't mind.

My eyes sought out Jasper in the crowd, but with the lights down it was nearly impossible to see anything, especially with the mask killing my peripheral vision. My body was a bit wobbly, soaked with alcohol in every pore, so it took me longer than it should have to find the bathroom. I recognized some of my coworkers, but most of the people I saw were from other firms, or at least I thought they were since they were all wearing masks.

When I finally left the bathroom, I ordered one more drink and took my time with this one. I wanted to be drunk, but if I kept up this pace I'd be more like belligerent and that shit just wasn't OK at work.

I could see Bella and Emmett dancing together. They both looked strained, like they were holding back, but their eyes were looking at each other with devotion and that thing that had been missing from Bella's eyes when she looked at me: love. I felt a pang of sadness, not because she didn't look at me that way anymore, but because the one person I wanted to look at me that way never would.

I knew it was hopeless to go after Jasper. It simply wouldn't or couldn't happen. But every cell in my body ached for it.

But it wouldn't happen.

Emmett whispered something in Bella's ear, she nodded and smiled sweetly and he walked away.

I was about to rejoin her when a hand landed on my shoulder.

"I need to talk to you," a deep voice said into my ear and I shivered. For that voice, I'd go anywhere. Mesmerized and drunk off my ass, I followed the masked man, nervous as hell and aroused as all fuck. I admired the muscle definition through his black dress shirt. He looked incredibly strong and mysterious.

He led me to a dark corner, where there were very little people and no one really paying attention. I think at this point, they were just as drunk as I was and lost in their own conversations and flirtations. I leaned against the wall and studied Jasper. His hair was falling into his eyes and my poor heart nearly gave in at the look he was giving me. The best word I could think of was "smoldering."

"I knew you'd be handsome in that mask," he growled, trapping me in a cage with his arms. I could smell whiskey on his breath, just like mine. Our mouths were inches from each other, though our bodies were too far apart in my opinion. The only thing on my mind was him pushing me into the wall and kissing me breathless.

And two seconds later, I got my wish.

One of his hands went to my hip and pressed me to him, one hand holding us steady against the wall. I couldn't stop my hands from reaching out and pulling him flush to me, our mouths meeting hungrily in the middle as I stumbled back against the wall.

Oh my God. So fucking good…

**JPOV**

I had finally given in. And thank fuck too, because I was going to go crazy if he looked at me with those green eyes again like he wanted to devour me. Because fuck me, I wanted to devour him too. So that's what I did and I didn't give a fuck about where I was, or who I was, or what I was doing. Everything was Edward, just like it had been since day one.

He moaned into my mouth and I allowed myself to move flush against his body, hand dropping down from the wall to grip his jaw, to pull him closer to me. Because I just couldn't get enough. It just couldn't be close enough, couldn't ever be enough to fully satisfy me. My stomach was tied up in knots; I was so full of need that it made me whimper into his mouth.

Something told me not here, not now. I finally got enough presence of mind to know that if I kept this up, real shit would go down and I wasn't going to lose my job over this. Not that he wasn't worth it. Just that I wasn't ready to relocate, not when I'd just gotten here.

Not again…

I pulled away reluctantly and from the vice-like grip he kept on my wrists, I could tell he wasn't ready to pull away, either. But I had to move this somewhere else.

"Come on," I said, surprised at how wobbly my voice was. "Come with me."

He nodded and my heart gave an erratic thump as he looked at me with those half-lidded green eyes, so willing, so lustful. I was sure mine looked the same. I was tired of hiding it.

I tugged on his hand and we moved as quickly as possible into the hallway. We had to get to my office and fast. It was the only place I could trust that no one could get to us.

I wanted to say something to him. Anything, to explain my abrupt behavior, anything to let him know that I wanted this more than anything I'd ever wanted in my entire life.

But I couldn't.

So I kept going, kept pulling on his hand, up the stairs as fast as we could, until we were in my office. I was panting for breath and not just because of the speed and exertion we'd used to get here. Because my heart didn't know how to control itself around him. Lord knows I'd tried, but there was something about him I couldn't escape.

And I'd seen how he looked at me. It was undeniable, the desire, the lust, the need. I knew because I felt it to, every single day. It was torture, being around him. From the very moment I'd set eyes on him… that was it. The end. Or the beginning. My alpha and omega, Edward Cullen.

His mouth was on mine again before I could say or do anything. I kissed him back with fervor, with passion and it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. His tongue pushed into my mouth aggressively, much more aggressively than I ever would have thought possible from him. He'd always seemed so shy. But I liked it and it spurred me on. My hands found purchase in his hair and I was tugging and he was moaning and it was pure ecstasy.

We stumbled back towards my desk, Edward pushing me against it roughly. Hell yes, this is what I wanted. I had always hoped that somewhere deep down inside him, Edward had this in him, to lose his inhibitions, even if it was just with me. I knew he had it in him and I was amazed to know that I could pull it out of him.

I love it when I'm right.

I bucked my hips up against him eagerly, letting him know just how much I wanted him and I gasped into his mouth when he ground right back.

Needed… more…

**EmPOV**

This night could not get any better had I planned it out myself. By some miracle, Bella was with me and wanted to be. Edward had disappeared to God knows where and I got her all to myself.

Of course, it was torture to be with her and not touch her the way I wanted to, to not lean forward and kiss her the way she deserved. But I was being a gentleman, and the dreaded word friend, and she was smiling and happy.

I asked if she wanted another drink and she smiled sweetly and asked for a gin and tonic, so I went right away to get her the cocktail, my inner child or perhaps my inner adult, jumping up and down with excitement that this was all happening, no matter how fucked up it really was. I mean, where was Edward anyway and why did he suddenly find it OK to leave Bella? I knew what kind of shit was going down here, but still. The fucker needed to man up and end it with Bella, because this could end up shit for all of us if he didn't. Selfish motherfucker.

The bar was crowded and I left Bella for a lot longer than I wanted to. I began to wish that I had brought her with me.

When I finally found her, drinks in my hands, some Native American looking dude was trying to press against her and she looked fucking pissed, just as I was. Who in the hell did he think he was? I didn't recognize him from the office, so he must have been from one of the other offices. Motherfucker was going down.

"I said NO, Jacob!" she said and tried to give the guy a shove, but he was pretty solid so he didn't move an inch, which only pissed her off more and made his fucking grin widen.

"Aww come on Bella, just one dance," he prodded.

"She said no," I said, unable to hold back anymore since he was clearly not taking the hint. I shoved his arm back away from Bella and glared at him menacingly. He winced, even though I was probably a few inches shorter than him. I still had enough muscles to kick his ass and more than enough will to do the job. "Get the fuck away before I do something _you'll _regret."

"Jesus," he muttered under his breath and then he disappeared into the crowd, shaking his head as if _I _had inconvenienced him in some way.

"Thank you, Emmett," Bella sighed and then shocked the hell out of me by reaching up on her tiptoes to give me a kiss on the cheek. "I don't know what I would have done."

I fought back the smile that was fighting to break through. Like an idiot, I touched my cheek, as if that would somehow magnify the fact that she'd kissed me there. And then, like a horny bastard, I thought about how it would feel if she kissed me _everywhere._

"I hate guys like that," she said and involuntarily shuddered. "They just make me feel so icky." Her brown eyes flicked to mine and I felt my body start to react. Ridiculous. Must be the alcohol. Then again, I'd only had two drinks… but still. There was no way she should have been able to affect me like this…

"Well, let's get you out of here then," I said, more than willing to take her anywhere but here, preferably where we could be alone. "Away from that douche."

She giggled. "Lead me, good sir."

I took her arm, noting how soft her skin was under my fingertips and we walked away from the crowded dance floor, unable to discern a person from anyone else, thanks to the sea of masks. I felt lighthearted as we clung to each other, pressing past drunken bodies and some bizarre-ass looking masks. It was like a really fucking weird dream, but since Bella was there, I'd gladly live through this a million times just to feel her tiny hand in mine.

We turned a corner and the dream became a nightmare. Bella froze, and I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my throat. There, maskless, was Edward being pressed against the wall by the unmistakable Jasper. They looked like they were trying to swallow each other's tongues.

My eyes immediately shot to Bella. She was pale, even paler than usual and I'd never seen her eyes wider. Her perfect pink lips parted in shock and her hand gripped mine tightly. I didn't know what to do. I'd known this was coming, I'd seen it from a mile away… but really? HERE? Are they insane? Are they high? Drunk is what they were, you could tell by the way they sloppily moved together… but shit. What in the fuck was wrong with them?

Anger flashed through me. "Come on," I said gruffly. "Let's go."

I tugged on her hand, but she was frozen like a statue on the spot, unblinking and apparently unable to look away from the sight in front of her. Her boyfriend cheating on her. With a man. And even though I knew the moment would come, I cursed them forever for letting her find out this way.

"Bella, please love, we have to go now."

Something I said made her snap out of her hypnosis and she nodded quickly. "Yes. I have to get out of here. Now."

I could barely keep up with her as she turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction, where the coat check was. She thrust the tiny ticket to the guy in charge and though I didn't know her that well, I knew that she was breathing heavily to stop the tears from flowing. We rushed out of that building like it was on fire and she instructed me to take her to my house.

"I just can't go back there, not… _home,_" she said hatefully, like it was a dirty word.

I nodded silently and put the car in drive. She was silent and I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut instead of filling the car with meaningless chatter. From the way she was looking, it seemed like she was so shut off she wouldn't hear me in any case.

I live twenty minutes on the freeway from downtown Seattle, so we made good time on the quiet roads. I pulled into my designated parking spot and Bella was out before I could even shut off the car. I struggled to understand why she was behaving the way that she was; one minute, she was stoic, the next, frantic.

I grabbed her elbow as I walked towards my house, leading her there. She followed easily and I fumbled with the keys as she hugged me from behind when I unlocked the door. Her hands were traveling too far south… not that I didn't like it; just that it wasn't right, after what she just saw…

I led her into my house, praying I hadn't left my dirty clothes on the floor or something. Totally wrong moment to be worrying about housecleaning, but still…

When I went to flip the light switch, Bella's hand stopped mine. My heart thudded in my chest, because I knew what was going to happen next. And I knew I should stop it. I knew it was wrong. _Nothing _could have been more out of place than what was about to happen.

But I couldn't stop it…

Bella's lips closed over mine and I was lost.

**A/N II: Oooooh!!!! Let me know what you think!!! :-D**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Wow, you guys really seemed to like last chapter. I'm glad!!! Hope it was everything you wanted... and now the continuation!!! :-D **

**EmmaleeWrites05 gives this her seal of approval, but I did the beta work this time around, so blame me!!! Hehehe. Love you hun. You know that already, but I'm just telling you again. ;-) **

**Follow me on Twitter and Blogspot!!! Links on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Only the twisted plot is mine. Do you really think the real SM would let this happen to her precious, sexless characters??!! ;-)**

**JPOV**

It was all a blur. My hands moved over his body, trying to memorize every plane, every hard muscle in his body. I was drowning in sensation, unable to breathe. I was aware that my shirt was now unbuttoned and currently being pulled from my dress pants, but I was more interested in the way Edward's fingers trailed down my stomach, running underneath the waistband. My hips bucked against his, and I eagerly moved my own hands to pull at his shirt, my hands running up his back, using my nails when it became clear he wanted this a little rough.

This was too good. I was a lawyer, but I knew that had to be some secret law that I was unaware I was breaking. Because it felt illegal. Too damn amazing for its own good.

I had been fighting this for too long. Since the moment I laid eyes on him at that first meeting, I knew I was in trouble. It wasn't the first time I was attracted to a coworker, but it had never been so potent, so lethal of an attraction before.

Like I would die if I didn't have him.

I stopped thinking when his hand cupped my erection, which was dying to burst through my pants. It was painful in the most pleasurable way I'd ever experienced.

"Fuck, Edward," I sighed, wrenching my lips away to tug on his strange and beautiful bronze hair. I thrust my hips into his hand and nearly came just from the sensation. Either I was insanely drunk, or he was just that good. Perhaps a healthy combination of both.

My theory was proven when Edward bit down on my neck and I threw my head back, and the room spun. I groaned, partly from the sensation, and partly because somehow he'd found my favorite spot. Soooo good….

"I want you so bad," he groaned into my ear, the very first thing he'd said to me all night. His voice was deep and husky, and it aroused me even more. "Jasper… my God, you've been torturing me… I can't take it anymore…"

Neither could I. I dragged my lips to his again, and positively jumped him. We stumbled back until we reached the couch on the opposite wall to my desk, and I landed on top of him, immediately grinding myself on his thigh. I could feel his hardness against my leg, and moaned into his mouth with fervor. The friction was incredible, and we were still wearing pants.

No good.

As if he could read my mind, Edward started fiddling with the button on my pants, but in his drunken state, he had issues with it. I found myself chuckling, and he looked up at me with a blazing look in his eye. I reached between us and helped him with my pants, and I was all too eager to help him out with his.

We were shirtless and pantless, and making out heavily on the couch. His hands dug into my hips, and both of us were moaning like we were the most content men in the world, and the most turned on, too. I knew I at least qualified for the title.

I wrenched my mouth to his neck, nipping and laving my tongue against the skin there. He writhed beneath me, and through the thin material of our underwear, I could feel his full arousal against mine.

More, please, more…

**EPOV**

I couldn't get enough, and I couldn't stop. I don't know what had gotten into me, but I was out of control, but Jasper didn't seem to want me to stop, either, so I just went with it.

And started tugging on his boxers.

"Please, Edward," he moaned. "I want to feel all of you. I need to…" His southern accent was apparently even thicker when he was aroused, and that aroused _me _to the point of pain. He was so perfect. His body was hard, yet soft under my hands. I ran my hands over his hard muscle, and groaned with pleasure. I loved how his hips were so narrow under my hands, how his hair felt through my fingers, how his hard cock ground against my own.

"God, Jasper, I need you, too," I whimpered. I finally grasped him through his underwear, and he let out the single most sexy sound I've ever heard in my life. My mouth salivated, wanting to feel him there, and with a sudden feat of strength, I flipped him over onto his back. The movement made my head spin, but I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. I moved down his face to his jaw, and then down his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses as I went. He whimpered and squirmed beneath me, rubbing his thigh against my cock. I wondered what would happen if I played with his nipples, so I did, and he groaned my name.

I bit down around one before moving down further. I looked up at Jasper as I reached his belly button, both of us knowing exactly what would happen if I kept going. He nodded lazily, eyes half lidded and dark with arousal. I just wanted to… devour him. So that's what I did.

Slowly, I grabbed the waistband of his underwear, and tugged southwards. I could see his cock straining to be freed, and when I had finally pulled the fabric far enough down, his cock bobbed in the air between us, huge and hard and oozing with precum, all for me. I licked my lips greedily as I thought of how it could be, and then he raised up his hips to help the boxers fall to the ground as I pulled.

"Oh God," he moaned as I started stroking him gently, the way I'd always imagined. "Please, harder, more."

So I gave him more. I slipped the tip of his cock into my mouth, and sucked… hard. I was rewarded with "Jesusholyfuckingshityes!" and I hummed with pleasure of the knowledge that I made him feel good. His hands found themselves wound in my hair, tugging more roughly than I would have normally liked, but with him, I liked it a lot. In fact, it spurred me on, especially when he started thrusting his hips up to meet me, essentially fucking my face. I'd never given anyone head before, but I felt like I was doing a good job when Jasper started muttering incoherently, his body moving faster and faster under me.

I took as much of him in as possible, gagging a bit before relaxing and letting him fill my mouth completely. I gripped his hips hard and lightly used my teeth. He gasped and grabbed my hair hard. I moaned around his cock, and that apparently set him off. With a moan of my name, Jasper came into my mouth, hard, and I did my best to swallow it all up. God, he tasted fantastic. I wanted to drink him down every single day.

Maybe he'd let me…

"Your turn," he said, when I finally released his cock, unwillingly, I might add. My heart throbbed in my throat as he pushed me back on the couch so that he was hovering over me again. He kissed me deeply, and I thought I might explode just from the sheer idea that he could taste himself on my tongue. This time I was the one to tug on his hair, and he seemed to like it just as much as I had. He too kissed down my body, leaving trails of fire everywhere his lips touched, and when he reached the band of my underwear, I raised my hips to help him quickly remove the offending article.

When his mouth closed around me, my eyes rolled up into the back of my head, and the most ungodly moan escaped my lips. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck," was the only word I could muster. He was a god. His tongue swirled around the tip of my cock, and while one hand held the base of my cock and twisted lightly, the other reached down to cup my sack, rolling my balls in his hand gently. Oh God. It had never been like this for me before, never. Not even the fantasies I'd had about him had felt this good.

I leaned back and just felt the way he sucked me, fighting with myself to hold off, to enjoy this for just a bit longer. Because I was seconds away from cumming. I had been ever since he pushed me against the wall and kissed me. It was almost painful. Not almost. It _was _painful. But Jasper made it feel oh so good. He knew exactly where to lick, where to suck, where to even nibble to heighten each sensation.

I felt my body tense up, and knew I couldn't hold off much longer. "Jasper, I need to… I'm going to…"

"Let go," he moaned, and then sucked down hard on the head as his hands twisted around the base of my cock in opposite directions.

It was too much to bear. A few more moments of pure sexual insanity, and then I let go, as Jasper had bidden. I filled up his mouth with my cum, eyes rolling back into my head as he swallowed around my cock several times. "Shit," I moaned. My hands flew up to my eyes to rub them, completely unsure at this moment if it was a dream or not.

But then Jasper was kissing me, and I could taste myself in his mouth, and our two flavors mixed together, and we kissed until I was half-hard again, and fuck, I never wanted to stop.

These kisses were more gentle, the urgency of our previous kisses gone. But there was passion, oh God, so much passion. I'd never be satiated.

He pulled back, and our foreheads rested against each other. Our hands continued to caress, to wander and explore each other as we stared into each other's eyes. My fingertips traced his lips and I knew then I'd love him forever.

I touched my lips to his throat, and he moaned my name, and I could never leave this couch again, and I'd be content. He snuggled into me, and we closed our eyes.

**BPOV**

Emmett's mouth was so eager against mine, and I rewarded his eagerness with my tongue. Our kiss deepened infinitely, and my arms wrapped around his neck tightly, not wanting to let him go. He felt so right in my arms, and he tasted divine. I moaned as he sucked gently on my tongue, and moved onto my tiptoes so our bodies could be more flush against each other.

I was drowning in him, and it was the best thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life.

So I was angry when he pulled back, placing several chaste kisses on my lips before releasing me.

"Wha-"

"Bella, we need to stop," Emmett said, though he sounded as regretful as I felt. His lips were swollen and I wanted to whimper with need for them to be back on me again.

I reached for him, but he backed up. "Emmett-"

He interrupted again. "This isn't right."

A punch of pain went through me at his rejection. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and he reacted quickly, stepping back to me and gathering me in his arms again. A part of me felt whole again… but not all. Because he still apparently didn't want me.

"I just meant… you're upset. You just saw… and I don't want to take advantage of that."

I thought about that for a minute. He probably thought I was drunk and crazy angry. And yeah, I was a little bit of the latter, but I had barely had anything to drink tonight, so it wasn't any kind of buzz making me act this way. It was what I wanted.

"You're not taking advantage of me," I said softly, playing with the hair at the back of his neck. He shivered involuntarily. "I want you, Emmett."

"God, I want you, too," he moaned, and that was the first time I noticed just how much he wanted me. I could feel it against my stomach. "But I just think that you've had a shock and whether or not you know it now, it's something that has affected you. And I just need to make sure I'm not the ass that makes you do something you'll regret later. I don't want you to regret me." He looked so young and vulnerable as he admitted this, and I realized in that moment that he really must have feelings for me if he didn't want to be a regret. _He _was the one stopping me, making sure I didn't do something dumb. Because whether I liked it or not, I was still technically with Edward… and even though he was cheating on me somewhere with Jasper… I still couldn't be that girl.

"Damn it, you're right," I moaned.

"It sucks being the good guy," he groaned, and I had to smile.

"Thank you for taking care of me," I said, tracing his lips with my finger. "Thank you for not taking advantage of me when you so easily could."

"Once again," he sighed. "It sucks being the good guy."

I kissed the side of his neck and let him release me. "Can I sleep here tonight still?"

"Of course," he said with a smile. "I was going to let you whether you threw yourself at me or not." He kept his voice light, but I could hear the underlying strain, and I felt it, too. Despite his infallible logic, I still wanted to kiss him, feel him underneath me, let him love me. I still ached for him.

I swallowed hard, and I heard him gulp, too. We were staring at each other in the still-dark apartment, and I felt the energy crackle between us. It had been strong before, but now that I knew how his hands felt as he held me tight, and how dominant his kiss was, it was pure torture to not touch him. I looked away, but I still felt his eyes on me, and I knew I was blushing hard.

"I'll take the couch," he finally said.

"Oh, no, I can't kick you out of your bed."

"No, that's fine, the sofa's really soft, it's not big deal," he said. "And besides, if we share a bed… there's no way…" He gave me a sheepish grin, and my heart leapt a little when I thought about what he meant. Finally, he convinced me that he would be fine on the couch, and he handed me ginormous sweats to change into. I smiled at him gratefully before climbing into bed.

I snuggled into the pillows, savoring the scent. It was all Emmett; I was surrounded by him. Needless to say, it made the need for him that much more acute.

I drifted off to sleep with fantasies of Emmett's mouth.

It wasn't until I started to dream that I remembered exactly why I was in this bed. I screamed.

**EmPOV**

It was impossible to sleep, knowing Bella was in my bed. I knew that it would smell like her in the morning, and I wasn't sure how I'd handle that. I'd have to wash all of my linens just to stop the torture.

Her mouth… It had been too much to handle, the onslaught of emotions, of need, of want, of desire for her. Her lips were so sweet, her tongue tasted way too good. How I found the strength to stop I have no idea. My body was screaming at me to drag her to bed and make love to her over and over again. And she probably would have let me. But goddamn it, it couldn't be like that. I didn't want to give her pity sex, or sympathy sex, or whatever. I wanted it to be when it was just right between us, not when she finds out her boyfriend is gay. Not when she had a boyfriend, period.

Damn me for being a good guy. I hated that.

She talked a lot in her sleep. Not that I was listening or anything… she was just that loud. It pleased me to hear my name escape her lips more than a few times. I wanted to smile with pride. But then her dream took a turn for the worse, and she started screaming. I could hear her rustling around in the sheets, and not in a good way, so I had no choice but to go in and try to help her.

"Bella?" I asked into the dark. I could just barely make out her form on the bed. Even in sleep, she was in distress. She kept mumbling Edward and Jasper's names over and over, bursts of sobs coming out almost like a keening, machine gun sound. "Bella, please, wake up!"

I shook her shoulder softly at first, and then more and more firmly when it became apparent she wasn't going to wake up without more stimuli.

"Bella, please, wake up," I said. "You're dreaming."

"Mmpf, wha?" she asked sleepily, her eyes fluttering open. From the light streaming in from the hallway, I could see that she was crying, eyes rimmed with red. "Emmett?"

"I'm here, honey," I said, rubbing soothing circles into her shoulder. "I'm here."

"Oh God," she moaned into her pillow. "It was real."

I shifted uncomfortably. I was unsure of what to say. I mean, I couldn't deny what we'd both so clearly seen. On the other hand, I didn't want to just say, "Yeah, you're right, that was a bitch of a surprise, huh?"

"Can you stay with me?" she asked in a tiny, insecure voice. She looked so small and sad in my bed, hair mussed up from her dreams, and face streaked with tears. "I mean… I won't try to…"

I had to smile at that. "Yeah, God forbid," I teased. "Yes, I'll stay."

"Thank you," she smiled, though it was a sad smile, and reached out for me. I laid on the bed and held my arms open for her. She snuggled into my chest, and I swear to God, I was happier in that moment I'd ever been in my entire life, even in these horrible circumstances. She made me whole.

We were silent for awhile, and I stared up at the ceiling, willing my body not to react in any inappropriate way, as it was sure to if she kept rubbing up against me the way that she was.

"I was such an idiot," she said, her voice muffled into my shoulder. "I can't believe I didn't see the signs. I mean… I saw them… I just didn't connect them together. I should have known."

I didn't want to point out the fact that she was right, she should have known. But I also knew that sometimes when you're so close to the action, you miss the big picture. You can't see what's so plain in front of your face like outsiders can.

"There really wasn't any way you could have known," I said instead.

"I can't believe… all these years… he was… bi? Gay? And he never told me."

"Maybe he didn't want to admit it, even to himself," I guessed.

She shifted in my arms, her entire body now flush against my side. She was radiating heat, and I was busy trying to control my head, my heart… and my dick. _Now is not the time, idiot, _I told myself. _Definitely not now…_

"Maybe," she said, her voice sounding disconnected from her body. "I just never thought…"

I stroked her hair. I wanted to tell her that Edward was the biggest fool in the world for letting her find out this way… for leading her on for so many years without a hint… for cheating on her in plain sight… but none of that would help. Nothing I could say would make her feel better. So I just held her until her breathing evened out and a quiet, adorable little snore escaped.

I burrowed my face in her hair, and breathed in her scent. Even if this was the only night I'd sleep in her arms, I'd remember each and every thing.

Sleep found me when I was busy trying to think about how this could all be fixed, if at all.

**A/N II: Let me know what you think!!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: OK, so, I have a lot of things to say. To all those who wanted Jasper and Edward to have sex: Think about it. They were drunk, and it was Edward's first time with a man. Do you really think they were going to "go all the way"? No, I didn't think so. **

**To all of those who wanted Emmett and Bella to have sex: They weren't drunk. She was upset. He was doing the right thing. **

**To all those who think Emmett's being _too _nice: You know what, I don't want my Emmett to be an asshole in this story. There _are _nice, respectful men in this world... Even if he wants to fuck her brains out, and she his, they still have respect and love for each other that goes beyond that. I'm not trying to make Jasper and Edward the bad guys and Emmett and Bella the good ones. They all have different ways of approaching what they really want and need, and what is right and wrong. **

**This story is based off of a real story of a real person. Yes, I've enhanced it for story telling purposes, but for the most part, it's a story about a man who is afraid of what he wants, and what happens when he finally gets it. It's not an easy road, and we all have strange ways of dealing with the circumstances with our lives. I'm not trying to be cookie cutter, and I'm not playing with you guys just to get reviews.**

**Thanks so much for everyone's support of this story. I hope you'll bear with me and keep following this crazy, twisted story.**

**Thanks as always to EmmaleeWrites05 for reading this before I posted. This isn't beta-ed, so again, you can blame me if I spelled something wrong.**

**As always, you can follow me on Twitter! Links on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Only the shit that's about to hit the fan belongs to me.**

**BPOV**

The next morning, I extracted myself from Emmett's arms. In the light of day, reality splashed in front of my eyes too brightly, and as much as I wanted to stay and lay entwined in Emmett's grasp, I couldn't do it. The pain and ache of yesterday hit me full force, and I needed to get away before I totally lost it.

The bathroom was my sanctuary. I sat down on the lip of the bathtub, and stared at the austere space. It was white and clean, which surprised me, since his bedroom had been the epitome of messy bachelor pad.

I stared at the faucet. It was dripping slowly, and I focused on it, mesmerized. As it dripped into the sink with a steady plinking sound, I felt my eyes begin to drip with its own condensation. I felt my body start to fold in on itself, and I cried silently, my hand covering my mouth to keep Emmett from hearing. Sobs wracked my body, and the betrayal I felt whipped through me.

Why me? Why him? When there? Why then? Why _him?_

Why hadn't I seen this coming? I felt like a prize fool for not seeing it. I was supposed to have been closer to him than anyone else in the world. So why didn't it feel that way anymore? Because it had all been a lie, every single moment of it. Every kiss, every smile, every bit of laughter, every time we made love… It was all a lie.

I heard a soft knock on the door. "Bella?" Emmett asked, voice husky with sleep. Even in my wrecked state, my heart gave a hard thump for him. "Are you OK?"

"No," I groaned, my voice thick with tears.

He tried the doorknob, only to find it locked. "Can I come in?" His voice sounded pained.

"I'm a mess," I admitted, and a quick glance in the mirror confirmed it. I looked like the living dead, huge circles under my eyes, bloodshot eyeballs, and gaunt and pale with tracks of tears running down my cheeks.

"I don't care, Bella," he said. "Do you really think I care about that? I care about _you_. Please, I want to be there for you."

He sounded so heartbreakingly sincere, I had to let him. Besides, my legs were numb from sitting on the edge of the tub for so long, and I needed a stretch. My body screamed in protest. Apparently I'd been sitting there crying for a lot longer than I'd realized.

I twisted the lock, and pulled the door open slowly.

**EmPOV**

My heart broke as she opened the door. Worse than last night, she looked like a ghost, or maybe a vampire with dark eyes. Her eyes were bloodshot and full of tears, and little sobs escaped her lips every few seconds. She was hyperventilating.

"Bella," I said softly, and she silently moved into my arms. It was the first time that I held her where I didn't feel an immediate tug of desire. I felt nothing but the urge to comfort her.

"God, Emmett, it's so bad," she moaned. "I just feel like such a moron."

"You're not, my love, you're not," I soothed, stroking her hair gently. "They were drunk and chose a bad time to give in. That's all." I regretted the last two words the second I said them.

She shuddered in my arms. "It's not 'that's all', Emmett," she said, her tone suddenly snide. She pulled back to look up at me. Her expression was haunted. "He's lied to me… about everything. I thought I knew him. I thought… for awhile… that he was The One. He was everything… So I can't dismiss…"

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't mean to make light of this."

She shrugged indifferently. "It doesn't matter." Her voice was hollow now, her face closed off and void of emotion. Even her eyes looked dead. "I should probably go."

Shit. I had made it worse. Shit, shit, shit.

"Bella-"

"Please, not now Emmett," she said. "I… I need to go. It's too much."

My heart sunk as she moved away from me completely and grabbed her clothes from the foot of the bed. Damn me anyway!

"Thank you for letting me stay overnight," she said, all business-like as she emerged moments later from the bathroom dressed in her clothes from last night. "I appreciate it."

"Are you gonna be OK?" I asked. "You don't have to go." I felt slightly desperate to keep her here. To make the light go back into her eyes… anything.

"I'll be fine," she said in a clipped tone. "Don't worry about me."

But that was all I could do: worry. She was everything to me, and the last thing I wanted to see was her sadness. I would do anything to make that smile come back, anything to hold her in my arms again. I tried one last time. "Please, Bella…"

She shook her head sadly and walked to the door. "It's not you," she said as she stepped out on the stoop. "I just can't handle this right now. I'm so sorry."

I wanted to tell her that I would be with her any way I could, even as a friend. That I could somehow help her through this. But the words choked up in my throat, and nothing came out. Damn it. When had I become such a coward? When did I lose the balls to tell a woman how I felt? This had never happened before. I hated myself for it.

She was halfway down the sidewalk when I snapped out of it. "Let me give you a ride," I called. "At least let me-"

"No," she said. "I need time to think." I noticed she carried her heels in one hand. Her pose was defeated, her hair mussed and her clothes rumpled. It was the walk of shame, only worse. "Emmett, please," she said as I started to protest. "You're too good."

No, I wasn't. A good guy wouldn't want her the way I wanted her. A good guy wouldn't have fallen in love with his coworker's girlfriend. A good guy wouldn't let her walk away from me like I was now. I didn't even qualify for a bad boy, because I couldn't muster up the courage to do anything about it. I was an idiot.

I hadn't even offered her breakfast.

**EPOV**

I was holding someone, but it wasn't the curvy form I was so used to waking next to. A soft snore emanated from my right shoulder, close to my ear, and the sound was deeper than I was used to. I was on something soft, but it was too narrow to roll over on. Not that I could roll over, because the mysterious snorer was heavy on top of me.

What the hell?

I cracked an eye open, and regretted it. The sun pierced through my skull, the beginnings of a killer hangover. Where in the hell am I?

I rolled my head to see an oak desk. And my heart stopped. That was Jasper's desk. That was the picture of he and Rosalie. And I was on his couch in his office. And that hard thing I felt pressed up against my thigh was…

"Ohhhh, God," Jasper moaned. "My head…"

I froze. Holy shit. It wasn't a dream. It had really happened. Jasper and I… those things we did… the way it felt… it was all real.

Jasper's face hovered over me, and though he looked slightly worse for the wear thanks to his hangover, he was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. I reached up to brush his cheek with my fingertips.

"Good morning," he said softly. "How are you?"

It was then that I realized we were both naked… and our morning wood was brushing together. Fuck, it felt amazing.

"I'm… pretty good," I breathed as he shifted his hips against me. "Considering the fact that my head feels like it's being split open with an ax."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I understand that one." He kissed my throat, and my pulse exploded in my veins. I lifted a shaky hand to his hair, and combed my fingers through his honey locks. This felt so right. The way I should wake up every morning for the rest of my life.

Except for my headache and the fact that my ass was stuck to the leather couch, everything was perfect.

I reached up to kiss him, and he returned it eagerly. He still tasted like whiskey, dark and dangerous and delicious. I moaned his name into my mouth, and he ground against me.

"Edward, I need to tell you something," Jasper started.

"What?" My heart thudded in anticipation, good or bad, I wasn't sure.

"I-"

The fax machine buzzed on his desk, interrupting our bubble. Though it was a Sunday, Jasper was a busy guy, and I knew that he often worked weekends to get things done. It was probably something for the case that a partner had sent. In any case, it served to break the moment between us, and I realized with a start just exactly was going on here.

And reality hit me so hard I felt like I was reeling. Holy fucking shit. What have I done?!

**JPOV**

Edward's expression changed so quickly it was almost comical. Except I knew why, and it wasn't funny at all. Suddenly I hated myself.

I had made Edward cheat. I had become that guy I swore I'd never be. I liked Bella. I really did. She was a sweet girl, and she didn't deserve what she had just gotten.

I hate whiskey.

He muttered something to himself, and moved to push me off. Though I understood why, it still stung.

In the morning light, his body was like a perfect Grecian statue. It sounds like a bunch of shit, but really. The man was perfect in each and every way. Flawless, you might say. My heart gave a hard thump, for even in his state of panic and self-loathing, he was aroused. And I wanted so badly to have him. He ran his hands through his hair, making it look even more like sex hair, and started gathering up articles of clothing that had been strewn about the room. One had managed to flip on top of my certificates and academic honors that were framed on the wall. He pulled it down and nearly managed to take the frame down with it; he fumbled with it a bit, and I just watched wide eyed and conflicted.

"I shouldn't have- Bella- oh my God- and then…" he muttered to himself. The word he kept coming back to was "Bella," and my heart broke to hear it. Was he still in love with her? Had I misread the signals he was sending me? Did he still want to be with her? Had I just made the worst mistake of my life?

I couldn't tell how he was feeling; I prided myself on being able to read people. That's how I won so many cases. I usually had an unerring way of knowing the honestly or lack thereof of my clients, witnesses, and even the jury. But Edward… I had no clue.

I couldn't have imagined the passion of last night. I was hungover now, and it was hard to even speak let alone think, but I knew I wasn't so creative as to imagine the amount of sincerity and desperation there had been last night. What happened… that was chemical. Karmic. Natural.

Instead of getting dressed, Edward just stood there, clothes in hand, looking distressed. I could see in his eyes the conflict he was going through. Honestly, it made me feel just a little bit better. So he wasn't kissing me senseless or throwing me back down on the couch or letting me love him the way I wanted to. He wasn't leaving, either. He hadn't gotten dressed.

"What are you thinking?" I asked quietly. "Please, Edward. I have to know."

He turned his green eyes to me, and the look was utter heartbreak.

"I don't know," he said softly. "I didn't… last night… it wasn't my imagination, was it? Not a dream?"

"Not a dream," I confirmed.

He gave a brief nod and then sat down next to me again, still naked. Just the fact that he wasn't running out of here immediately made my body sing with hope.

"What do I tell Bella?" he asked. "She doesn't know… she doesn't realize that I'm-"

"Gay?" I finished. It was too much to hope that he would have ended the sentence with "in love with you."

"Yeah," he said. "And this will kill her."

I nodded solemnly. "But you have to tell her."

"I know. I've been trying to, but so many things got in the way." He looked distressed.

I put an arm around him, and felt awkward at how friendly it felt. I didn't want to be his friend. "It will just be worse if you don't tell her now," I said. "I know how you feel."

He looked at me, surprised. "Really?"

"Yes," I said. "In Texas, when I was a teenager. I had a girlfriend. Maria. She was so sweet, except when we were in bed." I felt myself flush slightly at the memory. "And she had no idea that I preferred gentlemen to ladies." That was always how I'd described it to my friends back home, the ones close enough to me to know who I really am.

He nodded. "How did that go?"

"She threw a potted plant at my head and told me to go to Hell."

"Ah." He stared at his hands. "Bella will hate me."

"She might," I said truthfully. "But that's a risk you have to take."

"Is it?" He looked at me with pleading eyes, as if to ask me if his leap would be justified. If I would be there for him on the other side.

"Yes," I said softly, and leaned forward to brush a chaste kiss on his lips. He returned it for a moment, and then pulled back again.

"I think I need to go," he said. "I have to talk to her. Right now, there's no one in this world I hate more than myself. I'm going to hurt her, and it's something I swore I'd never do."

"She's not a child," I reminded him gently. "She deserves to know it all."

He nodded, and was quiet for a moment. "How did you know?"

I felt a small smirk stretch across my lips. "The way you looked at me."

**BPOV**

I regretted not accepting Emmett's ride. As it turns out, we only lived several streets down from one another, but barefoot and emotionally exhausted isn't exactly prime conditions for taking a stroll at seven in the morning. I cut my foot on a particularly sharp rock and bled down the street for almost ten minutes before I fished my keys out of my purse on the top step of our apartment.

I hadn't cried since the bathroom, but as soon as I stepped into the house that was ours, a place we shared together, I burst into tears. Everything held a memory, everything was cursed with his touch. And I felt like I couldn't be here anymore. Seven seconds in, and I was prepared to turn and run for good.

A framed picture of us at Disneyland smiled up at me. I tore it off the wall and threw it back. The rest of the pictures suffered the same fate, one after the other. The glass shattered on the floor, into the air, and barely missed my eye. Bad plan. Didn't think that one all the way through. But at least I wasn't looking at his smiling face anymore.

Motherfucker. Or maybe _Father_fucker would be more appropriate.

I smirked at my own dark humor. It was sick.

I looked down and saw that my arms were cut along with my foot. I gingerly stepped around the shards of glass and walked into the bathroom. I stared myself in the mirror, seeing just how pathetic I really looked. But I couldn't help but feel this way. I was broken and confused, and my expression reflected it well.

Everything was so apparent now. But damn it, I just hadn't seen it. And it was searing, the truth. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

Yes, I had feelings for Emmett. No, they're weren't brand new. Yes, I wanted him in my life and in my bed. But hell if that didn't make Edward's truth that much more painful. It made me feel more confused.

I cleaned up the blood and put ointment on the cuts. I felt stupid. People would think I tried to hurt myself. Nothing could be further from the truth, and bleeding didn't feel cleansing like everyone says it is. It made me feel worse. Less complete. More and more of me was lost.

Emmett made me whole. But right now, that couldn't be an option.

I heard Edward's key in the lock, and I froze. This was it.

Now we had to face our demons. The masks were coming off.

**A/N II: Please let me know what you think (good or bad)!!! (But not TOO bad... I don't think I could handle that.)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Damn, you guys!!! Sometimes I wonder why some of you keep reading. But if you like it, let me know, because I'm starting to get frustrated and uninspired. **

**Disclaimer: The plot is based off of a friend's life. But the characters are based off of SM's imagination. That is all.**

**EPOV**

Bella stood in the living room, frozen like the proverbial deer in the headlights. She had tiny red cuts all over her arms, and they looked fresh. I pulled oxygen into my lungs sharply.

"What happened?" I asked, and as I stepped into the foyer, I heard a crunching sound beneath my feet. Thousands of tiny glass shards glittered across the floor, frames broken in half and pictures shredded beneath the glass. "Bella, what happened here?"

She didn't say anything, but I could see that her throat was working to swallow back tears.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, gently this time. It scared me that she was behaving this way.

"You really want to ask me that?" she said, and her voice was cold and even. "You really have to wonder what could possibly be _wrong _with me?"

I felt my brow furrow in confusion. "Did Emmett hurt you?"

"Emmett _helped _me," she said, venomous. "While you were helping yourself to _Jasper_."

My heart stopped. She had seen us. That was the only explanation, the only way she could have known.

"Oh my God," I breathed. "You saw-"

"Yes, I saw!" she exclaimed. "You weren't exactly hidden away, Edward! The corner of your office party, in plain view? Really?!"

I winced. She was right, of course. "Oh God," I said softly, hanging my head. I was the world's biggest idiot. At the first chance, I let my emotions and hormones get the best of me, and in the process, I'd done the one thing I'd sworn I'd never do: hurt Bella.

"How could you do this to me? Why did you lie to me?" she asked. Her voice was softer now. Pained. I looked up to see her eyes welling up with tears, and I couldn't brush them aside for her; she looked like she'd kill me if I even tried.

"I didn't mean to," I said lamely. "I tried so hard to make it go away."

"Make what go away?" she asked quietly, looking briefly puzzled.

"The feelings that I had! I knew they were wrong… You know Carlisle and Esme, they think gays are the scum of the earth! Worse than pedophiles. They'd never understand… and I tried to be the best that I could for you… because I do love you," I tried to explain. "I really do. Just not in the way that you want me to."

A sob escaped her throat then. "Oh God, Edward," she cried. "It's all my fault."

Wait, what?

"I held you back! Everyone kept telling me that you were no good for me, but I kept you around, even after I didn't have true feelings for you anymore… and it's all my fault! I should have listened. I should have let you go, be yourself. I should have-"

She looked around the room desperately, as if seeing it for the first time. As if she was realizing how we'd both been lying to each other for the last near decade, or at least the last few months, and seeing how everything we'd built together was based on lies and half-truths.

"No, I'm the one that should have said something," I said, hoping to soothe her fears. "And you shouldn't have found out that way."

"No. I shouldn't have," she said curtly, sympathy gone again from her voice again. "It's one thing for you to have lied to me about who you really are, Edward. I don't care about that! I really don't! If you're gay, then you're gay, and I'll love you no matter what! But it's another to let me know via cheating in the middle of a work party."

Though it had led to the best night of my life, I still felt incredibly guilty about that part. Especially now. Especially when I could see the hurt in Bella's eyes that she so clearly felt.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking her straight in the eye so she knew that I meant it. Because with every cell in my body, I was sorry for it. Jasper was well worth taking a risk for, but not if it was the cause of this. I felt so incredibly conflicted, and yet relieved that this was all coming out in the open. Finally.

I sat on the couch, and gestured for her to join me. Her face was streaked with tears as she reluctantly took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, looking straight out at the windows instead of at me. And I began to talk.

Hours and hours of talking. Of telling her how I'd figured out I was actually gay, at which she snorted with laughter, probably because it had something to do with Emmett. Letting her know about the pressing guilt and heartache I'd felt when I met Jasper. The constant need and ache I felt for him, and the crushing hatred I felt for myself for letting myself even get that far. The weeks and weeks of self-loathing and one brief moment when I'd considered just leaping off a cliff and ending it, because I knew nothing was right in my life. She turned to me when I finally divulged that last piece of information, and scooted closer to me on the couch. It had been a fleeting thought, but one I had entertained for two seconds too long, and I was ashamed of it. I told her everything, every tiny detail.

And when I was done, she wept. And I cried right along with her. There was nothing left to do for us but to cry it out. I don't know how long we sat there, both of us hugging our pillows, and then each other, tears and snot and all of our unspoken truths flowing out of us. When we were finally done, she sat back and told me about how she had met Emmett randomly, how he'd come up to her in the club before realizing who she was, and how she'd felt burning lust for him at the first moment. Of how Alice had suspected my sexuality, but how she hadn't listened because she thought she had known me better than that. Of all the times she'd seen Emmett and wanted him so badly, but knew she couldn't do anything because of me. Of how last night they'd seen Jasper and me kissing passionately, and Emmett had taken her home, and of their kiss.

When she told me the last part, she didn't seem guilty, and I wasn't angry.

"So you really love Jasper?" she asked me quietly, looking down at her hands.

I lifted her chin up so I could look into her eyes and said, "Yes."

She nodded once. "I love Emmett."

That should have been it, cut and dry. And in a way, it was. We both knew this was the end of our relationship, that it had died long ago and wouldn't be coming back. That I was gay, and she was also otherwise in love.

But we'd loved each other so long, it felt like we couldn't let go, either. I had to have her in my life, and somehow, I knew she felt the same way.

"This is going to be really corny," I said, my voice still husky with tears. "But can we be friends again?"

"Maybe someday," she said. "I don't know if I'm ready… if I can just slip into that role right away."

"I understand," I said, and I really did. We both needed space to figure out who we were and what and who we wanted. The who part was solved, but did we really know what we were going to pursue. Could we really just slip into new, serious relationships after shattering this one so completely? It was a deep consideration for me at least, especially given the fact that mine wouldn't be so easy to do. There were going to have to be a lot of conversations for that one to work itself out.

"I'm going to move out," she said. "I think I can stay with Alice for awhile. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"I'm going to move, too," I said, surprised she also wanted to leave. She'd been the one to pick out this place. I knew she loved how it was surrounded by trees, even though we were in the city. She always said the forest made her feel protected somehow. "I don't know where I'll go, but I think we both need a fresh start."

She nodded once again, and then rose up from the couch, stretching her stiff muscles. I realized that we'd been sitting here for the better part of six hours, and that it was late afternoon, the western sun beating through the white curtains. "I'm so tired," she said, and the stress was clear in her voice. "I need a nap," and it was then that I realized we were both in the same clothes we'd left in almost twenty-four hours ago.

"Yeah… shower…" I said. I wondered briefly how that was going to work out. We only had one bed, and one bathroom, and they were in the same room. I wasn't sure of our boundaries anymore, but as Bella stripped out of her dress and into her PJs without a second thought, I decided not to get all crazy and over-analytical. I took my shower, and slipped out of the room quietly in my own PJs when I saw that she was already sound asleep stretched across what used to be our bed.

I laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling like I had done so many times over the last few months. Only this time I didn't feel so tortured. Sure, there were still a lot of unanswered questions and concerns floating around my head that I would be crazy to ignore. But for the first time in a long time, I felt cleansed. Bella knew the truth. And she hadn't stormed out on me. It seemed as if maybe I'd have at least one ally on my side after all of this was over and we became friends again… if that was even possible. I prayed it would be.

**BPOV**

I'm not going to lie, it hurt. My entire body felt like it had been smashed with a baseball bat, both literally and figuratively speaking. The wounds on my arms throbbed with the same ache that my heart echoed with now. I awoke to darkness, and the red numbers on the alarm clock next to the bed told me it was well past two in the morning.

I sat up, to see through an open doorway and Edward sleeping on the couch just beyond the threshold. He looked more at peace in his sleep now than he had in a long time, and even though I was still churning with upset emotions, it relieved me in a small way to see that somehow he wasn't suffering as much. The tension in his body ceased to exist.

I thought about his story, and felt like throwing up. Not because he was gay; that part surprisingly didn't bother me. It was who he was, and damn if I wouldn't love him now matter how he came. No, the reason I wanted to hurl the non-existent contents of my stomach (I hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day of the party) was because he was clearly in pain. Our relationship had caused him such grief, and he was hiding so much of himself for the sake of it. I hadn't read the signs and pressed him for more information. I had ignored each and every clue, each and every time where alarm bells should have been going off. Recently, it had been because of my overpowering attraction to Emmett, but that couldn't always be my excuse. It was years and years of evidence I'd ignored, to the detriment of us both. And he hadn't said a word, suffering in silence like he was so prone to do.

Damn it! I felt like I should feel like a woman scorned, or maybe even cuckolded in a bizarre definition of the word, but I didn't. I mean… I did… but I didn't. Fuck! None of this made any sense. I wanted to simultaneously strangle him and comb my fingers through his hair and tell him everything was OK.

I wanted desperately to talk to someone. Anyone. Well, actually, that wasn't true. There was just one person I wanted to talk to the most, but he was out of the question right now. He didn't need to deal with my emotional crap, and he certainly didn't need to listen to me babble on and on about Edward. I wondered if he had known. Emmett was a pretty observant guy, I'd noticed, and I think he knew more than he led on. I tried to decide if it hurt that he hadn't told me, but at this point, everything hurt, so I couldn't figure out if it was him or just everything else.

For the moment, I chose silence and curled up into my pillow to stare at the wall. It was bizarre. All just too fucking bizarre. I fell back asleep somehow, and luckily, I don't remember having any dreams.

When I awoke for real the next morning, I was starving. I hadn't eaten in well over twenty-four hours, getting closer to forty-eight, and no matter how much I didn't want to be around Edward right now, I couldn't ignore my stomach. After breakfast, I promised myself, I'd go for a drive.

As quietly possible, I raided the fridge. For right now, vanilla yogurt and a piece of plain wheat bread would have to do. I showered and dressed, and when I was done, Edward was still asleep on the couch. Damn. He must have been tired.

He stirred in his sleep, and muttered something. I cringed slightly when I heard Jasper's name escape his lips, but then I had to remind myself that I was OK with this, deep down, and that I probably sighed Emmett's name just as readily. _Get over it, Bella! _I told myself. _Buck up and move on! You knew this was going to be done long before you knew he was gay. If anything, this just makes it all easier, right?_

Why didn't I believe that?

I left Edward a note, so he wouldn't worry, and then I slipped out of the apartment to my car. I dialed Alice's number quickly and told her to meet me at the closest coffee shop.

* * *

Alice's jaw dropped as I finished telling her my sad little story. She held the coffee cup she'd just held up to her mouth in suspension, eyes wide with shock.

"I mean… I suspected that he was… and that Jasper was… but I had no idea. Oh, Bella! I just can't believe they'd do that to you, that's the worst thing I can imagine!"

"Well, I can tell you that it was one of the worst feelings ever, seeing them together and realizing the truth. I mean… Alice, he's been lying to me for so long. But at the same time… I can understand why he did, you know? It's so hard to be mad at him right now, even as I'm shocked and upset and devastated."

"Thank God you have Emmett, that's all I can say," Alice said, finally taking a long sip of her coffee.

I swallowed uncomfortably. "I'm not so sure-"

"But you love him, don't you?" Alice said with a confused look on her face. "So what else is there to be sure of?"

I hadn't told her that I was in love with Emmett, mainly out of guilt and embarrassment. She didn't know about the kiss, or sleeping in his arms all night, the feeling of contentment and longing I'd felt. She only knew of what she'd witnessed between us on the two nights we'd been out.

"How-?"

"Oh, Bella, you can't hide anything from me," Alice said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You didn't have to say a word. It's pretty damn clear how you two feel about each other. And I hope that you don't miss your chance with him just because of this. Yeah, you're hurt, getting out of a serious relationship- whether or not you're in love with Edward now, you can't deny that it was serious- but you can't let this ruin the chance you have to be with the true love of your life. Because Emmett is your One. I just know it."

"God, Alice, you're something else," I said with a laugh, the first one I'd allowed myself in several days. Her analysis was pretty much spot on, and I couldn't help but feel the truth and weight of her words.

She shrugged as she spread cream cheese on her bagel. "It's a gift."

**EPOV**

I slept fourteen hours. I hadn't thought that was physically possible, but somehow I'd needed my semi-coma. When I saw the empty bed, I'd panicked, thinking Bella had left in the night, so distraught about what had transpired that she'd bailed, but my entire body relaxed when I saw the note she'd left me. I couldn't blame her for needing someone to talk to. I knew I'd be needing some serious therapy when this was all said and done.

My phone had three missed calls and one text message, all from Jasper. I looked at the text first. _I miss you, and I hope that things are OK. Call me. _The voicemail were similar sentiments from him, though the last one sounded slightly desperate. I realized that if I were him, I'd be dying for information. I realized with a start that I'd never asked Jasper if he was seeing one, even casually. What if I had put another person in jeopardy of cheating and pain by being so senseless and not asking? But I shook away those thoughts. Jasper wasn't that kind of guy. True, we'd had an encounter while I was still in a relationship, but that just made me the questionable one.

That mistake would haunt me forever, even if it was the catalyst for change I'd been so desperate for.

I had to hear his voice, live and interacting with mine. I called him back, and he answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" His voice sounded breathy and eager, like he'd been sitting by the phone for hours, just waiting.

"Jasper," I said, and I could hear his exhale on the other end.

"Oh, Edward, I've been going crazy," he said, and that helped me feel better. "I just wanted to hear your voice. See how you are. See how things are…"

"Things are… over," I said slowly. Again, he sighed, and I could hear the relief in his voice.

"Was she really angry?"

"Well, yeah," I said. "But… it could have been worse." I would explain more in person.

It was almost as if I could hear him nodding on the other line. "I think that's the best you can hope for right now."

"Yeah."

"I want to see you again," he said. "I mean, besides work."

My heart skipped a beat despite myself. "Me, too."

"Good," he said, and I had to allow a tiny smile to stretch across my lips. "I can't wait."

Me either.

**A/N: I know some of you want to kill me now. And I expect wrath. Just please... don't make me regret writing this story. This plotline has been planned for a long time, and even if you think it's lame as hell... It's based off of real reactions and real people. Sometimes, people don't make logical sense. That's my two cents. Be kind.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: First off, want to apologize to you guys!!! I was in a super bad mood, and was feeling discouraged by some of the feedback I'd been getting recently, but I didn't mean to be so bitchy in my last A/N, so for that, I want to say a huge I'M SORRY!!!! You guys are awesome, and I'm so happy that you're still enjoying this story. I'm not going to stop, I'm way too invested in this story now. Thanks for all of your support. :-) Out of mutual agreement with EmmaleeWrites05, for personal reasons, I'm going to be beta-ing this story myself from now on, just as an FYI. So you can blame me if I spell something wrong or whatever!!! I love you hun!!! And I can't wait to work on CtR with your help!!! :-D **

**Follow me on Twitter and Blogspot!!! Links on my profile. I have way too much fun on there. ;-) **

**Disclaimer: You know what I'm going to say. So I'm not going to say a word. ;-)**

**JPOV**

The phone had been glued in my hand practically since Edward left my office. I kept willing the phone ring, to no avail. And it remained silent, at least from Edward. Several law partners called me over the course of the day, but I made it short. I knew that I had the case to work on, and that I was needed now more than ever, but I couldn't bring myself to care right now.

The only thing I could think about was Edward, and Bella, and what was going on right now.

I did feel guilty about what had happened. Or, at least, guilty about the timing. I was falling for Edward, but I was irresponsible, making him cheat on his girlfriend. I hated that I had made it happen, that I had lost my head enough to act irrationally. I never meant to do it that way. And whiskey was a flimsy excuse.

But God, I needed him. It hurt, how bad I wanted him.

I paced around my apartment, running my hand through my hair over and over. I'm sure I looked like a crazy person, but that's how I felt. It was tearing me up inside, not knowing what was going on with him, and unsure of when or if he'd call me back. It took all of my willpower not to call him every five minutes, but I managed to reign in that bit of madness and only call three times, and text once. I was very careful with the words I chose, as I was so apt to do lately. It seemed like being around Edward made me check myself, keep a cool exterior when really I was freaking out on the inside. Very un-Jasper-like. And I was trying hard to make sure I didn't cross any more lines than I already had. There were so many goddamn lines it was hard to know which ones went too far, and which ones were merely questionable, and which one were downright wrong.

I flipped on the TV to distract myself, but nothing worked. I couldn't focus on anything but the fucking phone in my hand, the thing that was my only tie to Edward.

And finally, _finally, _he called. I couldn't hide the relief in my voice as he caught me up on the situation with Bella, and we agreed that we wanted to see each other, outside of work. I did an elated, but silent, fist pump, and fought the urge to dance around the living room.

Edward was reluctant to meet up so soon, out of respect for Bella's feelings, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed even as I agreed. Next weekend, we would see each other, go out after work, maybe for a few drinks. God only knew what would happen after that, but I hoped and prayed that it would end up in my apartment.

I couldn't wait for a repeat of the office.

* * *

Johnny Cash crooned on my radio as I drove into downtown Seattle Monday morning. I had had a restless night, in and out of consciousness as one thing or another woke me up again and again. Every little sound had me springing up in bed, and why, I didn't know. And no matter how I positioned myself, it was never right for falling asleep.

At four am, I simply gave up and moved into the living room, flipping through infomercial after infomercial, finally landing on Nick at Nite and giving Steve Urkel a chance to take my mind off of Edward. But even _Family Matters _didn't help, and I watched the sun rise for the first time in years. It didn't move me the way it should have. Aren't sunrises supposed to be inspiring?

I was nervous. Plain and simple. First of all, I knew that Bella couldn't have been our only witness. It was a dark corner, and I had been wearing a mask at the time, but Edward hadn't been, if my hazy memory served me correctly, and so at the very least Edward would be subjected to some pretty harsh rumors. And if they recognized me…

It wasn't as if office relationships were banned .They were just… discouraged. Heavily discouraged. Edward could be facing a transfer, if not severe demotion in the company, if word got to the HR guys. It pained me to think that my actions could have set off something so terrible for the man I was falling in love with. These were the unintended consequences we'd have to live with.

And now everyone would know that I was gay, and that Edward was, too. Or at least, I think he's gay. Maybe bi? I'd have to ask him. I wasn't exactly clear on that point.

Traffic was a bitch as always, crawling as lane after lane of car had to merge and change lanes and avoid hitting each other and making the jam even worse, and by the time I got to the office, I was a half an hour late. Great. Make an idiot out of myself in front of everyone, and then be late the next day into work. Fantastic.

The office was quiet when I got in. Too quiet. It was high school all over again, when I kissed my first boy behind the shower walls off the locker room, and everyone on the track team found out and spread it around school. This was no different. It felt like every single eye was on me, watching me, anticipating my every move, looking at me critically. Edward was already at his desk, and I panicked. Do I say hello? Do I ignore him? Which will make this situation look even worse than it already does?

Edward had a strained look on his face, and he had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been getting enough sleep, either. I wished I could give him the coffee I'd just bought, but I knew that would look just as bad to everyone. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Nothing I could do would make this any better. No matter what I did, we were both screwed.

As I passed Edward's desk, I nodded to him. I would have smiled, or even winked, but I didn't want to seem flirtatious, nor did I want to ignore him. He returned the nod curtly, and it was like a silent agreement had been passed between us. We weren't going to say anything, do anything. We couldn't.

No matter how badly I wanted to ask him into the office so we could talk, that would be impossible now. We'd painted ourselves into an extremely tiny corner.

The second I stepped into the office, graphic flashbacks of two nights ago ripped through me. Visions of Edward's copper hair bobbing up and down on my cock, the sensation of his mouth against mine, waking up in his arms the next morning… The best orgasm of my entire life, the most important man in the world…

Fuck. I felt hard even as I slid into my chair, looking at all the files on my desk. It wasn't going to be easy holding back, ignoring these feelings and the monster in my pants. I wanted… needed… desired… him. Only him.

A rapid knock hammered on my door, and opened without my consent. Victoria's flame of red hair peeked into my office as I settled in. She was one of the partners at the firm, and one of my favorite coworkers. She was determined and tenacious, and not much fun to be around, but she didn't fuck around, and I liked that. "Heya, Jasper," she said informally, letting herself in without permission. "How's it going?"

"Uh… fine…" I said slowly. I was suspicious of her tone. Victoria was not a perky person, and she wasn't usually this… chirpy. I knew I was about to be on the receiving end of an interrogation. And she was good at it. I'd seen her in action in the court. Fuck.

"Well, that's just great. I'm having a great day, too. I mean, the weather is just fantastic today." It was raining. "Have fun at the party this weekend?"

Ahh, there it was. Didn't take her much time, no preamble. Straight for her target, just as always. In the courtrooms, they called her The Fox, mainly for her hair color, but also from her wily ways of getting information out of people. Trick you into giving away too much.

"It was alright, how was your evening?" I asked coolly, trying to keep the topic off of me at all costs. We both knew I was evading, but I wasn't a client on the witness stand. I was a master at this, too.

"It was alright," she said, flicking at imaginary lint on my shirt. "James and I had fun, but not nearly as much fun as some people, or so I hear."

For a brief moment, I panicked. Had she seen or heard more than just in that room? Was she in her own office with her husband, right next to mine, doing Lord knows what, and heard what had gone on with Edward? I must have let that fear flicker cross my face, because she broke out into a huge grin.

"I think it's great, Jasper," she said, her voice softer now. "Edward is a nice guy. Just… be careful. I don't know how many other people saw that little display, but I know I'm not the only one, and that shit has to stay under wraps. I've talked with Jenks, and I don't think there's any cause to make trouble with this. No one has to know… anymore than they already do, or guess, anyway. More discreet next time, OK?"

Why was she being nice? Victoria wasn't known for her generosity, nor her kindness. She must have caught on to this, too.

"I know what it's like, to be in love. James and I met the same way," she said, answering my unasked question. "It was in college, we worked at a different office, and we both got fired when we got caught making out in the supply closet; against policy." Her eyes were soft and sympathetic now. "I understand."

"Thanks," I said. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else."

"Of course not," she said, and gave me another smile before slipping out of my office.

I exhaled, my entire body relaxing in relief as what she told me sunk in. Though others had seen, there wouldn't be trouble if I could just keep it in my pants. At least around here… I knew there was no official policy against inter-office relationships, so long as they didn't present a conflict of interests, but I did know they were frowned upon when it was a case like Edward and I. Not because we were gay, but because I was essentially his superior.

I sighed, and tried to focus on the memo on my desk. It was all standard; it was odd. Besides the stares and my conversation with Victoria, everything felt the same. Though my life had had a monumental shift, not much else had changed in the world, and it felt strange.

I just hoped that Edward could make the shift with me.

**EmPOV**

Edward looked like shit. I'd never seen the guy paler, which was saying a lot, since it looked like he never really got a lot of sun exposure. His eyes were dark, and it almost looked like bruises under his eyes, like he hadn't slept properly in several days. Well, good. Neither had I.

Ever since Bella had left my house, I was going insane. I had screwed up so royally, I honestly didn't see how it could ever be better in any way. My whole world crashed when she left, and I had no idea when I'd ever see her again, if ever. The thought of never seeing her again was too horrifying to contemplate. I loved her. I needed her. I couldn't handle being apart from her.

I spent all of Sunday being drunk. It was good for about an hour, and then it was simply sickening. I hated myself. I blamed myself for letting her kiss me, for holding her as I slept, because this simply added to the torture I felt. I blamed Edward for being a douche and not letting her go when he realized he didn't love her anymore. I blamed him for getting to her first, though I knew that was irrational.

And I was angry at _them_. Still. I was a pretty understanding guy. You know, if they wanted each other, which had been obvious to me since pretty much day one, then that's fine. Just don't let Bella find out that way. There could have been no worse way for her to find out that Edward didn't prefer her gender.

But I tried not to think about Bella anymore after the first drunken hour. I was drunk and stupid, and almost called up Irena, just to make myself feel better, because I knew she would be ready and willing. Almost called her, but stopped myself mid-dial. Thank God. The self-hatred I would feel for myself then would be epic if I allowed myself to be with someone other than Bella right now. It wouldn't be fair to Irena. It would make me feel better in the long run, and I didn't want a meaningless fuck. I ordered porn instead, but that made me feel even worse than before, because the star of the show was this tiny brunette who looked a bit like Bella if I ignored the tattoos, the piercings, the fake tits, the hideous makeup and general falseness that surrounded her. Bella would never orgasm like that. Everything about that girl was genuine.

Fuck.

Monday, I showed up to work hungover and exhausted, and I welcomed the self-inflicted pain I'd created. I deserved the headache, the sensitivity to light, the stomachache, the fuzzy-feeling tongue. But mostly, I just wished that Edward was suffering just as much as I was. And Jasper, too.

So I was satisfied when I saw that Edward looked much worse for the wear than I did. Jasper did, too, but not as green as I wished he would look. Until he saw that everyone was staring at him, and he scurried into his office, though not before shooting a meaningful glance at Edward, who returned it just as coolly.

As if they were fooling anyone.

I'd already heard ten different rumors in the lunch room already. Bella and I were not the only ones to see their little show.

"I had no idea Edward was gay!" Eric Yorkie whispered behind his coffee mug. He sounded hopeful.

"Oh, I always had an idea that he was," Jessica Stanley said conspiratorially. "You could just tell, if you looked at the signs close enough. It was _pretty _obvious."

"And who would have guessed Jasper would be gay, too. He's so handsome," Lauren Mallory whined. She sounded unhappy with the gist of this conversation. She's probably had her designs on Jasper since he'd gotten here. She had a tendency to do that. She'd followed me around like a lost puppy when I first started here, until I had to very nicely tell her to fuck off. Not in those exact words, but she got the idea, thank God, and had left me alone since then, though I caught her openly eye-fucking me from time to time. The thought made me shudder.

"Yeah, well, I can't believe they did that in front of the other firms! All of the bosses were here that night. I wonder if they'll get fired," Angela Weber fretted. "I hope not. They're both hard workers… Office parties shouldn't serve alcohol, that's just asking for trouble." She really did have a heart of gold, at least in comparison to the other yahoos here.

"Well, I hope they do. I don't want to be working with a bunch of homos," Tyler Crowley said, and even though I was angry at the couple in question, I wanted to leap to their defense, or at the very least, punch Tyler in the face. Homophobia was not OK in my book. I had to bite my tongue. The last thing I needed to do today was get fired for attacking a coworker. Or maybe I should. I wasn't sure how I could work with Edward and Jasper on a daily basis and not get angry at them. Or not think of Bella. The pain that her name invoked in me was a lot sharper, and a lot more acute than any anger I'd ever feel for the men. I'd get over that in no time. Bella… there was no telling how long it would take.

Probably never.

Jasper stayed holed up in his office all day. I couldn't help but notice that Edward kept darting sidelong glances at the shut door. Plain worry and stress was stamped across his face, and I felt a tiny creep of sympathy for him, though it was fleeting.

The tension in the office was thick. Those who had seen the heated liplock were supplying the fuel to the fire, and those who hadn't seen were feeding off of the energy the witnesses supplied, all adding in their own interpretations and gossipy details.

"Did you notice, that night, that their masks matched? Maybe they had it planned all along… I think they've been lovers for a long time now, they finally just cracked. After all, haven't you noticed how they are together? I think I saw them holding hands in the elevator one time…"

It was all a bunch of shit, but they weren't wrong that this wasn't out of the blue. Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat, as if he could hear every single thought everyone was thinking. I thought he was going to explode or something, the way his face turned red, and I felt sorry for him once more.

The awkward day passed, and when it was time to leave, Edward shot out of there like he was on fire. I was slower getting ready, wanting to see how Jasper would be when he finally emerged from his cave. But he never did. The door remained closed.

My eyes shifted to Edward's desk. The photo of he and Bella was gone, and I had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, it relieved me. It meant that there had been a break there. That they had finally talked and gotten all their shit out into the open. On the other hand… I couldn't see her face. I craved her, needed to see her, even if it was a picture in a frame. But the way I had left things…

I didn't know if it was possible for her to forgive me. Or if I had forever blown it with the love of my life.

Fuck. My. Life.

**A/N II: Ahhh, so much angst!!! This chapter was really hard for me to get out. Leave me some love!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks so much to all of you beautiful readers and reviewers! I am currently having real writer's block with this story, but your reviews really do motivate me to keep going. I'm not throwing in the towel here, no worries! Thanks especially to larin20 who has been pimping me out on our new BFFF'ers site. :-D ALSO, this fic has been nominated for The Indie TwiFic Awards under the category of WIP Best Love Triangle. My HUGE thanks to whoever nominated me, and as cliche as it is, it's just an honor to be nominated. ;-) **

**Another note of business: Along with the lovely and gorgeous ladies, EmmaleeWrites05, my partner in smut-crime, and kimbercullen, we are hosting a contest! Introducing ****The Kinky Bitches Uniformed Hottie One Shot Challenge! .net/u/2233149/TheKinkyBitches Give it a looksee and please considering entering! It will be a lot of fun. :-D **

**Let's see... Just posted an entry for the P.I.C's Two's Company, Three's a Party Polyamorous Contest, entitled _Better than Fantasy. _Check it out!!! It's pretty hot stuff.**

**Will this A/N ever end?! After this disclaimer, sure, why not?! I'm sure I have more to say, but for now I shall just say that I don't own the characters, and blah blah blah.**

**BPOV**

_Emmett pulled me roughly against his broad chest, his mouth devouring mine as I quickly became helpless goo in his arms. He nipped at my lips as my hands threaded through his hair, our tongues meeting over and over again, tasting each other. It was too much; it wasn't enough. I had to have him… all of him. _

_"Please, Emmett…" I moaned. "Please, I just need…" _

_"I know, I need you, too," he said between ragged breaths. "Bella, you're so beautiful." He kissed me deeply then, his hand tracing down my back, cupping my ass as he took the breath out of me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring me flush against him. Nothing had felt more right, and I had wanted nothing more in my entire life than what I had right now._

_His arousal was trapped against my stomach, and I let out a low moan, knowing just exactly what I was doing to him, and knowing just how much he was affecting me. I bucked my hips up against him to let him know we were on the same wavelength, and he growled his approval as he picked me up and carried me to his bed._

_Hovering over me, he unbuttoned my shirt slowly, taking his time to lay open mouthed kisses on my body as he exposed my skin. Goosebumps erupted over me, the feel of his hot breath against my skin overloading my senses. He was engulfing me, taking every part of me and bringing me closer to the edge of insanity. _

_"Emmett," I gasped as his mouth went further and further south. I was sure he could feel the trembling and tense muscles in my stomach, the tight feeling in my belly that was threatening to snap even now, even with minimal contact. He lifted up his curly head as if to ask for permission. His piercing eyes begged me to end this torture, to allow him the very thing we both wanted so desperately._

_"Make love to me," I whispered, and he moved back up my body to mate his mouth with mine..._

My goddamn alarm clock pierced through the morning air, and I cursed despite my gravelly, unused voice. That dream had just been too damn good, and now it was forever ruined by the annoying piece of technology on my bedside table.

I rolled over to shut it off, and nearly fell to the floor. I wasn't used to sleeping on twin beds. I hadn't since I was newly eighteen and just about to leave home for college back in Chicago.

Alice was sweet to put me up, but it was difficult adjusting to my newly single life. Despite the circumstances, there were a lot of things I missed from being a part of a couple. Not waking up alone, for one. Having someone warm to hold as I slept. Not that Edward was just a warm body to me, but you get the idea. I had been with Edward since we were in high school. It wasn't easy to just forget that and move on, even if I'd been emotionally divorced from him for months, if not years.

There was a huge hole in my heart, and it was hard to know if it would ever be filled again. Especially since the only man in the world I wanted hadn't called or spoken to me in a week. A week without his laugh, his dimples, his wide grin, the way I was so comfortable with him. The way he made everything disappear until it was all just him.

But I couldn't use him as my crutch. As much as I wanted him, I couldn't rely on him to hold me up during this emotional shit. He didn't deserve that. And I needed to grow, on my own. I couldn't afford another heartbreak, or at least another crushing disappointment and paralyzing shock.

I managed to make it downstairs before Alice The Human Tornado swept me out of my room like she had the first few nights since I had gotten here. Alice was a morning person. I was definitely not, and not even the scent of a well brewed cup of coffee was enough to brighten my mood even on the best of sunrises.

"Oh, Bella, you're up! I was just about to come and get you!" Alice chirped. She was too goddamn happy, but at least she hadn't made a flying leap into my stomach like she had the morning before. I was still trying to catch my breath from that one. "Coffee?" She handed a steaming cup in my hands, and as I took a sip, I had to admit that she got it perfect each time.

"Thanks, Alice," I said, sliding into my seat. She had already made breakfast, which officially made her the hero of my day already. "Where were you last night?"

"I went out," she said cryptically, which was strange, because usually Alice is bubbling over with information about who, what, when, where, and why, and you couldn't shut her up. Now she had turned back to the stove to flip over the French toast she was apparently making.

"And…?" I said, trying to get her to spill a little bit more.

"And… I met someone," she said. She blushed a little, which was very unlike her.

"Who?! Tell me all about him!" I exclaimed, happy that if my own life was shit, at least my best friend was doing well for herself.

"Well… this person is very sweet. And smart. And I've met them before, actually, but they were in a relationship at the time, and I was attracted to them at the start, but I didn't do anything about it… Well anyways, now they're single, and it worked out quite well." She was blushing hardcore now, nearly achieving a blush that I thought only I had perfected. She bit her lip as she checked the bottom of the toast to make sure it was browned enough.

"What's his name? Do I know him?"

"Uh…" she hedged.

"Alice, come on, I told everything about my love life, or now the lack thereof," I complained. "Why won't you tell me about him?"

"Well…" she said slowly. She took a deep breath and looked up at me. "It's because it's not a _he. _And yes, Bella, you have met _her."_

My jaw dropped. Holy shit, was everyone gay and I just didn't know it?! "What?" I squeaked.

"Rosalie. It was Rosalie." She looked down at her feet, looking so innocent and terrified of being hurt. Bambi eyes filling up with tears, she said, "Are you mad at me, Bella?"

"Why… why would I be mad?" I stuttered. First my boyfriend, now my best friend…

"Because I never told you I was attracted to women, too. And I mean, she's Jasper's sister…"

I involuntarily winced. It was still hard to think about him, especially considering the fact that the last time I saw him he was wrapped around my now ex-boyfriend.

"Oh, Bella, don't be mad at me!" Alice cried. In my daze, I'd failed to realize that she had started to sob, an uncommon frown on her sweet face.

"Oh God, Alice, no, I'm not mad at you!" I said, reaching out to hug her in reassurance. "I'm just… shocked. I didn't realize… didn't know…"

"It's not something I really talk about, I mean, I've never acted on it before" she said, pulling back and drying her tears. "But the minute I met Rosalie… I just knew that she was special. And I was so upset when I saw that she was with Tanya- although it gave me hope that maybe someday, she and I… And when I ran into her last night, she told me that it was all over with Tanya, that it had just been a bit of fun and now that was said and done with, that Tanya had found someone at home. I took a chance, and somehow, it worked." Alice's eyes were now sparkling, and a dreamy expression crossed her face. "Rose is… oh God, Bella, she's just so… she's so…"

"I get it!" I said, laughing. "She _is _a beautiful woman, I won't deny that." Man, this was weird. Surreal, even. "So, she and Tanya weren't serious?"

"I guess not," she said, shrugging with a wide grin on her face. She turned back to her French toast before it started burning. The bottom was pretty black as is. "Lucky me."

I snorted with laughter as I rose from the table to get my food. In the middle of the night, I'd woken up with inspiration for my next article so I was anxious to get to my computer. Writing was my one refuge these days. It let my mind wander from the shit that was my life, and allowed me to enter into another world. It was a cheesy-ass sentiment, but it was completely true.

As my editor, Alice was also my drill sergeant, but lately she'd been silent because I'd been over-providing her with material. It was nice to be ahead for a change. The one positive thing that I had all week, the one thing I could apparently control.

"So how was your night?" Alice asked, breaking me from my own little pity party.

"Fine. Did some writing," I said. _Some _was a bit of an understatement. I'd churned out almost two-hundred pages yesterday, a record for sure.

"Bella, you need to get out more. You can't just sulk! Maybe you should call Emmett."

"Oh, I don't know…" I said, looking down at my nails. I felt my face flame as his name was mentioned. My body never failed to react to him.

"Bella Swan, you cannot play victim forever! I want to see you happy, and you are clearly not." Alice put her hands on hips, reminding me of an indignant child.

"Maybe," I conceded, "I could call and see if he wanted to see a movie or something."

"Exactly!" she said brightly, clearly still high off of Rosalie's influence. Alice was generally a happy person, but this was above and beyond her usual levels, even when she thought she was in love with Jasper. How bizarre, that both twins were interested in the other sex. I briefly wondered if that was something scientific, or just unique to the Hales.

I wondered how Edward was doing, and if he and Jasper had made any progress in their relationship. Part of me hoped so. The other, more selfish part of me hoped not. If I had to be miserable, then so should he. But I knew life didn't work that way, and the only thing I knew was that Emmett hadn't called in a week, and I missed him. Then again, I hadn't called either, so I suppose we were both guilty. Or afraid. Or whatever.

"I'm going to get some more writing done before I call him," I said, and Alice glared at me. Her expression clearly said "NOW," but I knew Emmett was probably sleeping still. After all, it was only seven in the morning. I just prayed to God he was sleeping alone, like I was now.

**EPOV**

I kind of enjoyed sleeping alone. No clingy arms around my body, no unwanted breasts pressed against me. Just me and the cool sheets. It felt damned good.

Although there was still a large part of me that wished I weren't alone at night… and there would be no unwelcome breasts in the way there. Nothing soft, but instead, something _hard. _

Despite all of our talk about seeing each other and going out outside of work, Jasper and I had barely spent three seconds of alone time together since the morning after a week later. The office was constantly buzzing behind our backs, though not so stealthily. I'd heard dozens of rumors, one even passed directly from Eric Yorkie, who hadn't realized he was talking to the subject himself.

"I heard that Bella was actually a man in disguise," he whispered to me as we filled our coffee mugs. "Hiding in plain sight."

My jaw clenched. How in the hell could Bella _ever _be confused as a man? She was about the most feminine woman that I could imagine. Way too perfect. The notion she was anything else was absolutely absurd, laughable.

"Oh shit," he said, covering up his mouth in horror as he realized he'd just whispered to me.

I struggled for a comeback, something smartass to say. Or even a swift punch to the jaw. But I couldn't bring it in myself. I knew that since the party everyone had been talking behind our backs, and it was much easier to try and pretend that I had no idea what they were gossiping about.

It felt like I had holes burned into my back and neck from all of the intense stares I kept getting throughout the day. And my eyes were strained from concentrating on the space directly in front of me for so long. My throat had fallen into disuse from all the silence I kept lately; in short, I was a mess.

I knew it was just as bad for Jasper. I was the public face for our relationship, but Jasper was the mystery, hidden out in his office most of the time. He had the most to risk from our relationship, and I didn't mind taking the fall, so long as I knew I wasn't in this alone.

I tried not to feel like I really was alone as I looked through the classifieds to see if there were any good apartments open.

"Edward, do you have the Johnson v. Seymour files?" Emmett said beside me. His voice had lost all its jovial overtones and his eyes looked tired as he stood over me. He looked incredibly uncomfortable standing there, and I didn't know if it was because I was gay, or because I was Bella's ex.

"Uh, I think so," I said, and shuffled through the stack on my desk until I found the one in question. He took it from me, and stood over me for a moment, looking at me sadly before walking away. I wondered that look meant, and decided not to contemplate it. If I thought about it too much, I knew I'd go insane, if I wasn't already.

The rest of the day went by full of hushed rumors that were honestly becoming incredibly juvenile and increasingly moronic and elaborate, but with no other real events to speak of, for which I was glad. During one of our brief conversations the other night, Jasper and I had agreed to keep separate public profiles to avoid furthering the rumor mill, which didn't need any other ammo to keep it going. My days were dull because I didn't get to see his beautiful face like I really wanted to, but it was all for the best. It still didn't stop the heavy sigh from escaping my lips as I looked at his shut office door and had a rather graphic flashback of our time together.

I packed up my bag to leave for home. I was moving out in two days to a different place closer to the office, and I had a lot to do in that time. Jasper knew this, so I was surprised when he stuck his head out of his office door and called for me. Out loud. With other people in office, who all looked up in shock and awe, mouths dropping open so much you'd think you'd have heard joints popping.

"Can you please join me in my office for a moment?" he drawled in that sexy voice that still got me rock hard despite everything that had been happening, and despite the captive audience we'd ensnared unintentionally.

My mouth went dry as I nodded slowly. My heart was pounding hollowly in my chest, so loudly it rung through my eardrums, and I swore everyone else could hear it, too. I gulped, something which they surely did hear as I walked in a near trance towards Jasper's office. Just as I slid the door closed behind me, there was a hailstorm of whispers and gasps. I shut them out quickly.

Jasper stood behind his desk, his collar open at the top of his shirt, a few buttons undone, and my heart leapt in my throat as I took him in. It had been so long since I could openly appreciate him, and this was the first time where it held little to no regret or shame. I wasn't stupid enough to dismiss what I needed, and Jasper clearly fulfilled all the requirements. I deserved him. Somehow, deep down, I knew that.

Jasper was eyeing me just as eagerly, I noticed, and it made my heart kick-start in my chest.

"I've been thinking," he said slowly. "Everyone has all these theories, ideas about what's going on between us. And it's hardly fair to you, Edward. I hate asking you to be the brunt of everything."

My heart stopped. Was he firing me? Transferring me? Shit, shit, shit…

And then he looked into my eyes, and I relaxed. That wasn't it at all.

"I just figured…" His voice turned coy and playful. "If they're going to be saying these things… we might as well make sure they're damn well true."

My cock hardened even as I said, "Won't we get in trouble?"

"There's no policy against this," he said. "I'm a lawyer… I've read the fine print."

Oh God. He was using the lawyer angle. My knees got just a little bit weaker as he stepped towards me now. That was so fucking hot.

"While we will have to… discreet…" he said as he walked to me so slowly it was almost like a predator stalking its prey. His eyes shone with a wickedness and fun that I had never seen there before. The blue that was normally sky blue was now a stormy dark blue that made it hard for me to breathe. "There is nothing that prevents me from doing this."

He reached out to me, and pulled me to him by the collar of my shirt, crushing my body against his as our mouths clashed together hard. I moaned into his mouth as he deepened the kiss instantly, and he gripped my biceps tightly as my hands reached out to grasp him… anywhere. I needed him, and now.

Our tongues tangled together, and suddenly, there was nothing in the world but him. One hand wound around his waist while the other took more southerly pursuits, pulling our hips together hard as my hand pressed against his ass.

He bit down on my bottom lip just as there was a knock on the door. We froze.

**A/N II: Ooooooooh!!!!!! ;-) Review, please and thank you!!!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Well. I have no excuse for how late this is, other than Twitter, RP, and epic HF really take a toll on the writing process. My muses just flew out the window and left without so much as a goodbye note... but I have been doing somewhat better, and so here it is! We hit 300 reviews last chapter, thank you so much!!! There is a lot I SHOULD say in this note, but right now I'm tired and you're eager, and this has been unbeta-ed, so forgive me. Oh and hey, go to my group's site, www (dot) bfffersoffanfic (dot) com. We're a bunch of groovy ladies who just love Twilight and love it unhealthily. And if you love RP, check out absolutetwilight (dot) ning (dot) com. Pure fuckery going on there. ;-)**

**Follow me on Twitter and my blog on Blogspot. Links on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Yep. Still only the plot is mine. Damn.**

**EmPOV**

I watched Edward shut the door behind himself into Jasper's office, and my resolve was set then and there. The entire office erupted into hushed whispers and not-so-subtle conversations, but I didn't hear a word they said.

Everyone knew what they were going to do. That much was inevitable, written everywhere on Edward's face next to the confusion and fear he probably felt, too. And for the first time in my life, everything clicked into place.

I knew I'd be interrupting, but I had to tell them something. It was important.

I heard people gasp behind me, Jessica being the loudest, as I strode towards the door and knocked firmly. I didn't care what I might have been interrupting at that moment. I had something to say, now.

"Co-come in," Jasper said, and as I suspected, his voice was shaky.

I burst through, and saw that Edward was on the couch, trying to look nonchalant, while Jasper sat at his desk, but neither looked like they had been there long, disheveled and slightly out of breath. Whatever. I didn't give a shit about that, though they both looked terrified to see me there.

I shut the door behind me quickly and blurted out, "Thank you."

They looked completely befuddled.

"I mean it. You just proved to me that there's nothing to be afraid of. No reason to hold back. And I just… wanted to say… thanks."

Edward nodded slowly, as if he were giving me permission, as if he knew exactly what I was saying, and why, and that it was more than alright with him. We made eye contact, and I knew everything would be OK, so long as Bella saw things my way.

I gave them each a nod, which they returned, though Jasper still looked completely confused, and then I strode out of the office, making sure the door swung shut behind me. The entire room, which had been buzzing loudly, abruptly stopped, and they all stared at me as I grabbed my jacket and briefcase from my desk, striding out of the office determined. I didn't give a fuck about what they were saying or thinking. I had a mission, and I was going to see it through.

My car virtually drove itself to the apartment building. I'd heard through the grapevine that Bella was staying with Alice, that tiny shrimp of a friend of hers, and by a stroke of luck, Rosalie, my old friend from college, knew exactly where it was. I had a sneaking suspicion why, but I was sick of pondering other people's lives and knowing too much, so I let it go and drove up to the brown building.

143... 143... 143... Ah ha. My heart pounded hard in my chest. Would she think I was some sort of stalker? The thought stopped me for a moment, but the happiness I saw in Edward and Jasper's eyes, though they tried to hide it, propelled me forward. If they could be so happy, why couldn't we?

I knocked on the door, and was met with silence. I frowned, and knocked again. I could hear someone moving inside, and my heart raced unreasonably in my chest as I could hear them approach the door. There was a peephole, and it darkened for a second. And then nothing. No sound. No sign at the door knob, just the sound of cars going by on the street behind me.

The word "nerve-wracking" came to mind easily. What if it was the wrong house? What if it was Bella, and she didn't want to see me? What if I had completely blown the whole nonchalant guy thing and crossed over into something creepy or illegal? What if-

The lock slipped open, and my breath hitched in my throat. Now or never…

The door swung open, and there was Bella. My heart exploded in my chest, seeing her again, this time without tears in her eyes or a defeated posture. Now, she was dressed in my own personal wet dream of a tight white tank top and rolled up boxers, and holding cleaning products in her hands. Her mahogany hair was tied up in a ponytail, and I was compelled to pull it loose and run my fingers through it. I wanted to kiss the surprised and wide-eyed expression off her face and never let her go.

But for the moment, I needed to talk. She beat me to it.

"Emmett… I… I didn't expect to…" she stammered, which made me love her even more. Her voice was breathy and almost like she was trying not to sound too excited, or maybe that was just my overly-eager imagination.

"I had to see you," I said bravely before I could stop myself. "I had to tell you-"

"Bella, who is it?" Alice called from the other room. I winced as Bella said,

"No one, Ali, I just have to-" She interrupted herself as she walked out of the apartment and shut the door behind her. Shit. This wasn't looking good. "Why are you here, Emmett, how did you find me?"

A circle of pain surrounded my heart, but I couldn't let it stop me. Here and now, I had to do this.

"Bella, I love you." OK, so straight to the point it is. Awesome.

Her jaw dropped in shock. "Wha- wait… What now?" I loved it when she babbled, but she was making me nervous. She wasn't supposed to be standing on the front porch step with her arms crossed over her chest, Mr. Clean in one hand and a toothbrush in another. She wasn't supposed to be staring at me like I was an insane person, or stuttering like she couldn't even comprehend what I was saying. I don't know what I expected, a romantic comedy or some shit like that… but this wasn't it.

_Man it up, McCarty, _I told myself, and somehow, I made myself keep going.

"I love you, Bella. I don't know how it happened so fast, but it did, and I'm not going to apologize for it. We all deserve happiness, Bella. Even me, even when I'm an ass or say the wrong thing… I really think I deserve it. And you. That's all you deserve. And I just… I want us to deserve it together, does that make sense? I love you… beyond all comprehension. And I just hope that you can see that, and maybe want it, too."

Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, and I felt like an idiot, but at least it was all out there. She had to know… and I had to say it. It was all true.

She didn't say anything, and even my boost of self confidence wasn't enough to buoy me anymore. I physically felt my shoulders sink as she stood there. I cleared my throat. "Well, anyways…"

In a blur, she was in my arms. And in the next moment, her mouth was on mine, and all I felt or saw or heard or tasted was Bella. I cupped her face as I pulled her closer for a deep, loving kiss, trying to tell her with my body how much my heart belonged to her. She had to know. She just _had _to.

Her arms wound around my neck, and she whimpered a little, and I pulled her flush against me as we stood on her front step and kissed and kissed and kissed. My hands tried to behave themselves, but I couldn't help but push up the back of her tank top just a bit to feel the soft skin there. I felt her shiver against my touch, and I smiled against her mouth. Pressing a few chaste kisses there, I pulled back and saw that her eyes were shining with tears, but she was smiling widely.

"Emmett, I love you so much, so SO much," she murmured, and my entire being cried out with joy, and I don't care how fucking stupid that makes me sound, I was the happiest mother fucker on this planet, so don't give me shit.

I pulled her to me for a celebratory kiss, and then decided to tease her a bit, just because I needed to hear her say it again. "What was that, what did you say you love?"

She laughed. "You, silly."

"Who?"

"YOU!"

"Huh?"

She stamped her foot adorably. "You, you great lug," and then she initiated the kiss and I was drowning in Bella and I hoped I never revived.

"Bella, what in the- Oh!" Alice gasped from the doorway. "Emmett!" I opened my eyes to see the pixie standing with a huge grin on her face, but I made no moves to pull away, and neither did Bella. I winked at Alice and then pulled Bella closer, and she didn't protest. Alice grinned again and then gave a quick wave before walking away, leaving the door open.

"Should we go inside where it's more private?" she said against my lips, kissing me between each word so the sentence went on forever.

More inviting words had never been spoken. "Yes please," I said, well aware that I sounded more like an eight year old kid invited to sleep over at Disneyland than a man in his mid-twenties about to sneak away with the love of his life, but unable to stop it.

She grinned, and tugged on my hand as we went inside her apartment. "Wouldn't want to be giving the neighbors a show, now would we?" she said with mirth in her voice, and I laughed with her.

"Definitely not."

Alice was squealing like a little girl in the living room as we passed by, and I gave her a goofy grin. She giggled and made to dial a number in on her phone. I didn't even care that she was gossiping. For once, this was news I wanted everyone to know.

Bella's room was messy. Like, insanely messy, and I had no idea if it was because this wasn't really her place and she had to jam everything in, or if that was just how she was, but I didn't really care. My eyes were trained on her as she pulled me into the room and shut the door behind us. Alice was already yammering away on her phone.

"So, do you want to jump me first, or get a little tour?" Bella asked with a glint in her eye, and my jaw dropped in surprise.

"That's not all I want… I mean, we don't have to…" It was my turn to stammer, and Bella burst into laughter at the sight of me.

"Emmett, I was teasing. Although, I wouldn't mind…" She bit her bottom lip and I groaned.

"Don't tempt me, baby, I won't be able to resist." It was true. It was hard having self-control at this moment. So I did the only thing I could think of to distract myself from her inviting… twin bed. Well. That should make it a little easier to resist. Twin beds and me… I don't think so. Discounting the fact that my feet more than hang over the end, it would feel extremely high school of me. Then again, Bella never got laid in high school, if any of the rumors at work were true, and I was entitled to believe just one. So that could be hot…

I grabbed a picture frame out of the top of an open box, looked at it for a long moment, and then burst into laughter. "Holy shit! Who is THIS?!" The man in the photo had long sideburns, a 70s porn style mustache, and the most excellent mullet I had ever seen in my life. Beside him was a woman with hair teased up so high I wondered how any of it could still be hanging around her shoulders, and wide bangs that reminded me of The Little Mermaid. And that was just their hair. Don't even get me started on the excellence of the 80s fashion, turquoise and red plaid being the central feature.

Bella winced beside me. "And that was the flannel shirt with the sleeves still on."

I laughed. "My God, I'm glad I don't remember the 80s much."

She chuckled with me. "My parents were quite the fashion hounds, huh?"

"These are your parents?" I could see the resemblance now, the dark hair and the same eyes as the man, and the smile was entirely her mothers.

She nodded. "When they first got together. They got married right after this… it was kind of a fast deal with them." I wondered if that made her gun shy, because I knew they weren't together anymore, and I made a mental note to not rush her any more than I already had. She paused, looking at the picture wistfully before shaking her head and grinning once more.

She was so insanely beautiful. And if I didn't already love her, I'd fall again right here and now. I was such a goner.

"Wanna see naked baby pictures?" she asked with a laugh, interrupting my sinfully adorably thoughts (because face it, I'm adorable), and making me grin evilly.

"Exhibitionist, huh?"

"You have no idea," she said huskily, and my cock hardened. _Fuck yes._

**JPOV**

"What. The fuck. Was THAT?" I asked incredulously. Emmett bursts into my office, a huge goofy grin on his face, thanking us… nods at us… and then walks out like he wasn't just completely random.

"He's going to Bella," Edward said, still staring at the door that had just shut. "He wants to be happy like we are."

I smiled, heart swelling as he said _we. _"I hope they are," I said sincerely.

Edward smiled vaguely. "Me, too."

It was clear he didn't really want to talk about it, and to be honest, I didn't really, either. I just wanted to focus on the man in front of me, the one whom I wanted in my arms, the one I was currently nursing an enormous erection for…

"Edward, please, come here," I said. It had been weeks since he had properly been in my arms, and I found that to be completely unacceptable now. He looked surprised, like I might not want him anymore after all that. Fuck that shit, of course I did.

So I went to him. I sat on the couch next to him and pulled him into my arms, and kissed him, because that was the only thing that felt right in my life anymore. Just him. Just Edward.

He whimpered into my mouth, and I fought the urge to tear open his shirt and let the buttons fly and land where they may, but I knew that if I went that route, everyone and their mother's cat would know what we were up to, and I wasn't prepared for that. So this would be soft and sweet… for now.

My hand moved to cup his face, pulling him closer as our tongues intertwined and his hand gripped my wrist, pulling me tighter to him. He was shaking; his entire body was trembling out of control, and I realized that my own breaths were ragged as I pulled back only to plunge my tongue into his mouth once more.

"Oh God, Edward," I moaned between our kisses, and I swore I heard him moan my name, causing my heart to leap in my chest, so hard it was almost painful, but in a wonderful, wonderful way.

I had pushed him back onto the couch, and there was no way I was going to be able to get up from this place now. I was achy and desperate, and from the way he brushed against my thigh, I knew that he was just as needy as me.

And then I heard a long, peeling giggle from the other side of the wall, and Edward and I froze. Because once again, we were lost in each other. Once again, we were about to break all the rules. Because supportive as some of my coworkers might be, and no matter what the rules of the office were, it was above and beyond to keep going the way that we were.

Damn it.

I looked down at Edward, and he was panting hard, head tilted towards the door, probably fearful someone would step through at any moment. He truly looked like a deer caught in the headlights, though his eyes were hooded rather than wide. It made me want to fuck him into oblivion. But not now.

"We should probably go now," I said in a low voice, surprised at how shaky I sounded. "Would you like to come to my place?" I kissed the side of his neck to distract him.

"Sure," he gasped as I dipped my tongue into his ear. I couldn't get enough of this man. Ever. I was sure of it. It would never be enough, never could be. "Just give me a minute, OK?" He was still breathing deeply, and I could tell he was probably trying to quash his erection, because he kept twitching his fingers the way I did when I was trying to will away something. I wondered what his go-to image was, and decided to go to my own: the idea of my parents going at it. I shuddered, and the monster in my pants reluctantly retreated. Moments later, Edward looked equally relieved.

"Let's just be casual about this," I advised as I picked up my coat, holding it in front of me just in case, along with my briefcase. Tonight, I was going to ignore the files, whether Edward stayed or not. I needed a break, to stop killing myself over all the stresses of life.

"Yeah," he said, though he didn't sound casual at all. I wanted to pinch his cheeks. He was too damn adorable. "I have to get my stuff at my desk," he mumbled, and went out the door without another word. I frowned at his retreating back, wondering what was wrong now. Couldn't we just have a nice day together without one bad thing going wrong? Damn.

We made it out of the office mostly unscathed. It shocked me how easily Jessica and Lauren huddled together and talked in hushed voices about me when I was standing just feet away from me. I highly suspected one of them were the culprits responsible for the interruptions of the most epic cockblock of all-time and I glared in their general direction as I walked by, fishing my keys out of my pocket as we walked to the elevator.

Edward pressed the little white button that said P4, and we were moving down to our designated parking spaces. As we walked across the dark lot that smelled like tar and gasoline, I had an idea.

"If… if you want to come back with me, we can leave my car. Or yours. And drive together," I said, surprisingly nervous to ask. I wanted to spend more time with him, I wanted him to come to my home, to be a part of my private life. It ached, I wanted it so badly, and with his reaction in the office, now I wasn't so sure of how he felt.

"I just don't want to get towed," he said, looking at me with something like hope in his eyes.

"We can take your car," I said, thinking that might make him more comfortable. I invade his personal space, he can invade mine, it all seemed fair and logical.

"Sure," he said, looking slightly more relieved. "But won't you get towed?"

"I have a special parking space," I said, shrugging. "No worries, I sleep in my office all the time, especially when we get busy." It was true. The couch was comfortable for more things than just fooling around. I always kept an extra set of clothes there, as well as some PJs in my bottom desk drawer just for such an occasion. The janitors and I were really close friends.

"That's kind of sad," Edward said as he gestured towards his car. "Staying in the office like that and all."

I shrugged. "I don't have anyone to go back to, it's not like anyone misses me."

His face fell further, and I had to laugh at his adorable expression. "Relax, Edward! It's my job, and I love it. And now… now I think I might have more of a reason to come home at night." I knew that statement was heavy-laden with hope, but he just grinned at me and I felt myself relax.

The ride home was fast, because I was in good company. Edward was sweet, funny, and sexy as hell when he didn't even realize it. His occasional shyness mixed with his boldness made me fall even more for him as each moment passed. And I couldn't stop staring at him as he drove down the highway per my instructions. His crooked little grin, the insane amount of jaw porn, the sex hair… my body was in overdrive staring at his face alone, to say nothing about his body.

I was going to pounce when I got him home, I just knew it.

He burst into laughter when I gave him the final directions to my apartment, and when I asked, he just shook his head and said he'd tell me in a minute. I frowned and studied his features, but decided to just go with it and ask questions later. I took him upstairs to my floor, and he laughed even louder as we closed in on my door.

"What?!" I asked, frustrated. "What's so funny, Edward?"

He grinned like his whole life had been changed around. "I just moved. To 301." He pointed to the door next to mine, 303. "We're next door neighbors!"

_Praise the Lord. _

**A/N: Awww, some love. Leave me some in the form of reviews!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I sort of have a good excuse for not posting lately... I just moved back from Oahu, very suddenly. It was the right decision, and I'm glad to be back in Oregon. Home sweet home. Also, I've discovered that when you spend an inordinate time role playing and having loads of RP sexing, you don't feel like writing lemons. Which should give you some clue as to what this chapter entails. So I'm sure you're not going to complain. I hope you enjoy, hope it was worth the wait!!!**

**Don't forget about The Kinky Bitches Uniformed Hottie OneShot Competition!!! .net/u/2233149/TheKinkyBitches Time is running out!!! Make EmmaleeWrites05, kimbercullen and myself very happy ladies and enter!!! **

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**Disclaimer: You and I both know I don't own jack. **

**EPOV**

The air around us became charged as soon as we closed Jasper's apartment door. The fact that we were next door neighbors kept bouncing around in my head, the jitters inside me making me nearly giddy. My brain was on overload with possibilities, even going so far as imagining knocking out the wall so that we could have one large living space in which we could kiss and fuck on every available surface.

So instead of getting hard off my imagination, I decided to look around Jasper's apartment. It was the exact opposite of mine, the newcomer. The walls were dark blue with the same light wood floors as in my apartment, and he had leather furniture everywhere, which made me laugh. A giant flat screen TV graced the wall- typical bachelor pad motif. He had very little artwork on the walls, only a few black and whites of a deep, dense forest that reminded me of Olympic National Park, and a small framed picture near the door of what I presumed was his family, because Jasper and Rosalie were standing next to a woman who could have been Rosalie's older sister. I pointed to it, trying to say anything to calm my jittery nerves. "Your folks?"

"Yeah," he said with an easy smile that made my stomach twist with need. "They're still in Texas. I think I might go visit them sometime after this case is over. I'm definitely going to need a break after it." He gestured towards a huge pile of files sitting beside the couch. It was easily two feet high and had post-it notes of four different colors sticking out in all directions.

"Holy shit," I said, my eyebrows raised high. "You've been working hard."

"It keeps my mind off of things," he said quickly, and I noted a slight blush on his cheeks, and I wondered (and hoped) that he meant me… that I affected him almost as much as he affected me. The thought made me blush in turn, hope filling my chest.

"Right," I said, and moved over to a small shelf of random knick-knacks to distract myself from saying something incredibly stupid like, "I love you." That should probably wait, at least for awhile. Because even know I knew it, deep down in my bones, I also knew that the timing was wrong, that it wasn't right to tell him yet.

"So…" Jasper said, interrupting my thoughts as he finally shrugged off his coat and put his hand out to take mine. "Want something to drink?"

"Sure," I said. "Whaddaya got?"

"Well… uh… I remember that you like whiskey… neat…" Jasper said shyly, and had his tone not been so suggestive of our first night together, I might have been shocked, but as it was, I merely choked on my own tongue and nodded, gasping for air. Jasper gave me a funny look, and walked to the mini-bar he had next to the TV, pouring me a decent amount before pouring his own, and then walking to me again with the amber liquid. Our hands brushed as I took the short glass from him, and I swore that bolts of lightening hit me. My heart stopped when I saw how dark his eyes were when he clinked glasses with me, and we never broke eye contact as we both swallowed our drinks in one gulp. My throat was tight as I swallowed; I was nervous as hell.

"Should I call for some dinner?" he asked after a heavy silence that left me breathless. It was like we both knew what was going to happen- I would have to be dead not to notice the tension between us- but we were both afraid to make the first move. That it would make things official. I wondered if that meant he wasn't ready… or if I wasn't. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my head. I was sick of being the victim in my own life. I'd never been the whole "boot straps" kinda guy before… but I figured now was as good a time as any to try.

Jasper seemed completely oblivious to my internal battle, whistling as he flipped open a worn and outdated phonebook, clearly well versed in the menus and selections. I paused for a moment to take him in, seeing him comfortable and relaxed for the first time, as he leaned over the counter on one elbow to peruse the pages. I think I fell in love with him all over again as I saw he was wearing reading glasses, something I'd never noticed at work before, and his white button down shirt was now open at the collar. At the very least, my pants tightened slightly taking in his unconsciously sexy form.

"Chinese? Thai? Italian?" he asked, and for a minute, I forgot what he was talking about.

"What?" I said dumbly, still staring at him like I was under a spell that prevented me from looking away.

"Dinner?" he asked, quirking up his eyebrows in amusement, like he knew exactly what I was doing and why, and I blushed.

"Right. Um… You pick, I'm fine with whatever."

He rolled his eyes. "Are you always this indecisive?"

I had to laugh at that. "Entirely. I second guess everything, it takes me forever to make a decision."

"Then I guess it's good I made the first move," he said almost to himself, and my heart sped out of control as he looked at me again with hooded lids. The air between us crackled again as our eyes connected, and before I knew it, before I could think of another thing to say or do, we were reaching for each other, and out mouths were crushed together again.

Pure heaven.

His hands stroked my arms as we changed the angle of the kiss, deepening it, my own arms constricting around his waist to pull him closer to me as we kissed in his kitchen, the phone book and dinner long forgotten. Jasper gripped my arms tighter as the kiss became more and more passionate, my knees becoming weaker by the second. Before I knew what was happening, my ass had been bumped up against the kitchen counter, and Jasper's hands had moved from my arms into my hair, tugging on it not too gently, causing me to groan into his mouth.

"Wanted this… for so long…" he muttered against my lips, and my already out-of-control heartbeat skidded into my ribcage.

I dragged his hips against mine, pulling him flush to me as he pinned me to the counter, savoring the way his tongue mated with mine and entwined together. He tasted like orange Tic-Tacs tonight, and I smiled against his lips as his hands moved from my hair to my ass, bringing our mutual erections together in the most deliciously torturous ways.

Jasper was breathing heavily against my mouth, and my own breathing was becoming progressively more ragged, my ass digging into the counter, my hands dragging through his hair to pull his mouth even closer. We would both have scruff burn, and most likely bruised lips, but I didn't fucking care. I wanted everyone to know how he made me feel.

"Edward," Jasper gasped against my lips. "Bed."

My heart thudded and raced in my chest, and I couldn't breathe even as our mouths were wrenched apart and he was guiding me to his bedroom. My feet followed; the rest of me was a daze and had no idea where it was going… it just wanted to go.

Jasper's swollen mouth grinned at me as we practically ran to his bedroom, I had never been more in love with him than I was at this moment. His shirt was rumpled from my hands and his hair was a mess, his glasses half-sliding down his nose, eyes dark with desire, his mouth swollen from our fevered kisses.

Apparently, Jasper was also distracted by me, because only seconds later, he was tripping over something and taking me down with him. We both yelped in surprise as I landed hard against him, my elbow into his stomach.

"Ooof…. FUCK!!!" he exclaimed as I tried to scramble up off of him, and he was also struggling to sit up, his feet kicking wildly to become untangled from the bed sheet he had stepped into. "Oww…"

"Oh shit, Jasper, I'm so sorry, are you OK?" I asked, hovering over him, my hands trying to somehow magically heal the internal injuries he was sure to have sustained when my dumb ass fell on him.

"Yeah," he said, sounding winded, rubbing his stomach protectively. "I should have remembered I left that there… got a little excited there…" He looked so sheepish and adorable flat on his back, I could help but grin. "Don't laugh at me," he pouted.

"I'm not laughing," I said, stroking his cheek, and our eyes locked again. I could tell he was fighting between pain, humor, and arousal, and I wasn't sure which one was winning out over the other. He answered for me by pulling me by my arm to him, his head lifting off the floor just to meet my mouth, his tongue running along the seam of my lips immediately to deepen the kiss.

He pulled me on top of him, letting me settle between his thighs as we kissed deeply again, his hand cupping the back of my neck to pull me even closer. My body went into over-drive feeling his erection against mine through our flimsy work pants, and he ground against me hard, making me gasp into him mouth.

"Edward, I want you," he mumbled against my lips, plunging his tongue back in my mouth, and I couldn't take it anymore. I fumbled with the button of his pants as he started unbuttoning my dress shirt, breathing raggedly into each others mouths. His hands ran over my chest and stomach, making my body jump with arousal. Last time we were drunk. Last time, I had no idea what was up or down, I just knew he was kissing me. This time… this time I felt everything. And it was more than I ever could have asked for.

Jasper shifted beneath us, rubbing against the monster in my pants that was threatening to bust out through the fabric of my pants, straining to be closer. I moaned, and he became still beneath me, pulling back.

"What?" I gasped, suddenly heartbroken that he might want to stop.

"Bed," he moaned, and my heart healed quickly as I pulled him to his feet. This time, he was the one to push me onto the bed, and I fell back onto the soft bedding, seeing him crawl from the foot of the bed up to me in only his shirt and boxer briefs, and I didn't know if I could take much more of this. My poor heart was going to give out.

"Jasper," I rasped. "I can't… I need…" My hips wriggled on the bed as he looked at me hungrily. "Please…"

"Edward, what are you asking of me? I need to know," he said, moving beside me, cupping my face and running his thumb against my bottom lip, causing them to part. "Tell me what you need."

"I need you," I breathed, and I knew it was true. I was ready. More that ready. My cock ached for him, and my heart did, too. I was ready to be with him, body and soul.

His eyes became tender, and his kissed me, the urgency gone from him. He knew it, too. And this couldn't be rushed.

"I've never wanted anyone the way I want you," he said softly, stroking my hair. My pounding heart melted as he spoke. His blue eyes met mine, and I nodded, swallowing hard. Along with the knots of need, my stomach twisted with nervousness. This was going to happen.

Jasper kissed my chest, running his hands down my stomach, straddling one of my thighs as he sucked down on my left nipple. "Your pants have got to go," he muttered against my skin, moving his hand down to fumble with the button, failing miserably. "Shit," he said, moving back to concentrate on the zip and button, until I was lifting my hips so my pants were gone. I pushed off his shirt, and suddenly we were in our underwear together, kissing fiercely as he settled between my thighs again.

"More," I found myself groaning, and Jasper moaned against my neck as his hands explored my body. He was worshiping me, making me feel like some fucking God that deserved praise. I was the last person on earth that deserved this… and yet he found me worthy. I was breathless.

"Edward, I want to give you everything," he sighed, and my cock twitched against his. Because his words charged me with something, something I wasn't prepared for. But something I needed more than oxygen.

"You already have," I said, shocking myself, but not caring. He had to know how he'd changed me. How he was making me happier than I'd ever been in my life with one night than I had been total for the rest of my meager years. "Make love to me."

He let out a groan worthy of some of the porn I'd watched in secret over the years, and the mood changed again. Our kisses were more passionate, more needy. And my hand went down the waistband of his boxer briefs.

My God, he was huge. I had nothing to compare it with other than my own and those in the adult industry, but I knew this guy was packing heat. Suddenly, I was terrified. I wanted him inside me; instinctively, I knew it was what I needed to be complete. But damn. How would it _fit?_

I stroked his length in my hand as I kissed him, feeling the silky skin of his shaft and the sticky precum on the tip that I wanted to taste. I was about to roll over and take him into my mouth before he stopped me.

"No Edward. This is about you. Not me. Not tonight."

I whimpered in protest. "But-"

He cut me off. "Edward. I'm going to assume that other than the night of the party, you've never been with a man before. I know this isn't necessarily going to be easy for you. And I need you to be relaxed and calm… and aroused. I'm already there, knowing you want me. Knowing that you _need me. _That I'm the first one. Do you have any fucking idea how much of a turn-on that is?"

I shook my head, my eyes hooded as I looked up at him. My God, he was beautiful.

"Let me show you how much I love you," he said, and then froze as I gasped. I saw the blush on his cheek as my heart thundered at his confession.

"You love me?" Silence. "Jasper… please…" Even I heard the desperation in my voice.

"Yes," he finally said, and I knew that he was afraid.

"Hey. Look at me," I said softly, cupping his face. His eyes were mournful, as if I was going to reject him or something equally insane. I stroked the scruff on his face with my thumb. "I love you, too, Jasper. I think from the moment I met you, I loved you."

He gasped, and relief flooded his body, visibly relaxing, leaning into my touch now. "Same," he breathed. And that was it. Now and forever. Him and me. I knew, deep in my bones, this was it. And I think so did he.

He laughed exuberantly, kissing me fiercely as he molded himself to me, and no more words were exchanged, only ecstatic kisses and endless groping.

But there's only so much of that a man can stand before he explodes. And I didn't want to seem to be without stamina.

"Wait, wait," I gasped, wrenching my mouth from his. "Jasper… I need you. Shit, I need you. I'm going to explode…"

He chuckled lightly. "So am I, _believe me."_ His boxer briefs were bulging, and once again, I wanted to lick my lips and dive right in. "Edward, are you sure? Are you ready?"

I gulped. "I think so…" He was just so _big. _

"Edward, I refuse to push you into anything you're not completely ready for. I want this to be the best experience of your life, because I love you, and I want nothing more than your happiness," he said sincerely. My heart melted again. This man was too kind, too wonderful, too amazing, surely, to be real. And yet… here I was, here he was… here _we_ were…

"I need you," I confirmed. "Inside me. I know. I'm ready."

He leaned forward to kiss me again. "If you're sure…"

"I am," I said, more confidently. "I know I am. Jasper… I love you. And I want you to show me just much you love me."

This time it was his turn to gulp, but I knew it was a good kind of gulp. If that made sense.

"I'll be careful. I'll be gentle," he said, pulling my boxer briefs down my hips, freeing my aching and needy erection. It was becoming painful. He kissed the tip of my weeping cock once, and then pushed his own underwear down until he was fully naked, too. I groaned as I took him all in, and the groans became louder as his fingers brushed against my entrance, pressing his finger gently against it, not entering but creating pressure. I tensed up, but not because it hurt… though I knew it would. I wasn't naïve.

"Are you OK?" he asked. His brow furrowed. "We can work up to it, baby, we don't have to do it all at once."

I sighed at his term of endearment. "Maybe that's a good idea," I said, images of his cock tearing me in half bombarding me.

"Just this for now?" he asked, stroking my hole lightly, my body arching and moving towards his hand.

"Yessss," I hissed. My cock bobbed between us and he dipped his head to suck me between his plump lips, swollen from our endless kisses. "Fuck!" I shouted in surprise. He continued to stroke my ass as his mouth took in more and more of me, holding onto the base of my cock and stroking it as he concentrated on sucking the head, his fingers pushing inside me slightly. I yelped, not out of pain, but surprise, but he released my cock and moved away quickly as I did.

"Are you OK?" he asked, fear in his eyes again. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I gasped. "Just surprised, that's all."

He leaned up to kiss me gently. "We'll work on it, I promise. I want it to be perfect for you."

I fell more in love with him at that moment. "OK," I agreed. "But in the meantime… Jasper, if I don't cum now, I swear to God…"

He laughed. "I know what you mean." He kissed down my chest again, down my jumpy stomach muscles, to my cock again where he promptly set an impossible pace, my body arching up again, unable to contain the moans and barks that came out of my mouth as he tugged on my balls and I came hard into his mouth.

"FUCKING SHIT!" I screamed, semi-embarrassed that I had cum so quickly, but mainly relieved that release had finally come. I fell limp back on the bed as he swallowed all around me, closing my eyes in contentment.

Jasper cleared his throat, and I opened one eye to see him kneeling on the bed, crooking an eyebrow at me. "Am I going to have to do this on my own?" He gestured to his cock, and I had to laugh.

"Not tonight, or any other night for that matter," I said with a smirk, and I got up to kiss him, also kneeling. My hand moved down to his cock, pumping furiously as his hands cupped my face to kiss me. When he pulled away to gasp as I jerked him off, I kissed his neck, biting down gently when I figured out that's what he wanted most. "Come on, Jasper," I whispered in his ear. "Cum for me, can you do that? Cum."

"Ughhh," he groaned, and I bit down on his neck again as I felt my hand and part of my hip coated with his hot cum. I pulled away when he seemed overly sensitive, and was torn between licking it off my hand or grabbing a nearby towel.

"Taste it," he prompted, his voice husky from orgasm and lust. "I want to see you taste me, Edward."

Disbelieving of my own actions, I lifted my hand to my face and licked it, much like a cat. Jasper's eyes darkened again, his lids still hooded as he watched me. "Fucking delicious," I whispered, and then he was pouncing on me, kissing me again.

Hours later, I lay in his arms, satiated and exhausted, wondering just how my life had come to this point… and wondering why it all felt so effortless with him. With Jasper there was no hesitation, no fear, no anxiety… just him and me, natural and easy and right.

I wasn't fucking complaining.

**A/N II: Reviews make me happy and inspire me to write quicker!!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: First off, I'd like to point out that this chapter is almost twice as long as normal chapters are, mostly as an "I'm sorry I haven't been updating like I should, please forgive me" kind of gesture. Plus, well, these folks had a lot to say. *winks* I'd also like to thank larin20 and EmmaleeWrites05 for approving... well... you'll see what. I ran it by them and they don't think you'll want to murder me too much. Haha. Needless to say, the original story based off of my own life and my own experiences has diverted greatly from this story, so now it's purely a work of fiction and should be taken as such. And... I think that's all I need to say for now!!!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah. You know only the plot's mine. **

**BPOV**

One week. Seven whole days. One fucking long, achy, frustrating days.

Emmett hadn't touched me. Well… alright. That was a lie. We touched. A whole fucking lot. Just not enough, in the right places, in the right circumstances. I was about to combust. When he'd brush his tongue against mine and run his hands up under my sweater to run his thumbs along the skin, I'd moan and nearly spontaneously combust… Those were the best moments of my life, I swear. I could kiss him forever, I really could.

And yet, my body had other ideas. It wanted more. Much, much, _much _more. It wanted Emmett in all the best ways, and He. Wasn't. Giving. It. Up.

When he showed up at my door, looking eager and scared to death, saying all those wonderful things to me… I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven. Or at least was asleep and having the best dream ever known to the history of man. He looked so sincere and adorable, standing on my porch step thinking I'd turn him away. And then when we were in my bedroom, and I swear, Emmett's eyes spent more time on the bed, probably imagining how we could try and squeeze onto it… and then… he was kissing me so tenderly I thought I'd cry. And then, before I could take things further, he was telling me goodnight and I was left all fluttery and in love and confused. Alice burst into laughter when she saw my face, and I glared at her before I flounced on my bed staring at the ceiling.

The next few nights progressed beautifully, rounding second base with no effort whatsoever. It was perfect, fluid, amazing. Emmett knew just where to touch me, how to make me sigh, how to turn me on like no one ever had in my entire life- not even David Beckham's underwear campaigns. And that was saying a lot.

And somehow, without much more than a fumbled "See you later," he'd walk out of my apartment leaving me dazed and pouting, only partially because my mouth was swollen from his kisses and tiny, arousing bites.

"What is _wrong _with me?" I wailed into my coffee on the morning of the eighth day. "More importantly, what is wrong with _him?_ Aren't I sexy?"

"Of course you're sexy," Alice said while buttering some toast. She didn't even look at me as she said it, and it made me laugh for some reason. "He's probably just scared."

"But why?" I said, my brow furrowed in confusion. "I said I loved him. He KNOWS I want him. I KNOW he wants me… I felt it against my hip… more than once."

Alice snorted. "Just give him time. He's probably trying to give you room. You _did _just come out of a very serious relationship."

"Yes but…" I said, looking down into my now-soggy cereal, which would get summarily dumped into the disposal as soon as this conversation was over. "But… I want him."

Alice giggled. "Well of course you do… have you SEEN him?"

"Uh… yeah…."

"Right." Alice and I looked at each other and burst into laughter, the ridiculousness of her words rewinding in my head over and over, until tears were rolling down my face. It felt good to laugh, and I mean to really _laugh_.

"So anyways," Alice said, her face still beet red from laughing. "I just think he's been a nice guy, Bella. He wants you. It's written all over his face."

I nodded. "I _know_ he wants me. It's just why he's not acting on it that's bugging me. I mean, what is it? That I'm Edward's ex? That it's so soon?"

"Probably a little bit of both," she said, taking a bite of her toast. "He's a decent guy, Bella. Give him some credit. Most guys would have taken advantage of the whole "vulnerable chick" thing."

"Vulnerable chick?" I arched an eyebrow at her in mock defiance.

"You _know _what I mean," she said. "You and Edward haven't been apart for that long."

"And yet he's with Jasper," I said, more sadly than I had intended. Alice didn't bother to deny it; I knew that she and Rosalie had talked about it, and it was more than confirmed now by her gaping silence. Parts of me hurt, but I knew it was for the best. Or that it would be. I had Emmett, and I had no right to be upset now.

It still twinged a bit around the heart.

I cleared my throat and went to take a bite of my cereal before I realized it was gross and needed to go away. I slid out of my chair and walked to the sink, feeling bad that I was wasting food, but no way in hell I'd eat soggy corn flakes. That would just make me throw up.

"I'm going out with Rosalie soon," Alice said, in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"How's that going?" I asked. Alice had been shockingly private on the subject, and it was utterly bizarre to witness.

"Just fine," she said, drifting into a dreamy expression. I knew that meant it was more than fine. "She's…" Her eyes got all moon-eyed and I wanted to giggle but that would have just been mean. I was happy for my friend. She deserved love.

"That's good," I smirked. "I gotta go write now." Alice beamed, ever my pushy employer. She was first and foremost my friend, but I swear there were moments when there were dollar signs in her eyes when she looked at me. I didn't care. I loved writing. I'd do it regardless of a paycheck.

As I walked into the living room, a strong smell… a stench, more like… came in through the open window. I wrinkled my nose in displeasure… and then my stomach gave a heave. I barely made it into the bathroom before the entire contents of my stomach came up. I don't know how long I sat there gagging into the toilet, but took me more than a minute to realize that Alice had come in to hold my hair back for me. I looked up and smiled weakly up at her before puking again.

"Are you OK Bella?" Alice asked, rubbing my back as she looked down at me with great sympathy in her eyes. She brushed errant strands of hair out of my face like I was a child and she was my mother. In fact, in that one instant, she had been more motherly to me than my own mom ever had been.

"I'm fine now… I think," I said, frowning and clutching at my stomach. "That was so weird, so instant. What was that smell?"

"What smell?" Alice said, wrinkling her nose, clearly trying to focus on the vomit in the room. "I didn't smell anything. I do now…"

"That's just so weird," I said. "I'm never that sensitive." I shrugged, feeling much better now that my stomach was empty again. I tried to stand back on my feet, wobbly. Alice flushed the toilet, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like hell warmed over. "Great," I moaned. "Emmett will be here in a few hours, and I look like shit."

"You'll be fine," Alice said dismissively. "You ate something that didn't agree with you, that's all."

She was right. There had been something funny about those corn flakes. They'd always been my least favorite cereal anyway. "Yeah," I said. "Just lemme brush my teeth and I'll start working."

"Good!" Alice said, and after washing her hands, she pranced out of the bathroom, her usual cheerful self. I brushed my teeth, examining myself in the mirror. I had dark circles under my eyes, probably from my restless nights after Emmett would leave me hot and bothered. And I was paler than normal, but that wasn't unusual in and of itself. I'd just thrown up. I just prayed some color would go back into my cheeks… and knowing my infamous blush, it'd be back soon enough.

Writing. Now I had to do some writing. Emmett would be over as soon as he was done with work, and I knew that I had to have something ready for dinner. Last night it had been his turn to cook, God love him, and I'm pretty sure the tomato sauce stains would never come out of his white walls. Who puts whitewash in a kitchen anyway?!

I slid on the couch, making myself comfortable with my laptop in my lap, and settled down for a long day of writing.

* * *

"Bella? Baby?" Some deep, familiar voice stirred me from an amazing dream where Emmett was fucking me up against the couch. "Honey, wake up." It sounded so real.

My eyes fluttered open, to see Emmett's amazing blue eyes looking down at me, an amused expression on his face.

"Wake up sleepy head," he said in a sing-song voice, and I wanted to slap his arm. So I did.

"Shut up," I moaned. "What time is it?"

"Seven," he said, with a small smile on his face. He was simply too adorable for words.

"Holy crow!" I shouted. "How long was I asleep?!"

"I… don't know," he said, giving me a dimpled grin. "You're kinda cute when you're frazzled and confused, you know that?"

"Oh hush," I said, knowing full well I must have looked like hell. I'd been asleep since noon… _seven hours._ And I still wanted more. What the hell?

"It's true," he said, and his expression was so earnest, I had to believe him. I leaned forward to kiss him, and then pulled back.

"I was… sick… earlier," I said with a grimace. "And I just slept like seven hours. So I think maybe I'm coming down with something, I don't want you to get sick too."

Emmett kissed my forehead, and I flushed. With one simple touch, he had more effect on me than Edward ever had. I shivered as his hand trailed down the back of my neck. "I'll risk it," he said softly, kissing down my cheeks and jaw, my breath coming out in pants as his lips brushed against mine. My head spun as I pulled him closer, the fuzziness in my head disappearing as he kissed me tenderly. Like I really mattered. Like I was all that mattered.

It was enough to make me want to cry, and I was shocked when I felt tiny tears form in the corner of my eyes. I kissed Emmett back eagerly, trying to chase away the tears, and he responded in kind, much more eagerly than I ever expected. Before I knew what was happening, he was straddling my legs (when did I get covered with a blanket? Where was my laptop?) and covering my body with his.

Oh, I couldn't stop. I was sure my mouth tasted disgusting, from sleeping all those hours, but Emmett didn't seem to mind, and I wasn't about to break away. I loved feeling his weight above mine, pinning me down into the cushions, running my hands up and down his muscular arms. More of this… this was all I wanted.

I wrapped my leg around Emmett's, trying to pull him closer, dragging my hands through his hair, our tongues playing together. Emmett groaned into my mouth, spurring me on, his own hands wandering up my body, my breath hitching as he cupped my breasts in his large hands.

"Oh Emmett," I moaned into his mouth, and for some sad reason, he took that as his cue to stop, as always. He was starting to remind me of Edward in the old days, and I wasn't about to have a repeat of that. Fuck no. "Why did you stop?" I demanded. "Emmett," I said, as he looked away sheepishly. "Look me in the eye and tell me why you stopped!"

"It's too soon!" he burst out. "You're not ready…"

"Don't you dare give me that bullshit Emmett McCarty," I shouted. This was Edward all over again, treating me like a damn delicate flower that didn't know my own mind. "What's really the problem?!"

"Nothing is the problem, Bella," he said in a softer voice, making me relax without even thinking about it. "I don't want to take advantage of you."

I slid my arms around his neck, looking into the side of his face as he stared stoically ahead. "You're not," I said, running my hands over his hair to fix it. My hands had caused a bit of chaos there, and even though I found it sexy as hell, we had to talk first. "Emmett… there's no advantage to be taken of. It's me, Bella, a woman, wanting you, Emmett, a man… and all of the things that entails."

The corner of his mouth twitched, just enough so his dimple showed in a flash. "I just don't want to be that guy… the one that hurts you. You don't need that, you don't deserve that…"

I kissed his cheek softly, stroking his jaw. "It hurts me more when you push me away and tell me I'm not ready for something I know I am," I said quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said softly, turning towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer against him. "Which is why I don't want to push you."

"Hell, Emmett," I said, trying to break the tension slightly, get him out of his own head for a second. "If you don't push me, I'll push you. In a _good _way." I even threw in a wink, simply out of desperation. Because did I feel desperate? Slightly. OK, a little more than slightly. This was the man I was made to love… and he wasn't willing to give me what I wanted. It hit just a little too close for me. And this was a different relationship. A different man, a different circumstance. I didn't want history to repeat itself, or for us to dwell on the past. Starting now.

Emmett grinned at me now, the full effect of his dimples and smiling eyes hitting me, and I just had to kiss him. It would be a sin not to. He gripped the back of my sweater as he kissed me back, a small little grunt escaping his throat. But before I had the chance to straddle his lap and make him do naughty, lovely things to me, Alice interrupted. Because she's oh so good at that.

"Hey Bella?" she said from the bathroom. Hell, I hadn't even known she was here… but then again, how else would Emmett have gotten in?

"Yes?" I said sharply, annoyed at her for interrupting a truly magnificent kiss.

"Do you have any tampons? I'm out," she said casually, and of course, because I'm me, and because I was still in the arms of my new boyfriend, I blushed.

"No," I said, in a rush to get this conversation over with.

"Don't we have the same cycles?" she asked. "I coulda sworn we did." Completely a coincidence, but it was true. It wasn't because we'd lived together so long it has just happened, but we were both on the pill at the same time, so in theory, I should have needed tampons too. I shrugged off the uneasy feeling I had, because really, I didn't need to be paranoid yet. Emmett and I definitely weren't doing anything that would make that an issue.

"I dunno Alice, all I know is I don't have any extras, OK?" I said, trying to keep the disparaging tone out of my voice.

"Alright," she called, and flitted off into her bedroom again, slamming the door behind her.

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry about that," I said, still blushing. "The girl doesn't know the meaning of TMI."

"She's the one dating Rosalie, right?" Emmett said, and I was surprised he even knew. Last he'd seen, Rose was with Tanya, so far as I knew.

"Yeah," I affirmed.

"Then that makes sense. I'm pretty sure Rosalie has no filter either. She's a female me!" he laughed. I had to laugh with him. It was true. The tampon draught was soon forgotten, and we got back to making out on the couch.

**JPOV**

As we predicted, the rumors in the office swirled around even more than usual, but I took it all with a grain of salt, and so did Edward. We realized… it didn't matter what they thought. It didn't matter what sick and/or twisted things they thought of to say or think about us. We knew the truth, and we knew how the other felt- that was all that mattered.

I was happy. More than just happy, but like my entire life was full, complete. Like I could breathe again. Before Edward… hell, before I even moved to Seattle, I was miserable. My life was a black cloud that I could barely see through, the fog settling around me and following me wherever I went. Some people take pills for it. I pushed through it with work, something I could never regret because it led me to him.

I couldn't even regret… _him_. It was hard, when I thought about my past, to not think about Peter. He was my everything for a long, long time. My partner in more than just law. And even now, the pain that I felt when I thought of him was still there. Not a throbbing pain, but a dull ache. Even Edward hadn't made it go away totally. I doubted it ever would.

I sighed and shook my head, my eyes retraining on the document on my computer. My client was coming in this afternoon, and I had to get my thoughts together to present her with our best case scenario. I couldn't afford distraction, not now. I had to have my head in the game, because otherwise this was all going to be a waste. And I hate waste.

Two hours later, and thirty-five minutes late, Irina Theriot was strolling into my office in a cloud of expensive perfume. She had filed for divorce from her husband of twelve years, Laurent Theriot, one of the wealthiest and most influential businessmen in Seattle, and the divorce went deeper than mere irreconcilable differences. Irina was also vice president of their company, and she wanted to take Laurent for all he was worth. He had massive amounts of evidence against him, she had a prenup on her side, and there were scores of women who were willing to testify in court. Things were looking good. But we'd never get anywhere if she kept showing up late all the time.

"Sorry, I'm late," she breathed, brushing her silvery blonde hair out of her face. Her accent was lilted slightly, and I briefly remembered the rumor that she had once been a mail-order bride that got lucky. I can't imagine that was the case, but the rumors persisted, and if we won, she'd reach legendary status. "I was at the gym and got so sidetracked." She laughed lightly, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I'm just glad you're here," I said diplomatically, and then we got down to work.

Hours later, having been interrupted by her jewel-encrusted cell phone approximately fifteen times, Irina left, swaying her hips and clinking her excessive gold jewelry as she left. I let out a heavy sigh of relief as she left, because this also meant I got to leave. Looking at the clock, I knew that meant the office would be empty by now.

I loosened my tie and wrapped up the notes I'd made, grabbing some files to work on over the weekend. We were going to win this. We had to. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I didn't hear anyone walk into my office until they were standing right in front of me.

"Jasper?" Edward said softly, and I nearly flew out of my desk chair in surprise, my heart thumping wildly in my chest, and not just because I was in love with him.

"Fuck!" I shouted, my hand flying to my chest in some bizarre attempt to calm it as the adrenaline pumped through me. "Jesus, Edward you scared the hell outta me!"

Edward grinned widely, his smile and crinkled eyes smirking at me and making my whole heart palpitation thing that much worse. "You OK there, J?" He smirked again, and I kinda wanted to punch him in the mouth just to make him stop giving me a heart attack… in more ways than one. But then.. I decided I'd rather kiss said mouth, so I leaned across the desk and did just that.

"I'm fine," I said, when I pulled back, and had to laugh at Edward's pouty expression, still waiting for my kiss to continue. Denied… just for scaring me unnecessarily. I'd make it up to him later. "What are you doing here?"

"I… I wanted to wait," Edward said sheepishly. His face was so innocent and sweet, I fell just a tiny bit more.

"I'll be ready soon," I said, smiling as I tossed my files into my briefcase. Edward settled back onto the couch, observing me. There were times where he was just so intense it felt like he was reading my mind. But somehow, it didn't freak me out. It made me feel like we were on the same level… like we knew each other on a different kind of level than anyone else could ever understand us.

He was mine and I was his.

I felt a blush creep over my cheeks as I thought of this, especially when I thought about just how much I wanted him to be mine, fully and completely. And how I wanted it in return…

"'Kay, I'm ready," I said quietly, still blushing. When I looked up, Edward was grinning at me like he knew just where my mind had gone, making the flame inside me an inferno. When had he gotten so confident? When had he broken free of the shy, timid man I first met, and when did he become… some sort of insanely hot sex god who knew how to turn me on like a light switch?

He grinned and followed after me, and for some reason that gave me chills up and down my spine. We were alone in this huge office… every light was switched off and the janitors wouldn't be here for hours… But we couldn't… could we?

I bit my lip, thinking. Were there security cameras in here? Were there any stragglers I didn't see? Victoria might still in her office…

"They're all gone," Edward said huskily, his voice sounding just off my right shoulder, making me jump again, but this time for a totally different reason. Spikes of pleasure shot up and down my spine, and I turned to look at me. The only word I could use at the moment was _smoldering. _My heart was in my throat. "And I've taken the liberty of… uh… covering the cameras."

My mouth dropped open, looking over to see his jacket flipped over the lens. He spoke before I could ask how. "I came up from behind it," he said, shrugging, but the implication of his words were not lost on me, and by the way his eyes narrowed as he smiled, he knew I understood perfectly. I think I gulped out loud.

"Well that's… that's good…" I stammered. Edward took a step closer to me and my heart rate sped up. It felt like complete role reversal, but I was enjoying the hell out of this… Who know I would love it so much when he took control? His green eyes were practically jade by now, raking up and down me as he stepped closer. My breaths were coming out in pants.

I realized hazily that he had backed me up against his own desk… which happened to be surprisingly clean, probably for this very reason. Edward's arms went around me like a cage, resting on both sides of me on top the desk, and he leaned in close. I couldn't breathe by now.

"I've wanted you all day," he whispered into my ear. I fucking whimpered. "And I don't think I can wait until I get home."

"Oh God," I gasped, just before his hands found their way to the fly of my pants, unbuttoning them quickly and releasing my cock from my pants. He dotted a few kisses on my lips before kneeling in front of me, the whimpers and moans releasing from my throat without a second thought. He stroked me hard, looking up at me as he slowly engulfed the tip between his lips. "FUCK!" I shouted, my body already started to be wracked with tremors, knowing this wouldn't take too long. The look in his eyes, the way he had cornered me, the way anyone could walk in at any moment… I was already seconds away from explosion.

Edward was fast becoming an expert at this. I'd literally never gotten head like this ever before. His hands gripped what couldn't fit into his mouth, but he was a pro at sinking his mouth down around me, sucking down hard like a fucking porn star. I loved the look in his eyes as he sucked me off. Each and every time, it was a mixture of approval, adoration, lust, and what I could know identify as love. I could only hope my face reflected the same as I looked up at him when our roles were reversed.

I ran my fingers through his unruly hair, guiding him lightly, not that he needed my help. His mouth bobbed up and down my cock as one hand twisted around the base. The other hand found its way to my balls, squeezing lightly.

"Fuck! Shit!" I moaned as I felt my cock pulse in his mouth. With one last greedy suck, I spilled down Edward's throat, groaning as he swallowed around me, getting every drop. He released me with a pop and a shit eating grin, standing again as he cupped my face to kiss me. I moaned as I tasted myself in his mouth, secretly loving it.

Edward pulled away, his hands working on my pants to zip me back up. The look in his eyes had been replaced to one of tenderness, and my heart melted. My God, what this man did to me. I couldn't even fathom another day without him. The mere idea was pure torture.

"We'll have to go out the back way if we want to uncover it and not get caught," Edward said, and I had to laugh. Always thinking, my boyfriend. "And I really don't want to get caught." There again was a flash of that innocent man again. I loved how the two of them could coexist together.

"You're right," I said, stroking his cheek with my thumb and leaning forward to kiss him again. I made sure my clothes were straightened, just in case, and then took his hand as we took the back way out of the office, Edward grabbing his coat carefully as we walked past. No harm, no foul.

As we walked down to the elevator, free to hold hands for once, Edward's pocket buzzed. "Oh shit," he whispered, and immediately dropped my hand like it were made of hot coals. I tried not to be hurt as he flipped open his phone with a guilty expression on his face. "Hello?" He was quiet then.

I lowered my head and pressed the button for the elevator. Edward and I had driven in separately since I had an early morning, so we'd have to drive back apart, so I pressed two buttons for the two different levels when we stepped inside.

Edward kept mumbling into the phone, so low I really couldn't understand him. But he sounded upset, like it was something he might not want to discuss right away. I sighed. Would anything ever be simple with us? I liked it just the way it was… well… not just. There was still plenty more I was dying for. But I could be content with this for now. Still, I felt like there were roadblocks in our way neither one of us could anticipate.

And I was right. Moments later, Edward was flipping closed his phone and I could see that his jaw was tight. It was sexy as hell to see, but I didn't like the look in his eyes that went along with it. Something wasn't right.

"That was my father," he growled. My mouth formed a little "oh" of understanding. We'd never talked about it, but I was fairly certain that it was a touchy subject with him. I got the impression his parents wouldn't be as supportive as mine.

"Yeah?" I said carefully.

"They want me to come to their place for dinner. And they asked me to bring you."

I did a double take. "Why?!"

Edward laughed bitterly. "I think my dad wants your advice or some shit and he's trying to get the inside track. Someone's trying to sue him again."

"I don't defend medical malpractice," I said, but Edward interrupted anything else I'd want to say.

"No, no, that's not why," he said, something akin to hysterical laughter in his voice. "Some woman's trying to slap him with child support for her kid. Says it's his. And old Carlisle Cullen's having none of that."

Oh.

**A/N II: I expect you'll have a few things to say to me now... Hit the review button and lay it on me. ;-)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: You may hate this for me. You may love me for it. I don't know. Just please, remember that people are deeply flawed and sometimes selfish, but this is my fic we're talking about, so know there'll be a happy ending for everyone. Except maybe Carlisle. Not sure yet. Haha! Be kind and trust me, OK?**

**Hugs and kisses to my new beta, tuleangel, who really is an angel for helping me. Love ya! And this chapter is for larin20, because she is nothing if not persistent when it came to this chapter. *mwah!* **

**Disclaimer: This entire chapter should prove to you that I'm not SM.**

**EPOV**

I was on some sort of high. I knew that it had to all be too good… like it would all blow up in my face as soon as I looked the other way… but shit, I felt good.

Jasper and I practically lived together now so I never slept alone. It was the most amazing feeling ever to wake up beside him; this was completely ignoring the fact that we always woke up with morning wood together, and that, my dear friends, was a beautiful thing.

I shifted at my desk at the mere memory. Jasper was in his office with Ice Queen McGee again, and I was sick to death of staring at my computer screen. I let my mind drift to our early morning wakeup. We set our alarm for forty-five minutes early now, just so we could have time to kiss and fool around before we had to get ready for work, during which time we would kiss and fool around some more. We were always almost late to work every morning, and the rumors flew around the office at warp speed.

I couldn't bring myself to care, not anymore. I felt lighter and freer than I ever had been in my life. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once, because as high as I felt, I knew it couldn't stay this good for this long. It wasn't normal, this wave of good and wonderful and whatever. I was new to this whole "everything in my life is going right" thing, and I recognized that it wasn't natural to continue. I knew my dad's ordeal was going to make life hell in awhile, and as strange as it sounded, I hoped it would. That way things with Jasper could stay the same.

It didn't escape my notice that Emmett seemed happier as well. To my extreme surprise, he was less of a pain in the ass now. Bella suited him well, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't muster a single ounce of jealousy. It was nice to see him smile and know it wasn't because he was sending me a dirty email. Those had long since gone, and I was grateful. I blushed enough at my desk nowadays just thinking about Jasper, I didn't need any more help.

An email popped up in my inbox, and I clicked on it hesitantly. It was from my father, and Lord knew that could never be a good sign.

_Hello Edward,_

_ Your mother has arranged a dinner on Friday evening at 7 pm. Please bring Mr. Whitlock._

_ -Carlisle Cullen, M.D. _

I cursed the day my father got offered a job in Seattle and followed me out west. I knew it had nothing to do with me. My parents were stereotypical WASPS through and through, and money meant more to them than they cared to admit. I knew that was the solo reason for their move; the six-figure salary the hospital threw at him. I saw and spoke to them just as much as if they'd stayed in Chicago where they belonged.

I shut my inbox with a sigh and closed my eyes. The son in me wanted to believe that my father would stop cheating on my mother and that this issue would never come up again. The pragmatic side of me knew that he had and was most likely fathering another child with one of his nurses; this couldn't end pretty.

I figured if my parents ever found out that I was gay and in a relationship with Jasper, I'd be able to say "You know, you met him when he got you out of another sex scandal, Dad," and then they'd have to shut their mouth. It was nice, using blackmail against my father, but a comfort nevertheless. My luck, they'd still disown me, but at least it wouldn't be public. My parents valued image over all else. A gay son is bad, but an openly gay and disowned son was worse. I was counting on their supposedly sterling record.

Another email appeared in my inbox, but this one was from Jasper. I smiled as I read the message.

_This might be kind of out of order, but will you go out with me sometime? Love you, J. P.S. Please rescue me. The White Witch from Narnia is killing me._

I stifled my laughter. His client certainly was… interesting to say the least. She was the kind of woman Donald Trump would go for: no nonsense, way too into herself, and looked like she'd snap off your dick should she ever get too close.

With the last thought, of course, I got to thinking about Jasper being near MY dick, and then I had to sigh and shift in my seat. Goddamn it. I'd never gotten an erection at work in my life… until I met Jasper. Now it was constant, especially when you factor in that I'd given him head pretty much exactly where I sat now.

The memory flashed graphically in front of my eyes, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut and stifle a moan. He tasted so fucking good and the look on his face when he came…

Fuck.

I answered the email quickly.

_I don't have the proper assistance from Aslan and Mr. Tumnus, but I'm sure the White Witch will let you out of her clutches soon. And yes. Name the day. I love you too, E._

I was thoroughly excited about the idea of me and Jasper behaving like a normal couple; going out to a movie and dinner together. My attitudes towards my sexuality had changed significantly since being with Jasper. I was learning it was less about labeling and more to do with love. How could I ever be ashamed of who I loved?

Emmett cleared his throat behind me. "Buddy, did you hear me?" he said, a wrinkle of concern on his forehead which quickly disappeared as he took in what had to be the cheesiest grin on earth stretched across my face. "Guess not."

"Sorry," I said, attempting to wipe the stupid grin off my face, knowing I was blushing.

He smiled. "It's OK dude, I was just wondering if you could cover for me tomorrow for awhile, I've gotta take Bella to the doctor." He looked down sheepishly as he said her name, like he wasn't supposed to bring her up.

"She's not Voldemort, you know," I said with a small smile, which he returned with what looked like relief. "Of course I can. Is she OK?" Panic hammered in my veins. I definitely still cared.

"Well, I mean I hope so, she seems to have some sort of stomach bug; we're not sure."

That was odd. I'd been with Bella a long time, and I barely remembered her getting sick. The girl had an immunity system made of steel.

I nodded. "Let me know, OK?"

"Of course," he agreed, still looking a little nervous. "Can I… never mind."

"What?" I asked. He was looking slightly sweaty.

"It's nothing… or at least nothing I think I can talk about," he stammered, and he paled slightly.

"O… kay," I said, taking him in. I was scared he was going to ask me about sex or something, and that was entirely too awkward to contemplate, no matter now good ex-newbie relations were.

"Just… never mind," he said, and literally wiped the sweat off his upper lip. I watched in fascination, it was like some sort of self destruction of a man in front of my eyes… or at least the mild breakdown. He was white as a ghost and glowing… with sweat.

"Do you think something's really wrong?" I asked, suddenly panicked. My heart pounded as my mind raced with potential problems, my basic instinct to take care of Bella kicking in, even if I had sort of given up my right to care when I cheated on her. I cringed internally, still hating myself for that. It was wrong, no matter how I felt about Jasper or how drunk I was.

"I'm not sure," he said, and I could feel the fear radiating off of him. "She's not good… She's always sick, always tired… I've never seen anything like it; she's not like sick with a cold…"

A jolt of fear went through me, but I dismissed it. It couldn't be what I thought it was… that was simply impossible. It had been weeks, more than a month…

"Well, I need to get back to work," Emmett said, and I nodded tersely, a tight fear gripping around my heart. My dad was a doctor; I wasn't totally ignorant on medical issues. It had to be… but it couldn't be…

I was distracted the entire way home. Jasper greeted me with a smile and a kiss when we met by the car we'd driven into work together, but my mind was everywhere but present. I kept counting back the days, trying to calculate if my hypothesis was right or not. I felt sick. I had the enormous urge to call Bella and see if she could calm my fears, but something told me that wasn't the case.

"Hey," Jasper said softly, nudging my elbow a little as I drove back home. There was a lump in my throat, I realized, and I gulped.

"Yeah?"

"You're far away… please let me in."

I looked over, and the look on his face was heartbreaking. He was worried; I could see it in his beautiful blue eyes. I sighed, "Bella has to see the doctor. Emmett was worried, and now I'm worried."

Jasper frowned and I could see him turn to look out the window as Puget Sound flew by. "Does he know what's wrong?"

"No. I think he suspects something… and I do too."

"What?" Jasper asked, turning back to me. "Does she have a history of illness? Is there something in her family history or anything?"

"No… I think…," I let out a heavy and shaky breath, "I think she might be pregnant."

Jasper audibly gasped, and I was glad when I had to turn off the exit towards our apartment building, because I wasn't going to be able to drive much further without completely breaking down. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm not sure," I snapped. "I mean… I'm sorry baby, I'm just freaking out right now. I'm not sure… I mean, it's possible… it's mine."

Jasper was silent, but from out of the corner of my eye, I could see his chest start to heave with heavy breaths. Normally I found that sexy. Now… it terrified me. Was he about to yell? Freak out? Turn into the Hulk?

Even my own stupid form of humor couldn't amuse me now. I was too far gone. I felt hysterical; now both afraid that I was right and of what Jasper was going to say. He wasn't saying anything now… and that frightened me a little. I pulled into my designated parking space, and we walked to his place without another word. We spent most of the time in his place, since he was already unpacked and settled… and his bed was just big enough to support more than one, uh, wrestling match.

Jasper unlocked the door silently, and the tension was thick between us. I didn't know if I should say anything or not. This was just me, speculating. For all I knew, it was some random stomach flu that was going around that she had caught. His intense quietness was scaring me.

"What do you want for dinner?" he growled as he threw open the refrigerator door. Was it wrong that I was entirely aroused by the tone of his voice?

"Um… we have those leftovers from last night…" I said, though my mind was nowhere near food, now for two reasons. Besides, I didn't feel like a second night of MSG soaked noodles and fried broccoli.

Jasper slammed the fridge so hard the magnets fell on the floor. "Do you think it's true? Could she be pregnant? With your baby?" His voice had lost some of its edge but it was still low and it made me want to lick him.

"I don't know," I said, gripping to the edges of the counter. "It's been so long, but if she missed the warning signs… it's possible if she's a month or so along…"

"So it might be Emmett's too then?" he said, but it was less of a question and more of a statement.

"I have no idea," I said, and while I thought it might have been possible, I had no idea. It's not like its appropriate water cooler conversation. "_So Emmett… how's sex with my ex? Jasper is FANTASTIC_…"

Although I didn't know that totally just yet…

_Focus, dammit! _

Jasper took an unsteady breath, and looked at me. I couldn't stand it when he looked at me that way, all intense and slightly hooded, it made my heart drop into my stomach in the most delicious ways. I couldn't breathe when he looked at me that way. He took a step towards me, and instinct made me take a step back. I backed into the bar stool behind me and it skidded with me. I didn't understand his behavior, and it made me nervous. It also turned me the fuck on.

He nodded once. "We'll have to just wait and see then, I guess." But his face looked like he wasn't done talking. I hoped that was a good thing, but I couldn't help the little thrill around my heart as I looked at him. Then he said "She got you, and I haven't yet," and my heart stopped. Was THAT what he was driving at?

"Um… well, I mean… we were together a long time…" I stammered. Jasper took another step towards me and a spear of pure lust shot through me. This wasn't about suspected pregnancies anymore. It wasn't about if I was going to be a father or not… this was about him and me, and the fact that we had never been together. I was breathless.

"Do you have any idea," Jasper started, running his hand over the marble countertops, watching himself move, like he was trying to calm himself or something, "how badly I want to know how you feel around me? How you feel deep inside me? How many times I've envisioned it? I know it's stupid… but I'm fucking jealous right now."

Brain dead.

"And now…," he continued with a smirk, "Now it's all I can think about. You cumming above me, filling me, feeling you inside me…" He drifted off and looked at me. I'm sure I looked like an idiot, my mouth falling open and then snapping shut before dropping again, over and over, as I tried to analyze the words he'd just spoken. They were so raw, so sexual, and so fucking erotic. I was panting for air, and I realized that I was sitting now, on the stool I'd pushed behind me, looking up at him with hazy vision.

"Jasper," I breathed. And then I couldn't say anymore.

"Edward," he said in the huskiest voice I'd ever heard, "I need you." Then his mouth was on mine, hard and hot and fast, and my tongue was plunging into his mouth. His hands were gripping my face like he was afraid I'd pull away, and I was clinging to him like he was going to disappear from my arms at any moment.

"Oh God," I moaned, as he dragged me to the bedroom, still kissing fiercely, knocking over God knows what as we stumbled around blindly, hands flying as clothes were ripped off and away. My fingers dragged down his abdomen, reaching for his freed cock, which was already hard and oozing precum for me. I was equally as excited, and I groaned loudly as he gripped mine in return, pumping me slowly as he guided me onto the bed. My head hit the pillows and I stared up at him, reaching for him even as I gasped at the look in his eyes. This was going to happen. Now.

He rolled me over, so that he was on his back now with me hovering over him, our hardened cocks grinding against each other as we looked into each other's eyes.

"I need you," Jasper whispered. "Please make love to me Edward. I need to feel you." He whimpered as he pulled me closer, our lips fighting hungrily against each others, his soft bottom lip between mine. I bit at it softly, and he groaned.

"Are you sure?" I breathed against his lips, grazing his nipples with my thumbs, and he hissed out his approval. I was terrified. As much as I was horribly aroused, I'd never been this way with him before, and I couldn't help but think about what a huge step this was.

"Positive," he moaned, cupping my balls and squeezing gently. My face buried itself in his neck, groaning loudly. "I need you Edward, I just do."

I nipped at his neck as I pulled back. There was nothing but sincerity in his eyes, and I gulped, because suddenly I knew I was ready. My cock was screaming at me, of course I was more than ready for him. "Condoms?" I gasped.

"Condoms and lube…," he emphasized the last word, "are on the top shelf in my medicine cabinet." I wondered why they were so far from the bed, and I tried not to be hurt that he never planned ahead for this with me, but I tried not to think about it. Maybe he was trying not to push me. I scrambled up from the bed, which was a difficult task considering the state of things between my legs, and hobbled to the bathroom, fishing out the appropriate items.

"Fuck, Jasper, you've got a lot in here…" I said, looking at the choices.

"Um… I like to be prepared," he said sheepishly, and I had to laugh. "I was just hoping that this would happen for awhile now, so…" My heart melted away and my cock hardened that much more. Fuck, I wasn't going to need any more foreplay; I was going to lose it if I wasn't careful.

I walked back to the bed a little more gingerly then before, since my hard on was now pushing well past insanely painful, supplies in hand, and grinned at him as he looked sexily up at me. "God, I always want you in my bed… or rather, to be in yours or…" I couldn't get out the right sentiment, my thoughts were too tangled.

He chuckled softly and pulled me to him again, my fingers weaving through his honey hair. My heart was thundering in my chest, and I could feel his blood pumping through his veins too as my hand brushed against his pulse point. I wanted to tell him everything in that moment; so many things, so many feelings were rushing through me, and I wanted to be terrified, but I also knew nothing could ever be more right. So I just kept kissing him, the buildup becoming more and more painful as my body ached for release.

I pulled back to grab a condom, and Jasper helped me roll it on. When his hand touched me, I groaned out loud. How on Earth was I ever going to last long like this? He pumped me hard once in his firm grasp, and I nearly lost it. "Stop!" I hissed. "I can't… we need to slow down or this will never happen."

"Baby…" he said softly, cupping my face and kissing me gently. "It's OK, we'll slow down… there's no way I'm going to rush this." He guided my hand to his entrance. "Touch me," he said huskily, and pressed my fingers against him, gripping my wrist tightly. Though he had a cool exterior, I could tell he was just as anxious as I was which was odd, because I already knew this wasn't his first time. But then, this was _our _first time. And somehow I knew this held great gravity with both of us.

I pushed into him slowly with my fingers, and he groaned, throwing back his head and muttering something that sounded like, "Ohmifuckkkkjeeznshiiii!" He bucked against my hand. "Fuck, Edward, I need more…" He fumbled for the bottle of lube next to him on the nightstand, pouring some on my fingers, then pressing them back to his ass. "Please." I'd never seen him so desperate before, and suddenly my body was matching his desperation, filling him with my fingers. He was so fucking tight; I knew I'd have difficulty keeping myself together when I was finally inside him. I continued to stretch him, prepare him for me, and I watched in fascination and lust as he whimpered and moaned, pushing himself down on my fingers, silently begging for more.

"I need… your cock…" he gasped. "Please Edward…" My pride, and my dick, swelled with the desperation in his tone; the sheer fact that he needed me. "Fuck me please!" He bit his lip, his eyes wild with lust now. Every muscle in his body was taut; his hands gripping me so tightly I thought it might bruise. I didn't need any further begging. I rubbed extra lube on my condom-covered cock and on his ass again, just to be certain, and then I leaned forward. My breath hitched as the tip of my cock pressed against his entrance, and he let out the sexiest moan I had ever heard. "Now baby!" he commanded, and I eased myself into him.

It was like nothing I'd ever felt. I'd taken Bella's virginity when we were eighteen, and she'd been tight too, in fact, so tight I was embarrassingly a two-pump chump the first time. We'd never explored this before, and the way Jasper was gripping around me now was unlike anything else in this world. I gasped and gulped and choked as I fought off my orgasm, and Jasper kept shouting out profanities like you wouldn't believe… at first I thought it was because I was hurting him, but the way he gripped my ass to make sure I kept going assured me that was not the case. When I was fully seated inside him, I looked down at his face.

His eyes were hooded and dark, and he was panting. "Please, keep going," he said, running his finger through my hair and pulling me forward into a deep kiss. He shifted, bringing his legs around me, making him even tighter around my cock.

"Shit!" I cried out, squeezing my eyes shut, freezing in an attempt to keep myself from cumming. "Baby, you're so fucking tight," I whimpered.

He groaned, "It's been awhile…" I didn't even want to think about anyone else being with my boyfriend, so I brushed it aside and nodded once before easing out and thrusting in again, again and again, instinct kicking in. Jasper's cock was hard between us, and he began pumping it in time with my thrusts.

"Oh fuck, baby, keep doing that," I moaned, loving the way he touched himself. "Just imagine being inside me like this someday, your cock deep in me…" I didn't know where my words were coming from, but I couldn't stop them. Jasper groaned even louder than before, and his hand moved even faster, so I knew he didn't mind either.

"Fuck me," he moaned.

"I am," I said in a voice so low and husky I had no idea it was possible; I moved even faster.

"Shit, baby, I'm going to cum… NOW!" Jasper shouted, and he was true to his word as he came hard all over his stomach and hand. His body tightened around mine, and before I could stop it, I was cumming so hard inside him I was seeing stars, his name coming out in a jumble of sounds and grunts before I collapsed on top of him.

Jasper kissed my shoulder softly, and I pulled out of him, discarding the condom before looking down at him. He'd taken the time to wipe off his stomach and hand with the sheet, and part of me was sad, wanting to lap up every drop, but I contented myself to spoon him in my arms, nuzzling his neck.

"Holy shit Jasper that was…" I couldn't even finish my sentence, his lips were on mine insistently, and we kissed like that for I don't even know how long. We finally pulled back to get the necessary oxygen our lungs were screaming for, and I stroked his cheek. "That was perfect," I said, finally finding the right word.

He grinned at me. "I love you," he responded, and I repeated the words back with tears in my eyes. This was all I needed. He was everything. No matter what… he was It.

**BPOV**

He was going to kill me.

I didn't even know who the "he" was in that sentence… Emmett, Edward… it was all the same. They'd BOTH kill me if it was true. I held the pregnancy test in my hand, disbelieving. Why did the damn thing have to have a fucking smiley face on it? Was I supposed to be happy about this?

I pulled my knees tighter to me and stared at the wall. Alice wouldn't be home all day, and Emmett was picking me up at eleven so we could have lunch before my appointment. But the doctor wasn't going to tell me anything I didn't know already. I was pregnant.

With Edward's baby.

I let that sink in for a minute, a sickening feeling going through my body. No. No no no no no no no. It couldn't be; it can't be…

It was. Three hours later, Emmett stood by my side, gripping my hand tightly as the doctor gave me "the good news." I was expecting; how wonderful, how joyous, how happy we must be! I felt like throwing up. So I did, all over the OB/GYN's shoes. I felt bad, but only for a split second. She'd get over it. This… this was my entire fucking life we were talking about. Pregnant with my gay ex's baby.

Emmett was braver than me, God love him. I was numb from head to toe; I couldn't feel or hear anything properly. Two words kept bouncing through my brain. "You're pregnant, you're pregnant, you're _pregnant._" I felt like screaming.

"Bella, baby?" Emmett's voice was soft as his arm wrapped around my waist as we walked out of the office and to the car. "Baby?" I finally snapped out of my daze and looked up at him. He looked worried, but it wasn't a selfish worry. For some reason, I could tell the difference. "You're scaring me baby; tell me what you're thinking."

"It isn't yours," I blurted out, even though it was a fairly obvious statement. Emmett and I weren't at that level yet, as desperately as I needed him. And now I doubted we ever would be. That thought alone had me reeling. "Oh God…" Then the tears started to flow and I was buried in his arms where I belonged.

And now he wouldn't want me. Who in the hell stays with their girlfriend, their new girlfriend they'd never even slept with yet, when she was pregnant with another man's child? It was over before it had really begun, and the abyss I felt myself falling into was overwhelming, so much so that I had to pull back, gasping for air.

But he wouldn't let me go. His arms slipped around me again, and he stroked my hair and he whispered "Shh, it's OK… It's OK…"

"How in the hell is it OK?!" I asked, pushing back again. "It's not OK and it never will be!" A feral, primitive sound ripped out of my throat as I realized just how bad this was. It was a good thing I was already sitting in the front seat of Emmett's Jeep or I would have sunken to my knees. "You're going to leave me, Edward won't care, and I'm going to have a baby all alone…" Fat hot tears spilled down my cheeks.

Emmett sat there quietly as the tears kept coming, staring blankly ahead of him. "You really think that?" he finally said in a low, curt voice. "You _really _think that?"

His tone hurt. Another blow for Bella today.

"You think I'm like that? That I would just abandon the woman I love?" He sounded dejected. "I can't believe you'd think so low of me Bella; as hard as it was to hear that just now… this hurts even worse." He shook his head, still staring forward out the foggy window. It was raining hard against the glass, and the drops left little thundering sounds on the roof.

I stared at his profile for a long time. "You mean…" I tried to wrap my brain around the idea. "You mean you're going to stay?"

He turned towards me quickly, startling me. "Of course I'm going to stay!" he exclaimed, and I winced despite myself. His face softened immediately. "How could I ever leave you Bella?"

"Because," I repeated dumbly. "It's not yours."

"Do you think that really matters to me? I know it's not. Fuck Bella, do you have ANY idea how hard it is for me to think your child isn't mine too? How many times I've thought of this-" He stopped abruptly and blushed.

"What?" I asked softly, eyes wide even as tears continued to drip down my face and neck. "Emmett please, tell me."

He shut his eyes and sighed. "I want a family with you Bella. I want you to be pregnant with my baby, make something that's just yours and mine. I know it's soon but… I love you. The thought has occurred to me a few times." He smiled sheepishly. "But please… don't ever think that this baby will mean any less to me." He then shocked the hell out of me, rubbing his palm over my still-flat stomach. "This baby is a part of you and I love every part of you." He leaned forward to kiss me softly, and I was too dumbfounded to kiss him back.

"But… but…," I sputtered, "Are you _sure?_"

He chuckled. "Positively."

My mouth fell open, still unsure. I wanted to believe him. Every cell in my body ached to believe that it was true. But I watched the Maury show. Sometimes; when I was bored and making lunch, or when there wasn't anything better on TV. I only when they played paternity tests and lie detector tests. Alright, fine, I watched it every goddamn day and I wasn't an idiot. I knew that every baby daddy promised he'd be there right before he started cheating with the skanky woman with lacy panties I'd find on my ceiling fan the next morning, and Emmett wasn't even the baby daddy… Shame swelled through me.

"It's so unfair," I whispered, "So incredibly fucking unfair."

"No one ever said it was," Emmett said, cradling my head against his chest as another torrent of tears started to flow. "But I'm here. I really am. I can tell you don't believe me, but baby, I'm here. Every fucking day, I'll be there; weird cravings, false labor, that time period when you get really horny…" He paused, waiting for the laughter that never came. He stroked my hair. "I'll prove it to you baby, every single day. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

I squeezed my eyes shut and shot a prayer to God that he wasn't lying to me; I couldn't take it if he were. Emmett held me for an unfathomable time, the rain waning and then pounding the roof, until it almost sounded like waves on the car. My tears subsided until I was hiccupping and shivering in his arms. It was cold inside his car, even with his warm body wrapped around mine. I pulled back and brushed my fingers over the wet patch on his shirt. Actually, wet patch was an understatement. His shirt was ruined with tears and snot. "I'm sorry," I whispered, less about the shirt than anything else.

"Nothing to be sorry about," he whispered back, still rubbing my back in slow circles. I finally looked up into his eyes, and saw that he was crying too. Wow. I didn't expect that one.

He sniffed and used the back of his sleeve to wipe them away quickly. "Um… home. We need to get you home…" he said, and started the car, putting the heat and defroster on high, the car roaring. He snapped the radio off, the music blaring too loudly now.

"Don't take me to Alice's," I said suddenly. "I can't deal with explaining it to her too. Not today."

He nodded. "Do you need anything there though? Night gown? Medicine?"

I laughed somewhat bitterly. "The only medicine I took was birth control and you saw how well that worked out." He'd held my hand through my entire sonogram. The picture was still in my purse beside the vitamins she'd given me. I felt like I should have been happier when I saw my baby for the first time, and it ached inside me. Subconsciously, I lifted my hand to my stomach.

Emmett didn't say anything but pointed the car to his place, parking out front. He was there in an instant to take my hand as we ducked out of the rain together, and helped me take off my jacket. "Lemme get you something to drink," he muttered, and went to the kitchen as I slumped on his couch. I rubbed my stomach again, as if it would make this seem more real. It didn't.

I didn't even notice Emmett had come back until he waved a bottle of water in front of my face. "Can I get you anything else?" he asked. "Are you hungry?"

"Hold me," I said, and he was on the couch and pulling me into his arms in the next instant. Normally, I would have felt a bolt of lust and the aching need to straddle him, but nothing. Not now. I just needed to know he was there, tangible and close. He smelled like Old Spice and it made butterflies in my stomach just a little, because face it, no matter what, I'd always be attracted to him. Even now. "I don't know what to do," I mumbled into his chest.

He gathered me into his arms fully, so I was sitting on his lap with my legs curled around his. "A day at time baby, that's all we can do," he said finally. "Today, we let it sink in. Tomorrow we work on the big stuff." My heart trembled as he said "we." I had to believe he was going to stay. Otherwise, I didn't know what would happen.

"A day at a time," I repeated, and it felt better somehow.

**A/N II: Deeeeeeeep breaths. In and out.... Be nice to me!!!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I know it's been awhile... but life happens and I'm afraid there's not much you can do about it. But I hope it was worth the wait for you!**

**Thanks to tuleangel for being my beta. :-) Love ya girl!**

**Disclaimer: SM would never stand for this shit. So clearly I am not her. *laughs***

**EmPOV**

I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to throw myself a giant pity party. But I couldn't.

Bella needed me more and if anyone deserved to throw herself a pity party, it was her.

I held her as we slept in my bed, and normally that would have been a cause for excitement; but not now, not today. I had awoken to find her shivering and whimpering next to me in bed, and not in a good way. I rolled her over, trying to wake her, trying to comfort her, but all I could see were the tears in her eyes, and hear the mumbled cries escaping her throat. I held her close, stroked her hair, and told myself not to cry right along with her.

Was I jealous? Yes. I couldn't deny that. It was some sort of evolutionary, involuntary emotion that made a small part of me angry that this child, the living thing inside the woman I loved, wasn't mine. I mean, there was no way it was mine, we'd never gone past third base, and even then, there were no fluids…um…exchanged. No. I sighed softly. Not mine.

Was I angry? A little, but not with Bella. She'd had no idea her boyfriend was gay. Said boyfriend apparently thought that since he liked boys and not girls, that his sperm held no power and continued to lead her on, a continuation of a lie. Yeah. That pissed me off a lot. Selfish bastard.

Was I going to knock my fist through his mouth on Monday morning when I got my hands on him? No. I needed that job, because now I needed to help support Bella and that baby inside her. Whether she knew it or not, that child was going to be like my own. I'd be with her every single day, for forever if she'd let me. And that baby would be so loved by me…

My father wasn't there for me but I sure as shit was going to be there for this baby, DNA be damned.

I loved Bella, deep down to my very soul. I needed her. I had to have her in my life and I'd do anything to prove it to her. It killed me that she doubted me, but then I was sure that she also believed Edward when he said he loved her and would always be there. Considering how that had turned out, I didn't blame her for her hesitancy. If it were any other woman, I'd probably be the bastard she expected me to turn out to be. I was sure I'd have the urge to drop and run at some point during all of this, but it wasn't in my nature to give up; I was far too optimistic for that.

Bella moaned in her sleep and I pulled her tighter to me. Her legs tangled with mine and I felt a little better. She still, even subconsciously, wanted to be connected to me. Or at least, that's what I hoped it meant. I hadn't exactly aced my psychology classes in community college, but I got the general gist of the action. I wanted to be close to her, as close as physically possible. It killed me that we still hadn't had sex. But that had to be the furthest thing from my mind now. Her needs far outweighed my own now.

I drifted off to sleep until Bella's ringtone went off, approximately six hours later. I surmised very quickly that it was Alice, because the song was way too chirpy and happy for most other people in this world. God love Alice for it, too. Bella needed all of the friendship and understanding that she could get these days.

Bella extracted herself from my arms, and I felt so cold without her. Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. Every second I spent away from her, felt like a moment she could pull away from me. I had to watch myself on that one. I didn't want to be the lost puppy. I wanted to be… well… stupid, selfishly, I wanted to be the hero.

"'lo?" she answered sleepily. Her throat sounded foggy from all of her crying. "Hey Alice… yes… no… I'm fine… yes… I'm sure… no, he's right here… Alice, for fuck sake…"

I chuckled quietly, and she turned her head to give me the barest of smiles. It made me heart leap in my chest. It was a start, and that's what we needed. Bella continued to argue into the phone for a few more minutes, assuring Alice everything was OK and that she shouldn't feel guilty about letting Rosalie spend the night since she wasn't there anyway. I'm ashamed… or maybe not, I'm not quite sure… to admit that that got the old creative juices flowing and I thought a little too long about the idea of a sleepover in Bella's apartment. I shook my head to get the thoughts out of my head. A few seconds later, Bella was hanging up the phone and smacking my arm.

"Don't think I don't know what you were just drooling over, mister," she said, and she had such a big, teasing grin on her face, I didn't have the heart to deny it. She'd know I was lying anyway. Really, who could blame me?

I grinned back at her. "Sorry…" She smacked my arm again, and then leaned forward to kiss me softly. My heart fucking exploded. I'd lain awake last night afraid she'd never touch me like that ever again. It was the single most painful thing I could think of; that her love would somehow die for me.

Her lips never left mine as she pulled me closer to her, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck, winding her fingers through my hair. I couldn't help my reaction to her, it was simply instinctual. I pulled her closer to me, until she was straddling my hips, our tongues now playing together, tiny whimpers escaping her throat every few minutes. I couldn't stop. This was too essential, much more important than breathing now. She ground against me a little, and I let out a little strangled moan. I'd have to stop this soon, I knew that. Did I want to? Hell no. Did I have to? I hated that the answer was still yes.

I softened the kisses, trying to slow things down, because to be perfectly honest my body was reacting in ways that were wholly inappropriate when it came to a woman who'd just found out she was pregnant with her ex's baby.

"Emmett," she mumbled against my lips, never actually letting the contact between us cease. "I need you."

I groaned, because it felt so damn right to hear it from her and God I ached for her. My brain kept screaming at me. _Not yet, not yet…_

"Bella-"

"Please Emmett," she said, more desperately now. Her hands started to tug on my shirt, trying to get it up over my head. "Please, please…"

It fucking broke my heart to realize she was starting to sob as she said "please" over and over. I eased her away from me, enough so that I could look into her eyes. They were bloodshot.

"Oh Emmett," she sobbed, looking me in the eye. She was silent for a long moment, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I can't do this."

My heart stopped beating. "What?"

"I can't… you don't deserve this…" she sighed heavily. "I'm going to keep this baby and I can't ask you to stay."

I wanted to suggest something, anything, but I couldn't form the words. Her eyes were determined. For whatever reason, this baby wasn't going to an adoption agency or an abortion clinic. She was going to have it. After all, wasn't that her right to choose just that? And she was choosing this baby.

"Don't ask me to leave," I whispered. "I can't. I can't leave you. You're everything."

"I can't ask you to be the father of a baby that isn't yours. We haven't even had sex Emmett, you're not tied to me and you can leave before I can hurt you. You say you won't leave now, but you might-"

I covered her lips with my fingertips. "You're killing me Bella," I said, my voice raw. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with a pounding heart above my head that was quickly shattering into a million pieces. "I can't leave you, why can't you see that?"

"I love you," she whispered, and for some reason that just made the pain worse. "But I won't be the reason you're unhappy."

"But I'm not-"

"You WILL."

"Stop interrupting me!" I shouted, louder than I'd intended to. I winced when she flinched. "I LOVE YOU! Why don't you see that? Why don't you understand I'd rather die than leave you? I can't live without you." I'd never said anything in my life with more conviction. "I don't care that we've never had sex, or that this child isn't mine. My heart isn't mine anymore. It's yours. And right now, what you're doing… it's crushing it. Don't shut me out. I know you're trying to protect yourself… I get that." I ran my fingers desperately through my hair. If I had been standing, I would have started pacing. "But have faith in me. Please." I felt the tears prick in my eyes. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

Her jaw dropped, and more tears rolled down her face, but she didn't look as angry and defensive as she had before. I dared to reach out to hold her hand in mine, and she didn't stop me. I stroked the back of her hand with the pad of my thumb, and I felt her silky skin under my hand. I couldn't live without this hand. Even if it was wrinkled and arthritic and had poor circulation, I'd still love the person attached to it. She had to know that.

I know I'd be slapped upside the head of every single man in the world right about now. But I didn't care. I couldn't care. She was the only thing I cared about.

We sat there, holding hands, my thumb rubbing circles on the top of her hand, thinking about the ring I hoped I'd be able to place there someday. Neither of us said anything. The only sounds were traffic and birds out the window, and the sound of my thudding heartbeat pounding in my ears. I was barely breathing. It was like I was waiting for an answer. My body was tense.

"Do you want some breakfast?" she finally said, in a tiny voice. But in those few words, it held a tiny flicker of hope. Like maybe this wouldn't be over. Like maybe she'd decided to let me in, let me stay, let me love her.

I nodded. "What do you want?"

"Not eggs," she said with an adorable wrinkle in her nose. "They make me sick."

I kissed her softly, cupping her face, her other hand still in mine. It gave me hope that she didn't pull away. "Alright baby," I said. "Cereal?"

"I just want some fruit and toast, I think," she said. "This morning sickness thing has been killing me."

I frowned. I hated anything that hurt her. I held out my hand to her, and felt relieved when she took it. "Let's see if we can't make it better, OK baby?"

I meant that as symbolically as I did literally.

**BPOV**

I was a raw bundle of nerves. I was terrified Emmett was going to realize this was all a mistake, turn tail and run, like he probably should have, but instead, he was staying. He was fighting for me. No one had ever fought for me in my life. Edward certainly hadn't.

I'd nearly died when I told Emmett to go, but by the time he was done with his impassioned plea for me, I'd lost the will to ask him to go. It was selfish, and I knew I could get hurt in the end, but I didn't have it in me to make him go again. I truly believed he loved me, and the look in his eyes asked me to trust him. And God help me, I did.

And now I stared at my cell phone, willing myself to make the one phone call I knew would change everything. I knew it had to be done. The father has every right to know about his offspring, right? So why couldn't I push the damn buttons to make it happen? If I felt this afraid to tell my gay ex, how in the fuck was I ever going to tell my folks? Oh God, Charlie was going to murder Edward. He still had no idea we'd even broken up and I was pretty sure Emmett was going to get on the shit list too just because he existed.

I slid my head into my hands and sighed loudly. What in the hell was I going to do? Dial. That's all I needed to do right now. The buttons were right there with Edward's number right there. That's the first step…

Emmett came into the room, looking sweet and sexy and wonderfully concerned for me. I couldn't pull away now; I needed this man. He came and sat next to me on the bed and took my hand into his. That simple connection was what I needed, and I felt my entire body relax. I could do this.

"Ready?" he asked softly.

"No," I said honestly, "But I have to be."

See ever since I found out I was pregnant, I knew what was going to happen. That I would have this baby and keep it; that despite the circumstances, despite everything, I wanted this child. I loved it already, and I knew I couldn't live without it. God bless Emmett for not suggesting abortion or adoption. It made me love him even more; that he supported me without question.

But Edward… I just wasn't sure how he'd react.

With trembling hands, I pushed _send _and held the phone to my ear. It was Saturday afternoon, so I knew there was a slim chance I was interrupting something, but I figured something as life altering as a child might be worth it.

"Hello?" he answered on the second ring, "Bella?" It sounded like he almost expected this call, which was odd, but I brushed that aside.

"Hi Edward," I said awkwardly. This was the first time we'd talked in any form since we both turned in our keys to the landlord on moving day. "How- how are you?" I winced as I tripped over my words, but the fact that I could even talk was a miracle. My tongue felt nine sizes too big and my heart was pounding in my chest.

"I'm fine," he said, though it sounded like he was less than fine. "I've been waiting for your call."

"You have?" I asked in shock. "Why?"

"Well…" he sighed, and I just knew he was running his hand through his hair nervously. "There was something Emmett said to me when I covered for him the other day and I've been sort of running with that assumption."

"What assumption?" I tried not to let suspicion or anxiety lace my voice, but I knew some of it leaked out. I looked up at Emmett, and he swallowed hard. "What did you say to him?" I hissed, cupping my hand over the phone, but that just meant I missed part of what Edward said. "Wait, what?"

"I said would you like to meet to talk about it?" he said in an even voice. "I think its important Emmett and Jasper come to, this affects all of us."

Okay now Emmett was in for it. What in the hell had he said? Why did Edward already seem to know what was going on? I was furious. "Fine," I said, and I knew my tone was laced with anger, because Emmett flinched. He was in trouble and he knew it.

"Um… Starbucks at nine tomorrow?" he suggested.

I was a bitch. At this point I was dying to get off the phone and get my hands on Emmett for whatever he'd said… but I couldn't help it. "We're in Seattle, which fucking Starbucks do you mean? There's a million."

"Um… maybe we don't need to have this conversation in public…" Edward amended. "You can come to Jasper's apartment maybe or-"

"Let's just meet at the park, Okay?" I said desperately. "I can't- I mean I'm not ready-"

"I understand," he said, "The park downtown, at nine?"

"Sure," I said, much nicer now. If he already knew, and still wanted to talk to me, I guessed that had to be some sort of good sign for once. "Goodbye Edward."

"See you tomorrow, Bella," he said, and I hung up before he did.

"So… you told him?" I said, turning quickly to face Emmett. He looked like a little kid about to be scolded for eating candy before dinner. "How could you?"

"I didn't TELL him," he objected. "I just… asked if it was normal for you to be sick like that and he put the rest together; he's not stupid."

"I didn't say he was, but you might be," I said meanly. He looked so hurt I softened and wilted a little on the bed. "I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out, and it's not fair to you," I took a deep, shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

He gathered me into his arms and I marveled at how well I fit there. For now anyway; in a few short months I'd be a mutant. "I'll chalk it up to hormones," he joked, kissing me on the tip of my nose. "I know I shouldn't have said anything, but he knows you so well, and I'm so new to all of this, I panicked."

I took a deep breath. "It's okay and he's agreed to meet with us, so that can't be bad right?"

"Will he bring Jasper?"

I nodded.

"Well, this has the potential of being incredibly awkward," he said half-jokingly.

"Yeah, no kidding," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head against his chest, right above his heartbeat. We stayed there for a long time, the only adjustment being when he laid us down; my body was entwined with his as I listened to nothing but the sound of his heartbeat and the air in his lungs. His hand was stroking my back carefully, tenderly, and I about fell asleep laying there with him. "Thank you," I mumbled against his neck.

"For what?"

"Everything."

**JPOV**

I felt like shit. I _was_ shit. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and replaying last night over and over in my head… and realized what a motherfucking piece of shit I was. Who the fuck _does _that?

I rubbed my face with my hands and rolled over. Edward had long since woken up and made breakfast. He tried to get me to eat and I refused; then I felt bad. I should have been feeling all afterglow-y and couple-y with Edward, but I wasn't. I was feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, now for two reasons.

Bella was probably pregnant, something huge and terrifying for him, to say nothing of how she was probably feeling. What do I do? Seduce him and let him fuck me. I got mine and now I felt sick. Not about the sex, of course. It was the single most wonderful experience in my life. I loved Edward more than I ever thought was possible, but I could have kept it in my damn pants.

Now he was off in that kitchen thinking I was displeased. I knew Edward; he held a lot of worry, not that there wasn't a lot for him to think about. Fuck. When it rains, it pours. Now I was making it worse.

That thought alone propelled me out of bed, and I pulled on a pair of boxers and a T-shirt before walking into the living room.

Sometimes it felt way too right for him to be there, lounging on my couch like he always belonged there. In fact, he felt perfect everywhere and that was why no matter what, I couldn't walk away from him; even though he clearly didn't deserve me and my selfishness.

"Hey baby," I said softly, and he looked up from his book. I pushed his crossed ankles off the couch so I could sit next to him, pretending as if I wanted to casually plop instead of snuggling with him.

"Hey," he said huskily, and I watched his eyes trail over my body. I knew how he felt. Just seeing him was affecting me in crazy ways. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to will myself to not jump him as I looked across the couch at him. We had to talk first…

When the phone rang, I had never seen Edward move so fast in my life, failing up off the couch making empty grabs for his cell phone. By the second ring, he had the phone up to his ear. It was Bella.

The guilt washed through me once more as I listened to Edward talk to her. I could hear the concern in his voice, careful not to say too much or the wrong thing. I loved him for it.

The very idea that his theory was right kind of terrified me. Last night, it had caused some sort of flicker of jealousy in me. Someone else had been first in his life, and I selfishly wanted it to be me, the first and only. I was such a fucking hypocrite anyway. Had Edward been my first? Certainly not. Fuck me.

"I need a walk," I whispered, and he shot me a sad look before he nodded. I just needed to get out, clear my head, and get my thoughts straight. I slipped on my shoes by the door after getting dressed, and before I finished tying my second shoe, Edward stood in front of me.

"Can I come too?" he asked softly, slipping his closed cell phone into his pocket.

"I was going for a run," I said just as quietly. I longed for him to join me, but I didn't know what else to say right now. I was hoping the run would give me a little clarity.

"That's okay," he said. "Just give me a minute," and he scuffled off into the bedroom to change before I could say no. Not that I was going to say no anyways… I knew me better than that by now. I could never say no to Edward.

A few minutes later, Edward came out, looking fuckhot in his little running shorts and oversized hoodie, fiddling with his iPod. "Ready?"

I nodded silently and we walked out the door, grabbing the keys on the way out. Normally, I would have just run and kept on running until I was breathless; I only jogged when I was stressed out and needed time to think, but Edward didn't run as often so I knew I'd have to hold back as we ran together which was fine.

We stepped out of the building, and chose our path. Wherever I went, he went, and I knew the situation would be reversed any other time because he was my magnet; I couldn't pull away even if I wanted to. Our strides synched up, and soon I was lost to my thoughts and he to his music.

I didn't know if Bella was even pregnant or not. Edward seemed pretty confident she was and it seemed like his logic made sense, providing he was right and Emmett hadn't sealed the deal with her yet. DNA tests could be used if necessary. I was trying to go about this as best I could legally. It's how my brain worked; I wanted to make sure every avenue and possibility had been explored before my boyfriend and lover was tied eternally to something.

Assuming she'd keep it.

I fully supported the woman's right to choose, professionally and personally, so I hoped Bella would do what was the sane and logical thing. End the pregnancy. It was only fair to her, to the child, to everyone.

Edward and I kept running in tandem, slowly easing our course back to our apartment. Edward seemed to be running a little slower than usual, his breath starting to hitch a little as we ran. With only the sounds of our shoes hitting the pavement, and Edward's heavy breathing, we slowed to a walk. My muscles felt really twitchy, like I hadn't exercised in months. Maybe it just had to do with my emotions, unsure and uncomfortable. I didn't know how to deal with this. It was hard enough building up a fledgling relationship with the potential love of my life, let alone dealing with the potential issues with his dad and now this…

"We're meeting her tomorrow," he gasped, putting his hands on his knees and bending forward as we stopped at the front door. "I told her we'd both come. Emmett's coming too… If it's what I think it is, we all have to be there, it's only fair."

He was being a lot more adult about this than I wanted to be, and for that, I gave him kudos. I was petrified, but all he seemed to be concerned about was her wellbeing. Good man.

My man.

I sighed. "Sounds good to me; if she needs to tell you something…"

He nodded, and unlocked the door. "We all need to be ready."

**A/N II: What do you think will go down? Send me a lovely review and you may just find out sooner rather than later! Haha. **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I know! I know! I updated fast! And I have EmmaleeWrites05 to thank for that, my always rockin' friend and beta. This is set a few months in the future, about three I'd wager. Hopefully this chapter will give you some insight into why Jasper's been an ass... Please read the A/N at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: Definitely not SM. I enjoy premarital sex too much. *laughs***

**EPOV**

"It's a boy!" The doctor with the ultrasound wand sounded elated, and I felt faint. Me… the father of a son…

"Oh my God," I whispered, and tears pricked in my eyes. It had never felt more real- up until this point, I'd never really thought of this baby as something genuine. Bella's belly got rounder and more pronounced, but it still didn't seem tangible. But now…

"I can't believe it," Bella whispered, grasping Emmett's hand in hers, squeezing it tight. He was brushing tears off of his face with the back of his hand, his tough-guy façade fading quickly as we listened to the little heartbeat thrum on the machine. The sound of our child's heartbeat.

I wished desperately that Jasper could be here too, but he was busy working on my father's case. Carlisle fucking hired him on sight when we went to our first-awkward-sweaty-palms visit to my parents house. The night had gone well, in that we didn't give even the barest hints that we were together, but now Jasper was working hard on a case that we all knew my father was actually guilty of committing.

Bella's hand snaked into mine, and she squeezed my hand. Her eyes were shining with tears, and she looked more blissful than I'd ever seen her in my entire life. She'd always been so sure that having this baby was the right thing. And right now, in this moment, I'd never been more sure of anything in my life. This was the moment I finally agreed with what she and Emmett had been saying the whole time.

I knew how Jasper felt on the subject, and I couldn't say I thought he was wrong. Was it really right to bring a child into this world when the parents weren't together, when the father was gay? But she stuck through it, and I never pushed her, and now… now I understood why.

"Edward, Emmett… that's our baby," she whispered, and the way she said _our, _it nearly made me weep from the tenderness. It was. It was _our _baby.

"Should I give you three a moment?" Doctor Banner asked, snapping off his gloves.

"Yes," Bella said breathily. She was about to lose it, but judging by the smile on her face, that wasn't going to be a bad thing. Emmett swallowed hard and nodded to the doctor. We were silent until he left the room and then all I could hear was Bella's sniffs. "It's a boy," she said, her voice watery but happy. "I can't believe it." She ran her hands over her belly and smiled. "Hey little fella," she said in this tiny little voice. "It's your mommy."

"And your-" Emmett stopped mid-sentence, looking over at me. "Your daddies."

Emmett was way cooler than I'd ever given him credit for. He'd quit the law firm in favor of a higher paying job he'd been offered at a construction company, so I rarely saw him, but we stayed in contact often. The four of us often had dinners together, trying to make mutual decisions for the baby and what we would do. I wanted to be in… my son's… life, and they were more than willing to work out arrangements for joint custody. It was strange, since we'd never been married or anything, but Jasper had the know-how to make it happen.

Things were good between us, but not. I could tell he wasn't exactly thrilled that Bella was keeping the baby, but he never once brought up abortion or adoption. I could see in his eyes that he thought it was a mistake, and while I understood his reasoning, I didn't agree. So the fact that he kept silent was good, because that was the last thing I wanted to fight with him about.

Carlisle's case left Jasper busy, as did Irena's. We were still working our asses off on that one, since the judge had thrown out half of the evidence we had, and now my father was doing everything in his power to not take the damn DNA test.

Life just sucks sometimes.

Except for right now.

"He's so little," Bella sighed, looking at the ultrasound screen in front of us, frozen in place. "He doesn't even look like a baby."

Emmett chuckled and leaned towards the screen, squinting a little. "Way to go Eddie," he quipped. It took me several beats to realize what he meant, and then my cheeks flamed beet red. Bella laughed and smacked his arm. "What?" he asked in that adorable grin of his. Totally inappropriate thought, I know, but those dimples are so cute.

"Umm… thanks…" I said awkwardly, shoving my fists in my pocket. Emmett was cool with being casual with me, but I still felt awkward, especially with comments like that. Lord help me if Jasper had been around. The man was pretty quiet but I had the distinct feeling he'd have made a comment or two. I wished he were here.

"We have to think of boy's names now," Bella said with a smile, rubbing her hands over her belly. I reached out without realizing it, the first time I'd ever touched her pregnant belly. She looked up at me with those dark brown eyes, new tears shimmering there, and she smiled.

"Yes we do," I said, my voice thick with emotion, realizing that baby was mine. And I was fucking excited. "We gotta get to shopping for a crib and stuff too."

Bella groaned. "Shopping?"

"Alice can take you," Emmett said with a smirk. "I'm sure she and Rose would love to take you around town."

That just made her groan even louder. "Not fair," she moaned. Emmett and I chuckled and she shot us the evil eye. "Go to hell," she growled, and we just laughed louder, knowing she wasn't serious.

* MASKS *

"Baby?" Jasper was sitting the middle of the leather couch, surrounded by files and loose papers and highlighted pages. He looked slumped over, like he'd fallen asleep, and as I cornered the couch, I saw that he had, his reading glasses slid far down his nose as he breathed through his mouth. I knelt before him and slid his glasses off his face just in case they fell off and he broke them. "Jasper?"

"Mmm," he moaned in his sleep. He didn't move otherwise, so I reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Baby, wake up," I said, a little bit louder now. "You gotta go to bed."

He moaned once more before one eye peeked open. He blinked twice as he took me in and then stretched as he sat up. "What time is it?" he asked through a yawn.

"Just ten," I said. I'd spent the evening with Emmett and Bella in their apartment. She'd moved in with him soon after she found out she was pregnant. I knew they weren't engaged, but she wore a heart pendant around her neck, and I knew it meant something more than something shiny. Their home was cozy and it always felt welcoming to me. She'd insisted on making dinner like always, and she made my favorite meal. I didn't deserve their kindness.

"Fuck," he groaned. "I've wasted all tonight."

"You need rest my love, you've been running yourself ragged. There are other people on Irena's case… Victoria."

He sighed. "I know. I was working on Carlisle's case, actually. It's… not looking good." He looked really regretful as he said it.

"Listen, he might be my dad, but don't censor yourself around me. I know just as well as you do that he's guilty."

Jasper snorted. "No kidding."

"Let's go to bed. You're not going to get anything done right now, you're too tired."

He nodded. "How did the appointment go?" We'd talked on the phone but I wanted to tell him in person.

"It's a boy." I felt that undeniable grin stretch across my face again.

"Really?" Jasper didn't sound as enthused as me and I felt a tiny slip of disappointment. "I guess I didn't realize they could tell this early."

"She's five months along," I reminded him. So much had changed in such a short amount of time…

"Oh yeah," he said, almost to himself. He turned back to me and gave me a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's go to bed honey." He was quiet as we got undressed and brushed our teeth together. I knew he was tired, but I could feel like it was something more. We were great together, just as long as we didn't bring up the baby. I understood he was stressed out about it. I was sure that he felt… threatened? And I supposed I would have felt the same way if he was having a baby with an ex-girlfriend. But… it hurt more than I wanted to admit that he wasn't as excited as me. I needed something… anything… to reassure me that he was just as in this as I was. Not that it would change anything. But that affirmation. We were supposed to be on the same page, and the further along Bella was, the more distant he felt.

We barely spoke as we pulled our sleep shirts on, something we'd never done when we first got together. But even the sex was waning between us, between this and work. As we climbed into bed together, he spooned me from behind and whispered that he loved me. Tonight, however, I didn't quite feel like that was true.

**BPOV**

"Emmett," I moaned, my fingers threaded through his hair as best as I could. These pregnancy hormones were killing me, but thank God, he'd finally given in and was actually helping me out with it, in this case letting me ride his cock. "I'm so close baby."

He gripped my hips tighter as he thrust into me, and he groaned my name as he ground his hips against mine, rubbing my clit against his hipbone. I think I saw stars. "Baby, cum for me," he groaned, now squeezing my ass. "I need you to cum for me."

For the third time that night, my pussy clenched down, and I was falling apart, grabbing his shoulders, something to tie me down to this earth as my orgasm shattered through me. "FUCK!" I screamed, and seconds later he was groaning my name and cumming hard inside me.

"Christ, Bella," he moaned as I kept him deep inside me even as he softened, needing that contact, that intimacy. He'd finally given in, let me make love to him two weeks after our fateful meeting with Edward and Jasper in the park, and every time we were together, it felt more and more insanely good. I couldn't believe we hadn't been doing it since day one, but knowing that he loved me and wasn't going anywhere just made it that much better.

His hands moved from my hips to my belly. "Hope I didn't rock ya in there too much," he said with a small smirk. It showed off his dimples, and it made my heart pang. Someday, we'd have a baby that would have those same dimples. I just knew it.

"Just don't bang him in the head," I joked, just before Emmett's eyes widened and I felt a very distinct kick.

"Whoa," he breathed. The baby had been kicked for awhile now, but it still felt weird when it happened.

"You woke him up," I giggled, resting my hands over his. I felt this sense of peace and serenity as I did. Like this was just meant to be, regardless of circumstance.

Emmett started talking to the baby now, which should have seemed inappropriate considering he was still inside me, but it felt so right, this part of our little family, connecting.

"I love you," I whispered, to the baby as much as Emmett. "So much."

Emmett pulled me down to him, gingerly holding me to not squish Baby Boy between us, and kissed my forehead. "I love you two too," he said, and my heart melted.

"Do you think Edward was happy?" I said, playing with the hair on his chest. Not enough to gross me out, just enough to make me feel like I was with a _man. _

"The guy was practically crying, Bella," he reminded me. "He was happy."

"Jasper probably isn't," I said with just a touch of bitterness in my voice.

"Aww, screw him," Emmett scoffed. "If he doesn't want to be happy for us, then whatever. If Edward can't see what a pain in the ass he is, then we certainly can't help any."

"I just thought he cared," I said in a much smaller voice. I really didn't want him to hate me, just because I knew he probably wanted me to abort it. Too late, buddy…

"I think he does and that's why he's being an ass," Emmett said wisely. "Doesn't want to get attached for some reason."

"I wonder why," I said, resting my cheek against his pec. I nearly swooned, he still had that effect on me. Good God he was built…

Emmett yawned then. "Dunno… just ignore him."

I nodded but still felt uneasy. I wanted us to be a family. I knew it was a tall order, that Charlie would throw a fit… it was hard enough explaining that I wasn't with Edward but I was keeping the baby- he had no idea about Emmett and Jasper; things were far too complicated as is, and my dad was a black and white kinda guy. There was no way he'd understand this. Hell, he was mad that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Definitely not explaining Emmett and Jasper to him now.

"Get some sleep baby," Emmett said, nuzzling my neck as he yawned again. Typical guy, fell right asleep after sex. At least he liked to cuddle. The man enjoyed physical contact more than I did most of the time, not that I was complaining or anything.

"'Kay," I said, his yawning contagious. I drifted off to sleep, still naked and warm at Emmett's side, wrapping my arms around this man and drifting off into an uneasy sleep. _Don't hate me Jasper, _was the last thing I remember thinking before slipping into sleep.

**JPOV**

_Peter scowled at me, mouth drawn tight as he stared at me. "Don't you think you've done enough?" he growled. I jerked back, afraid of his reaction to me. He looked strange, like he was hunched over something, or trying to protect something I couldn't see. Something small. Something human._

_ Charlotte drifted over to me, in a floaty white dress appropriate for Halloween or a séance. "We didn't mean to," she said softly, stroking my cheek. "It was an experiment, we were drunk…"_

_ "I don't care!" I shouted, but she didn't flinch. I wanted her to flinch. I wanted her to feel the anguish I was feeling now. Her face remained stoic, superior… sympathetic. _

_ "Jasper, we don't want you to go," Peter said in a cool, level voice. He still looked upset but he was moving towards me now. "You can be with us, the three of us. But you have to accept this…"_

_ "I can't," I sobbed. There was an ache in my throat, in my heart. I wanted the tears to come out but they wouldn't, so I was wracked with empty cries that made my entire body heave. "Don't make me go away."_

_ Charlotte was now wrapped around Peter. "He loves you, you know."_

_ "NO! He couldn't!"_

_ Peter stared at me. "I did. Now I don't think I can…"_

_ "Don't make me go… don't ask me to stay…" I didn't know what I wanted- I was torn. Afraid. I couldn't leave him. My body refused to let me. But it would kill me to stay. _

_ And then I looked up and they were gone. I was in my childhood bedroom in Texas, and Rosalie was stroking my hair like she did when we were kids. "They're gone Jasper, you can move on now," she said. And then she wasn't Rosalie anymore, she was Edward._

_ "Stay with us, Jasper, we can be a family…"_

_ "How?" The sobs took over again. "You can't promise me that!"_

_ They stood before me, in a line, Bella between them both. Edward's hand reached out to me. "Be with us Jasper. I love you."_

_ "I can't-"_

A hard shove knocked me out of my dream. "Jasper, you're crying… wake up!"

Edward was hovering over me, concern filling his eyes. "What?" I asked sleepily, realizing that indeed my cheeks were streaked with tears. This wasn't the first time I'd had this dream, but it was the first time I'd actually cried.

Fuck.

"Are you OK baby?" Edward wiped the tears away with the back of his fingers.

"No, I'm not," I admitted. "I'm really not."

"Tell me," he pleaded, his eyes dark in the dim light, barely shining through the curtains. "Jasper, don't keep me out."

This also wasn't the first time we'd had this conversation. He knew something was up, but I'd never wanted to tell him. But as I stared into his eyes, the man that I loved with my heart and soul, I knew I had to tell him. How badly this was all scaring me.

I took a deep breath. "You know about Peter, right?"

He winced. Yeah, we'd had that conversation before, and he knew ninety percent of what had gone down and how much heartache I still felt. But he didn't know this one last detail.

"He… well he…" I gulped and prayed this wouldn't go bad. "He had a love child too."

"A… a what?"

OK, so it was three am. I had to give him some credit, I supposed. "Like what you and Bella are going through… child outta wedlock… accidental pregnancy."

His mouth fell open in an "ohh" and he nodded. "That's why."

"That's why what?"

"Why you've been… off."

I wilted into the bed. "Kinda. Yeah."

"Were you together when it happened."

An arrow lanced through my heart. "Yeah. He was my best friend growing up, and she was the third musketeer kinda. We spent all of our time together, she was the best. When Peter and I got together, it got weird between us but we still hung out. Then one day, they come to me and she's pregnant and they want me to be a part of it. And I left. Couldn't handle it. They're married now." I finished softly, staring at the ceiling. "It hurt bad. Really bad."

"Wow," he said softly. "Wow."

"Yeah."

We were quiet for a long time, and he was so quiet that I thought he'd drifted off to sleep. "Please don't leave me," he finally whispered.

"I don't think I can," I whispered back. My heart was tied to his now. Without him, I was pretty sure I'd die.

"I won't leave my son."

My heart squeezed in my chest. "I'd never ask you to."

"Can you handle that? Me being a father? I didn't cheat on you baby. It's not the same circumstances. I want _you._ But I want this baby too."

I took a deep, cleansing sigh. It took me a long time, laying there in bed, trying to get my head straight and wrapped around if this was reality or still a dream, and how much deep thinking I should really being doing at this hour… then I looked over at him. My universe. My soul. And I knew I could do this. I knew it wasn't the same, _he _wasn't the same and in that moment, I knew my answer.

"Yes."

**A/N: Guess what you get when you review? An outtake! So leave me some love and you get a nice look at what happened in the park. -HR79**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: So. This is the second to last chapter, I'm sorry to say. This story has been kicking my ass. I'm beginning to hate the way that I wrote it. I don't regret the plot, but I hate the way it came out. My vision didn't come out. I still want to finish telling this story. That's why I'm not giving up. I know some of you still (miraculously) like it, so it's for you that I finish this. I just wish I had done this story justice. **

**Thank you so much to everyone that encouraged me this far... my readers, my friends, everyone. Also thanks for EmmaleeWrites05 for betaing this puppy.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not SM. Obviously.**

**EmPOV**

Pregnancy hormones were my best friend. They'd kept me up all night long, and we enjoyed each other's company immensely.

Bella now lay stretched out on the pillows, her hair fanning over the pillow, her bare shoulder facing me. I leaned forward to kiss it softly. I felt a huge wave of desire... to ask her to be my wife. The urges were intense and increasing in number quickly. It kept getting worse, each and every day the need grew until I was practically tying myself down to keep from proposing. I didn't have a ring or anything yet. I didn't want to be... presumptuous. It still ate away at me, however.

I continued kissing up and down her shoulder, and she began to stir. My morning wood twitched, because clearly it had not had enough of her last night. My hands ran over her belly, holding the life inside her, wanting to be inside her too. Even at eight months along, she was completely gorgeous.

"Wake up, beautiful," I whispered into her ear, nibbling her earlobe. She moaned quietly and gazed up at me as her eyes blinked open slowly, rimmed with sleep.

"Why are you waking me up?" she groaned groggily, her eyes squeezing tight shut against the light again. "We only fell asleep like three hours ago."

"Sorry," I smirked, not sorry at all, grinding myself against her back. "You were just too sexy laying there."

"I definitely don't feel sexy," she moaned. She licked her lips, not sensuously, but like she was uncomfortable, like she tasted something bad. A slight frown twitched the corners of her lips. "I feel like hell actually."

My brow furrowed. "Are you OK baby?"

"I think so," she said, but far more hesitant than I would have preferred. "Just let me sleep some more."

"OK," I said, willing my erection to calm down, tucking my chin onto her shoulder again. "Get more rest baby."

She moaned her agreement into the pillow and we fell asleep together once more.

Six hours later, my heart was racing, an aching fear in my chest. Everything was not OK.

**EPOV**

"Get the hell to the hospital," Emmett spat out into the phone, sounding terrified. Suddenly, I was too. Fear spliced through me. Jasper. I needed Jasper.

I burst through his office without knocking. My dad was in there, having a meeting, and he could kiss my ass if he made a fuss about interrupting his goddamn case. At this point we all knew he was guilty, yet he kept denying it at every turn. It angered me. He wasn't a man... he was a coward.

"Bella's in the hospital," I said, Jasper and Carlisle staring at me, mouths agape as the door burst in front of me. "We have to go, now."

"We're in the middle of my-" Carlisle started to protest, but I didn't let him finish.

"Fuck you."

"Wha-?"

"The mother of my _child _is in the fucking hospital, _Father, _and the man I _love _is coming with me," I interrupted, and both of their mouths fell open. Carlisle looked like he didn't even know what had happened to him, but I was sick of lies, and I was sick of being afraid of his opinion of me. I'd been walking around on eggshells with him for months, ever since Jasper had walked into my life, and like hell was I going to let him stand in my way of what was important, especially now.

Jasper looked like he wanted to kiss me.

"We'll postpone this meeting for later Mr. Cullen," he said stiffly, grabbing his things quickly, sensing the urgency I was feeling. "I trust you know your way out."

He grabbed my hand and we rushed out, for the first time not caring who saw. We had just reached the elevator when I heard my father's voice calling after me. Only now his voice was tinged with panic as well. "Edward! Wait! I..." He bent over at the waist, hands on his knees as he panted for air. For a doctor he was really out of shape. "Can we share a cab? She's gone into labor..."

My heart stopped in my chest until I realized he wasn't talking about Bella. Hell, he didn't even know Bella was pregnant.

He was talking about my half-sibling.

**JPOV**

It was awkward as fuck, but we shared the cab to the hospital, none of us in the right state of mind to drive. We were all distracted. Edward and Carlisle were both worried sick about their respective love children and the women giving birth to them, as was I, but my mind also drifted to Edward's passionate confession and Carlisle's inadvertent one. It was like everything had come to a head at that point, no stopping the secrets we'd all been hiding. But now was not the time to tiptoe.

We'd worry about that later.

I'd think about my client who would clearly lose his case after tonight and all of the consequences of Edward's confession.

I'd think about all of the ways it was going to probably screw over everything.

I'd consider moving again, Edward on tow... if he'd agree to it.

But right now, I was going to think about Bella and baby Henry... and how he was coming way too soon. I knew Emmett hadn't likely been detailed in his phone conversation, but Bella was a month early. At least there was a very good chance he'd be just fine, and so would she. I loved my history but there were some modern things I was very grateful for.

My heart was pounding. The taxi wasn't going fast enough. Edward's hand was squeezing mine so tightly I could have sworn I had lost all the blood in my fingers, but I didn't dare let go. He was panicked, and we weren't getting there fast enough. Carlisle's mouth was in a straight, thin line, and he kept looking at his Blackberry every few seconds. We were all tense, even the cabbie kept looking at us nervously in the rearview mirror.

The taxi _finally _pulled into the emergency room parking lot, and Edward and Carlisle booked out of there like they were on fire, leaving me thrusting bills absentmindedly at the driver. I probably gave him like two hundred bucks in my haste, but I didn't care. Panic had risen up in my chest just like it had for them and I was stressed out. Edward's baby... Henry...

We'd all thrown the names in the hat, and I had been shocked and pleased when the name I'd picked was chosen. I knew that everyone was hoping I'd be just as involved with the pregnancy as they were. I mean I didn't go to doctor's appointments or anything... that wasn't my place. In fact, the way they wanted me to be involved scared me sometimes.

Edward knew about Peter and Charlotte. I had filled him in on every single nuance, every aspect of our twisted relationship. But we hadn't told Bella or Emmett, so for the most part they stayed in the dark to the reasons I had held back in the beginning.

I was going to be Uncle Jasper so long as I was in Edward's life. And my heart had decided long ago that he was the one. I'd had a little more than seven months to think about it. Second guessing myself at every turn. Calling Rosalie at three in the morning and interrupting trysts with Alice. Almost losing Edward because I couldn't get my shit together in my head.

But I knew.

He was worth it.

And this baby was worthy of _all _of our love.

Of course because I wasn't immediate family, the father or the mother's boyfriend, I couldn't go in. I sat in the waiting room... with Carlisle. His knee kept bouncing up and down, his gaze locked on the delivery room doors.

I'd never been in a place like this and I'd certainly never envisioned spending it with my boyfriend's dad as they both awaited the birth of their children.

"She won't let me in," he suddenly blurted out, interrupting my thought process. Carlisle's face was even more pale and drawn than usual, and he kept bouncing his right knee to the point where the chairs were shaking. "She won't let me see my child."

This, coming from the man who was paying me a hefty fee each week to help prove he wasn't the father. From a man who was indifferent to the mother's pleas, promising that she didn't want media coverage or anything but support. From a man who didn't care about his own legitimate son, let alone a love child?

Probably not the first one, either.

And yet... he looked terrified. Panic was etched on his features, his lips tight. Carlisle was freaking out, for lack of a better term, and he looked sick about it.

"Of course, I will meet her terms as well," he added just above a whisper. My mouth fell open in shock. "And double it." Jaw. On. Floor.

"I... I... alright," I managed, and then he went back to ignoring me, my mind still racing. We heard nothing for another hour, and it was excruciating. My jaw was tight as we waited, and it was giving me a headache.

Bella had been doing so well lately; this entire ordeal was completely out of left field. Edward had been working hard to be a diligent father and diligent boyfriend, and I tried to do everything in my power to help. I didn't deserve the love that he gave me, but I tried on a daily basis to appreciate it and give it back. He loved me more than I ever expected anyone to ever love me and for that I counted myself lucky.

A nurse came out, a pleasant look on her face. My breath caught in my throat, anticipation filling me. But she walked towards Carlisle; most likely her boss or some shit, and said, "Carmen said to tell you... it's a girl."

Carlisle stood, a huge smile on his face. I'd never seen the man more happy in my life. "Are they alright?" His voice came out in a rush.

"Just fine. She's asking for you..."

And without hearing another word, he strode past the double swinging doors like he owned the place (which I supposed he probably did in a sense), and his platinum blonde hair disappeared as he strode towards his lover.

I wondered how Edward would react to that... to his half-sibling. The very thought weirded me out. I couldn't imagine being in the same situation as my love was, and I couldn't believe how well he was handling all of this- all of the strange twists and turns fate had taken him. He deserved a fucking medal for all this shit.

They all did. Bella especially. She'd finally gotten up the courage to tell her father that she was pregnant. Charlie hadn't been happy, once he'd figured out that Edward had left her for me, though apparently he "wasn't surprised" that Edward favored men. I think Emmett was on the good list for not giving up on her, and he and Charlie went fishing once, coming back with an empty cooler and lots of empty beer cans, laughing and slapping each other's backs.

It was looking good there. At least her family could accept him.

My family loved Edward, and we always had an open invitation to their home. But we'd never be accepted by Carlisle and Esme, no matter how mild Carlisle's reaction was today. That wouldn't last long. We'd gone to their house for dinner, the night Carlisle hired me as his lawyer- months of work now thrown out the window by whatever is was Carlisle pretended was his heart.

That night, Esme had been cold, with a fake smile plastered on her face. It was like a Stepford Wife come to life. I think I'd even seen her with an apron on at one point. She never looked at me like she saw me, nor did she acknowledge me beyond a weak handshake when she met me and a few hours later, when she put the plate in front of me on the table during dinner. I wondered if she knew about her husband's current issues, if she accepted it or hated it or didn't care. She didn't give any clues to the contrary and I liked to think of myself as a good judge of character, at least most of the time. It came with the territory of being a lawyer, to sniff out their emotions, if they were scared or confident, or just plain stupid.

I had grown up with a twin and the most crazy, loving, bohemian parents ever. I loved them and I always knew they loved me. Edward never had that, I could tell.

It was why it was so important for us, for Edward and Bella and Emmett and I to make this work. To be a family. Edward had turned out OK, but I had a feeling that Bella had been a bigger part of that than he would ever admit or even realize. She was a good person. Sweet. I liked her. The more time the four of us spent together, the more I thought it could work.

It wasn't traditional, but then again, none of us really were. I think Emmett was the most Betty Crocker out of all of us, actually, and even then, he seemed to be cool with every circumstance thrown at him. He was an alright guy and I had been disappointed when he left the office. He was a good worker despite some of the teasing emails he'd sent to Edward in the past.

We were friends. Not a coherent family unit yet, but we had to start someplace.

All of the inner reflection I'd been doing hadn't been helping my state of being much tonight. I was stressed, scared, and worried about what was going on. Emmett and Edward had been back there for a long time, and I hadn't heard a word. I wished I could be there for Edward, well for all of them, but I knew Edward wouldn't be worried since Bella wasn't full-term. I knew enough about babies to know that even though Bella was only 8 months along, she'd probably be just fine, and so would the baby. But still. Would his lungs be fully developed? His heart? Medicine was so advanced now... but would it be enough? What if it wasn't? I didn't like the train of thoughts that were going on in my brain; I was pretty well known for being cynical...

My heart jumped as the nurse walked out of the swinging double doors with purpose. "Mr. Whitlock?"

I stopped breathing.

"Mr. Cullen is asking to see you."

**A/N II: I'm going to pull a Stephan Colbert... Reviews please! P.S. I'm not going to kill Bella or the baby. Got it?**


	23. Epilogue

**A/N: This was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I would sit with the doc open and it wouldn't write. I literally could not write. But I think, or at least hope, that this is a satisfactory ending for you for our foursome. I tried to do them justice, give them the best and most realistic ending I could. **

**Thanks as always to everyone who reviewed and gave their opinions to me. It's been a crazy ride, and I can't say I'm not relieved this isn't over, because I really am, but thank you for sticking it out with me and letting me try to tell my story. And thank you of course to EmmaleeWrites for being my beta throughout. **

**One last disclaimer: I only own the crazy-ass plot. The rest is SMs and whoever created Full House.**

**Epilogue**

**EmPOV**

"Henry! Come get your backpack!" I called from the kitchen. I could hear footsteps on the stairs, reluctantly. "Buddy come on, we gotta go!"

"I don't wanna," he whined. "Sienna is so mean to me!"

"Maybe she likes you," I teased. His hazel eyes narrowed at me in suspicion. "What? I'm just saying! I used to be mean to girls I liked when I was your age."

"You were never six!" he giggled.

"Oh yes I was!" I laughed, pointing to his oatmeal on the table. "Eat up. Mom doesn't feel like getting up right now." She was still in the middle of morning sickness, which had never treated her well, not with Henry or with Maggie, and not with this one.

"Mannnn," he pouted. It was kind of crazy how much he looked like Edward sometimes, especially when he got all moody, but the pout was one hundred percent Bella. So adorable I couldn't resist.

"Eat up or Dad and Uncle Jasper won't come over for dinner," I falsely warned. "They're gonna bring Sailor Sam..."

That got Henry to hush up right quick. Sailor Sam and Henry were best friends and they'd be wrecking havoc in the living room tonight for sure. Maggie would be there too, but since she was only two, she'd just be running around shrieking at the top of her lungs most likely. Fun times to look forward to for sure.

I dropped off Henry at school a half an hour later, and when I got home, Maggie was singing, playing with her toys as Bella laid out on the couch, eyes tight shut, but not in sleep, but discomfort.

"Why does this baby hate me?" she moaned. "I can't stand this!"

"It'll be over soon baby," I promised. It was only a matter of time before it would slip away and those infamous hormones and I would be buddy buddy again. I was very excited about it to be perfectly honest.

"Daddy!" Maggie screamed, running to me. She had my crazy curly hair and Bella's wide eyes and she was my little angel. Most of the time. The shrieking thing she had going on could definitely go away and I wouldn't miss it. In ten years I'd tease her about it.

"Baby girl!" I grinned, scooping her up in my arms. Bella winced as she yelled, so I stroked Maggie's hair and whispered, "We need to be quiet for Mama, OK?"

"OK," she nodded, curls bouncing.

"That's my girl, let's go get some breakfast," I said.

"She already ate," Bella called.

"OK then, let's get a cookie," I smirked. I could practically hear Bella's scowl at my back and I chuckled. "Want that princess?"

"Yup!" she giggled.

"Emmett..." Bella warned.

"Just one Mama!" I pleaded, winking at Maggie, who winked back dramatically. She was my little ham. Like father, like daughter.

Bella's response was a loud groan and I decided to be nice to her. In an hour or so she'd be up and on her feet, but lately mornings were not her friend, which is why I'd been scheduling my work for mid-morning rather than earlier. I was VP of the construction company now, so I could make my own hours. It was an awesome feeling, and I knew I was lucky to be so young and successful in the business. The economy was slow, but Bella had her writing and we made it easily enough.

Not like Edward and Jasper, the lucky guys. They'd found super success, Jasper now partner in the firm, and Edward went back to school and worked as a lawyer rather than a paper boy. They had a nice house with a view of the Sound now and everything, where they lived with Sailor Sam, the black lab.

It was good between the four of us, better than any of us had anticipated. It was an odd arrangement, but it worked out. Edward and Jasper lived close enough that they could visit weekly and sometimes more, and Henry spent many weekends in their house, with his own bedroom and a neighbor friend that he liked to spend time with.

It wasn't like we spent a creepy amount of time together. We were separate couples with separate lives, we just didn't mind when our paths crossed, in fact we enjoyed it. We were friends and that was a good thing.

**BPOV**

We hadn't messed up. That was the best way to put it. I'd had a lot of dirty looks and snide comments over the years. I had a child with my gay ex? And I had a husband who I had children with too? And I was still friends with my gay ex and his partner?

Yup.

Peanut decided to give me another wave of nausea, and my head collapsed back on the pillow beneath me. I'd made many mistakes, many decisions that probably weren't for the best, and I felt like shit right now, but I'd never change it for anything in the world. I had the love of my life, two babies and one more on the way, and a career I enjoyed even if being mommy didn't let me publish nearly enough like I wanted to. It was all a trade in, I supposed. Can't have everything you want.

Alice was still my publisher but her and Rose had broken up, oh, six years ago or so, so she was still bugging me to go out with her so she could meet new people. She'd had a lot of relationships over the years, but none as powerful as the one she'd had with Jasper's sister, and I knew my best friend missed Rose like nothing else. I felt her loss nearly daily.

I could still hear Maggie and Emmett playing around in the kitchen and I highly suspected she'd convinced him to give her more than one cookie. He was a sucker for her, probably more than he ever was for me. I smiled a little at the thought.

The day we found out I was pregnant with her, I think he peed his pants or something, he looked that damn happy. He'd finally convinced me to marry him when Henry turned four and I'd found out I was pregnant with Maggie literally two weeks later. To say we were elated was an understatement.

And then Henry felt unloved, and we'd had to prove to him that even though Emmett and I were having a baby, he still had his daddy and his two uncles that loved him more than anything else and that we were a family all together. It was all very Full House, if Uncle Joey and Uncle Jesse had hooked up after Aunt Becky had the twins.

Did that make Emmett Danny Tanner? I couldn't quite make the comparison in my head. Bob Saget, I'm sure, didn't nearly look as good naked as my man did.

"Baby, do you need me to take today off?" Emmett asked, his voice closer than it had been a few moments ago.

"No, I'm fine," I groaned. I'd already thrown up three times this morning and it felt like if I even moved my lips to talk, I'd be hurling again. I wasn't a huge fan of pregnancy even though I loved the end result.

"You sure?" He really was too good to me.

"GO," I said more firmly than I wanted to. "I'll get dinner ready tonight, I'll get Henry... just don't worry about it, OK? Just be back by seven. You know how Jasper gets when I don't get his steak done on time." Silly Texan, had to have everything just so when it came to his meat.

"Maggie is down for her nap," he said, kissing my forehead. Holy hell, how long had I been laying there? "See you soon."

I hummed my consent and fell back into deep thought... partial dreams... whatever. Even though I was sure I was too soon in the pregnancy to really feel it, I could swear Peanut nudged me a little, just to remind me of the good that would come from all of the puking and crap I felt now.

**JPOV**

Edward's kisses still drove me insane with need. No matter how many times I kissed him, made love to him, I fell apart at the seams when his lips touched mine. "Baby, I need to go," I whimpered against his mouth, his kiss becoming more aggressive as his hand cupped my face. "Really."

"One more minute," he said lazily, like when Henry requested just five more minutes of sleep.

I smirked against his lips. "Oh, I suppose so..." And we utilized that minute to the max.

When we pulled apart, I glanced at the clock and eyes snapped open. "Shit! You ass, you got me all horny before my meeting!"

He just winked, which pissed me off just a little, because he knew this was important. Damn bewitching man. My rise and fall... sometimes literally.

The six months we'd broken up for had been torture. Though it was literally years ago, three to be precise, I still felt the insecurity, the pain sometimes when I looked in his eyes. There were times where I couldn't help but think that it might happen again, and then he'd do something that would remind me that he was really the one and I'd be assured. I supposed that was all part of life, because I knew he felt the same way sometimes.

It had been a mutual break and it had seemed like a good idea at the time. We'd needed the space, the time away. And yet it was the most singularly painful time of my life. I couldn't breathe without him, it was simply impossible to live without him.

I was the one that begged for him back. And though I didn't have to beg too much because he'd missed me too, it was hard to admit that I had been wrong, that the split was a mistake, that I'd tried to be with others to forget him but I couldn't go through with it. The look on Edward's face when I admitted that last part was something I wished I could burn from my memory forever. The dejection, the anguish, the jealousy.

It wasn't easy. His family never accepted us, which was no shocker, and it was never easy to be a gay couple, in even the most accepting of atmospheres. We'd try to find an apartment together but we'd have to pretend to be best friends. It had been challenging to find the house we were in now, just because we didn't feel like hiding, and it wasn't like we weren't allowed to, but there were plenty of dirty looks and snide comments that made us feel unwelcome. It's not like we expected a picnic, we weren't naive. No matter what color the state was, it still wasn't a cake walk.

Tonight Sailor Sam, our baby, Edward and I were going to Bella and Emmett's house for dinner. It was a monthly or bi-monthly thing and it was... nice. I liked to think we had a good balance going, where we had our own lives, but shared those lives with each other. There was no need for bitterness. It was all good.

And now I had to focus. Another big case, another thing to get sucked into. I was lucky to have a partner that understood, that accepted it, that didn't get mad because I had to stay up late finishing files... mainly because he was too. Edward's career path had again pissed off his family, but then, what didn't lately? The last I'd heard, Carlisle had gotten another nurse pregnant. Esme was still stony-faced and stayed with her man. Stepford pyschos...

It was time to focus on the future now. I was happy, happier than I ever expected to be, and life wasn't all that bad. I could stand for a little more vacation time sometimes, but then the workaholic in me didn't like that much either.

Maybe next year I could take Edward to that one Italian beach I spent a summer in grad school... He'd look good in the Mediterranean...

**EPOV**

"Sammy!" Henry exclaimed. It was strange and sometimes unnerving to see just how much he looked like me. Like a little clone running through the halls of Bella and Emmett's house. Sailor Sam barked happily, his heavy black tail thumping hard against the wall as he licked his best buddy on the face, Henry laughing and trying to push him away and hug him simultaneously. "Get off Sam!" he giggled.

Jasper did the little whistle he'd taught Sam that meant "NO!" and Sammy backed off, if only a little. Henry practically choked the dog with a hug and then ran over to me.

"Hi Daddy!" He seemed taller even though I'd just seen him three days ago. How was it that he grew so quickly? He hardly looked like the four pound baby that had come a month early one terrifying day. "I gotta show you that project I told you about!" He hugged Jasper for a second before running up to his room to get what he had told me about a few days previously.

Emmett and Maggie were next to greet us, Emmett clapping a hand on my back and pulling me into one of his huge hugs. Maggie's little arm also went around my neck and I grinned. They hugged Jasper too, and when they pulled back, Bella was in the room. She looked paler than usual, but I knew she'd been having bad morning sickness. It had been the same with Henry and Maggie I knew, but I still felt bad, so when I hugged her hello I was careful.

"Henry hasn't stopped talking about you guys coming over," Bella said with a smile. "He's so excited to show you what he worked on in school."

I could hear him running back down the stairs, a cardboard box in his hands. "At school, they asked us to make our families!"

I chuckled. "What?"

We settled down on the couch, Jasper on the other side as Henry prompted, Emmett and Bella stood grinning, Maggie singing and playing with Bella's hair.

"See?" Henry held the box up to my eye. Ahhh, a diorama. "I made us!"

I held it to my eye and looked. And it was us. All of us. Bella and Emmett and Maggie, and Bella was obscenely pregnant though she still wasn't quite showing yet. And Jasper and me and Sailor Sam. Not separated, no "Daddy's House" and "Mommy's House"... just us. Like we would be seen right now, together. We all had big crayon smiles.

"I wanted to put Gran and Grandpa and Grandpa Charlie but they wouldn't fit," he said, a frown on his face, and my heart swelled. My parents hadn't been thrilled about me, but when they finally agreed to meet Henry, they'd at least treated him like a loved child instead of a bastard, even if that was what they were really thinking. They saw him once, maybe twice a year, and holidays and birthdays were never forgotten. At least they pretended to make an effort.

Charlie had loved Henry from the moment they'd met. I'd never met a prouder grandfather. It was nice to see. And he hadn't shot me when he found out about everything. So that was always a plus.

"That looks wonderful son," I said, patting him on the back encouragingly. He was a pretty good artist for a seven year old, I had to admit, and it wasn't just proud papa syndrome.

"I'm glad you like it," he beamed. "I worked all night on it."

"Well I can tell!" I grinned.

Jasper peeped through the box too and smiled, ruffling Henry's hair. He got the unruly thing from me, though it was several shades darker than mine. "Good job Hank!" Bella rolled her eyes. She hated the nickname but never said much. Jasper was the only one that called him that.

"So dinner's ready when you guys are," Bella said with a smile.

"Well heck, I can always eat!" Emmett said as he and Jasper started in on a conversation about college football as they walked into the kitchen, Henry, Maggie and Sailor Sam on tow.

"He's been really anxious to show you that," Bella said in a quieter voice when we were alone in the room. "I think he wasn't sure if the teachers would like it or not because it's different."

"Well I loved it," I said truthfully. "And I hope someday he'll realize families don't have to be all cookie cutter... that most aren't."

She had tears in her eyes, happy ones from what I could gather from the smile on her face. "I'm glad we didn't destroy us."

"Me either." I pulled her into my arms and held her for a moment, kissing the top of her head. Sometimes, in moments like these, it was easy to remember how we had started. As best friends, all the way back in Chicago, all those years ago. I would say we never should have been together, but then I never would have had my son. Henry was everything to me and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. As weird and as untraditional as everything was, it was us, and it worked.

I followed Bella to the kitchen where I could hear laughter and smell freshly baked bread. "Emmett, you had better have left me some..."

**The END... **

**A/N II: Please, let me know what you think. Thank you ALL for reading and giving my fic your time.**


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